


Home is wherever I'm with you

by prevaricator



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Awful Parents, Bisexual Character, Crack Treated Seriously, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Love, Forced Marriage, M/M, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, homophobic family members, we're talking kdrama-level bad parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2018-11-28 07:50:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 73,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11413449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prevaricator/pseuds/prevaricator
Summary: Following Kyungsoo's brother's shotgun wedding, his mother decides to arrange a marriage for her second son before he finds someone on his own. Problem one: Kyungsoo is only nineteen. Problem two: he's gay.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone is aged down ~3 years in this fic for the sake of timing, but I haven't changed the age differences between Exo members. For example, Baekhyun was still born in May the year before Kyungsoo.

It’s June 26th, 2015 when Kyungsoo’s mother decides to ruin his life.

Kyungsoo will forever remember the date, because earlier in the day he’d been ecstatic over the Supreme Court’s ruling in favor of same-sex marriage anywhere in the US. He’d celebrated quietly in his room, watching pictures float up on the internet of celebrations across the country, happy to enjoy the festivities from a nice, safe distance.

He’d still been running on the adrenaline high when his mother announced through the intercom that his older brother would be coming to dinner, so the words don’t incite the correct amount of terror until two hours later, when he gets halfway down the stairs and spots both Seungsoo and his girlfriend of ten years coming in through the front door. 

Shooting an alarmed look at his grandmother, Kyungsoo slips into his seat at the table as quietly as possible and begins nibbling on the appetizer the family cook has set out while the rest of his family chats in the foyer, his mother half-heartedly pretending that she doesn’t want to tell Mihye to get the fuck out of her house. 

Picking up his wine glass for a sip, Kyungsoo almost spits when he tastes actual wine instead of apple juice. 

After a quick check of the foyer—his mother is still interrogating Seungsoo about his failure to accept her dinner invitations for the past ten months—Kyungsoo twists around in his seat and shoots a curious look at Sara, the cook, as she enters the dining room with a tray full of salads.

 _What’s with this?_ He mouths.

Sara waits until she’s placing his salad in front of him to mutter in his ear, “I know you’re still too young, but you’re gonna want that. Trust me. Your Grandma told me to give it you.”

Settling into her spot on the other side of Kyungsoo, Grandma winks.

As they wait, Kyungsoo wonders what the announcement is, because there’s no way Seungsoo would show up to dinner with their parents for any reason other than a major announcement. He’s guessing marriage or pregnancy, from the way Grandma’s acting. 

He sneaks a look at Mihye, trying to figure out if she looks pregnant. There’s no obvious bump in her dress, which hangs loose over her frame. If she’s pregnant, she’s not far along.

Resolving to hear as little of the conversation as possible, Kyungsoo devotes his attention to the food in front of him. Sara’s gone all out for the evening, and her cooking is one of two things about home that he’d missed in his year away at college. 

It’s when they’re all working on the most delicious prime rib Kyungsoo has had in ages, complete with Yorkshire pudding, that the announcement finally drops. He thinks he’s missed it at first, because the first he’s aware of what’s going on is a sudden silence, but then Seungsoo says, “Mihye and I got married. And we’re having a baby.”

He sits with his shoulders squared as he speaks, his hands placed carefully in his lap, making it look more like he’s just declared war than announced his impending fatherhood. The only sound at the table after he finishes is Grandma’s, “I’m going to be a great-grandmother!”

Kyungsoo still relies on his parents for money, so he glances nervously at his mother instead of voicing immediate congratulations to Seungsoo. Seungsoo will understand.

Sure enough, their mother is white as a sheet. Her fork and knife are quivering, and she holds them frozen above her meat, staring at Seungsoo. 

Beside her, Kyungsoo’s father sits still and upright, with the vigilant prairie dog expression he always gets when his wife is about to lose her temper.

Seungsoo and Mihye sit still as statues with their hands in their laps. 

Kyungsoo also sits still.

Beside him, Grandma delicately saws off a piece of meat and eats it. It’s the only real movement in the room, and Kyungsoo thinks hysterically that it’s just like those scenes in movies where everyone but the protagonist is frozen in time. 

“This is wonderful news!” Grandma says. “How far along are you, Mihye, sweetie? Have you thought of names yet?”

“How long has it been?” Mother asks. She directs the question at Seungsoo but throws a glance at Mihye’s belly in the process. “She’s not showing enough for it to be viable. Abortion is still legal.”

Kyungsoo tries to become one with the table while Grandma gasps. 

“That’s my great-grandchild you’re talking about!”

“You think you’re ever going to get to see that great-grandchild?” Mother asks. “That woman is just going to wait until it’s born and then divorce our Seungsoo. I guarantee you she’s only in it for the alimony. Seungsoo, _please_ tell me you at least made her sign a prenup.”

Setting his fork and knife down with a restrained clink, Seungsoo glares at Mother. “That’s enough, Mother.”

With that, he stands up, gesturing for Mihye to do the same. “If you’d like to see us again, please learn how to be civil.”

They sweep out the door, Mihye still quiet but with her spine straight. Father hasn’t spoken the whole time, and Grandma is dividing her stink eye just about evenly between her son and daughter-in-law. 

(“What’s wrong with a little love match?” Grandma’d asked after the first time the family had heard of their son’s new girlfriend, ten years ago. “She seems like she’s got her head on straight.”

“She is a vulture,” Mother had responded.)

In the aftermath of their guests’ departure, Kyungsoo considers running off upstairs to avoid hearing the inevitable terrible things that will come out of his mother’s mouth. Leaving would only bring attention to himself, he decides. He pierces his beef with a fork and attempts to saw off a piece without scraping his knife along the plate.

He doesn’t succeed, and the small screech of knife on fine china echoes in the silence. His mother turns to look at him, and suddenly she’s giving him a frighteningly shrewd look.

“Kyungsoo,” she says. “You don’t have any hidden girlfriends, do you?”

Trying to keep his eyes from widening, Kyungsoo shakes his head. 

“How do you think I have such a good GPA?” He asks. “Nobody at MIT can date and get those grades.”

“Seungsoo started dating Mihye when he was nineteen and still kept his grades high enough to get into medical school at UCLA.”

Damn. It was too much to hope that she’d forgotten about Seungsoo. Kyungsoo chews his prime rib while she gives him a calculating stare. He really doesn’t have a girlfriend—or a boyfriend, which, unlike a girlfriend, is something he might actually want one day—but his mother clearly isn’t buying it.

“That’s it,” Mother says finally. “I’m just going to have to find you a suitable wife before you find yourself an unsuitable one.”

For a moment, Kyungsoo’s brain is utterly, dreadfully silent, too horrified to even begin to formulate a protest.

“He’s only nineteen!” Grandma says.

“You were engaged at nineteen,” Mother says to Grandma. “Are you saying you regret that?”

“That was a long time ago,” Grandma says. “Things are different now.”

“Things are _too lax_ now,” Mother says. “When I was child, we were taught to respect our parents. Look where modern values got our Seungsoo!”

“Our Seungsoo is a medical resident married to a successful attorney, and they’re expecting their first child. Sounds pretty good to me,” Grandma says.

“That’s enough,” Mother says. “That woman is a gold digger. I will not have Kyungsoo falling into the same trap.”

Turning to Kyungsoo, she says, “Do Kyungsoo, you will be married before the end of the summer. If there’s anyone you’d like me to consider, feel free to send me her name.”

“Mother, you can’t force me to get married,” Kyungsoo says. “That’s not legal.”

He’s not actually sure if it’s legal or not, but it doesn’t _sound_ legal.

“Is that so?” His mother says. “Then how about this: you can marry someone suitable, or you can pay for the rest of your education on your own.”

Looking to his father in these situations has never led to the result Kyungsoo wants, but even after nineteen years of disappointment, he still can’t help but glance in his direction. He finds his father staring resolutely at his dinner. No help there, then. Giving up on his prime rib, Kyungsoo stomps off to his room to do some research.

 

\----------------

 

Several hours later, he slams his fist against his desk in frustration. He’s come up with three options, and none of them is looking good.

Option one is to refuse the marriage and pay his college tuition on his own. After looking up tuition, he finds that he would be nearly two hundred thousand dollars in debt after three more years at MIT. He doesn’t qualify for MIT’s need-based aid, and the federal government won’t even loan him enough money to cover all of his expenses—he’d have to borrow private loans.

While he knows he’ll most likely be well-paid upon graduation, the sight of the estimated monthly payments he’d be making on student loans makes him want to vomit.

Striking off option one, he decides to figure out what his life would be like if he were to drop out of college. He researches LGBT-friendly areas and cringes. The majority of them are places notorious for high rent, like San Francisco and Boston. Others, like Salt Lake City and Atlanta, sound questionable. The middle ground seems to be Worcester, Massachusetts, so he opens a job hunting site and starts looking at job openings there. 

He scraps anything that requires customer service, certain his face would scare away customers, then anything that requires heavy lifting or certifications. That mostly cuts him down to minimum wage jobs, with some data entry positions that pay more. 

He takes the most common data entry wage, runs it through for forty hours per week, fifty-two weeks per year, then plugs the number he gets into an online take-home pay calculator, fudging his way through the boxes for personal allowances and other adjustments he doesn’t quite understand.

Then he tries to build up a budget. He looks at an apartment website to figure out how much he can expect to pay for a place that isn’t falling down. Then he has to look up how much to expect to spend on food, which is fairly easy, and how much to expect to spend on utilities and internet, which is almost impossible. 

When he’s finally got an approximate budget, he compares it to the take home pay estimate and sighs. On the optimistic side, he might be able to cover costs month to month. On the less optimistic side, he could be struggling even with a roommate. Neither is ideal.

Option three is to marry someone of his mother’s choosing, then divorce her when he’s safely graduated and employed. That seems to be the easiest choice, but it means all kinds of miserable things. He assumes he’ll have to live with the potential wife, for one, and Kyungsoo hates living with people. He’ll also have the choice of coming out to her and hoping she doesn’t tell their parents or not coming out to her and having no excuse not to have sex with her. If he chooses the latter, he’ll also be at risk of discovery if he attempts to date anyone. 

That is, of course, assuming that he’ll be able to find anyone to date who doesn’t mind that he technically has a wife.

He’ll almost definitely have to attend the in-laws’ holiday gatherings a couple times a year, as well. He shudders at the thought.

On the other hand, it would only be for three years. At the end of that, he’d be debt-free and very employable. All he’d really lose would be his college years, which so far aren’t shaping up to be half as much fun as he was led to believe, anyway.

(There’s an option four, which is basically to hope the whole thing blows over, or that his mother won’t be able to find anyone suitable. It’s too unlikely to waste his time considering, so he files it under option three.)

The smarting in his fist from banging it against his desk only increases his frustration. He decides to go for a drive instead, but he realizes when he gets to the door that he doesn’t know how to tell if he’s sober enough to drive yet. 

With a sigh, he turns his desk chair around to stare out the window, where the night sky and the ocean are so dark, he might as well be staring out of a spaceship. He’s nineteen years old, and in all likelihood he’ll be married before he’s twenty. He doesn’t even have any friends he can share this unfortunate fate with. 

 

\----------------

 

Things are quiet enough for two days that Kyungsoo almost starts to hope that it _will_ all blow over, but on the third day after their dinner with Seungsoo, his mother hands him three-ring binder.

“The matchmaker said she doesn’t have a lot of girls in good colleges listed, but she pulled some strings for me,” Mother says. “Have a look.”

Inside the binder are a handful of what look like very formalized dating profiles. They look just like what people put on dating websites, except that they’re devoid of any information a person wouldn’t want to share with their parents. On a quick scan, the most scandalous information is that one of the girls likes Drake and Nicki Minaj, and Kyungsoo assumes that her mother has no idea who either of those people are. 

Kyungsoo very nearly asks his mother if she knows how many trees she’s wasted having these profiles printed out. Instead, he takes the binder and walks off with it, knowing that riling her up will only make it worse.

For lack of a better plan, he drives out of Palos Verdes to his grandma’s little cottage in Long Beach, figuring that he’ll at least be free to be openly unhappy there.

There’s a rainbow flag waving from the gigantic vase in her front yard when he arrives, and he stares at it for a moment in confusion. It must have been placed there by a neighbor excited about the Supreme Court decision, he reasons eventually. 

Grandma greets him with a long, comforting grandma hug, the kind that makes him struggle to keep from crying even though he hadn’t wanted to cry at all before. When he waves the binder at her, she sighs and goes to put tea on the stove.

She laughs a little as she flips through it. 

“The only difference between this and the ones they had when I got married is that the profiles are made on a computer now.”

Inside, there are five girls profiled. All attend schools in or near Boston—MIT, Boston University, Northeastern, Boston College. The one farthest away from MIT attends Tufts. Kyungsoo doesn’t know how the matchmaker found five girls willing to consider an arranged marriage while still in college in the Boston area. He’d been certain that only his mother would be insane enough to push her wealthy, intelligent child to marry before graduating.

“Well, they do look very nice,” Grandma says. “Though you can only tell so much from a profile.” 

Kyungsoo sighs, and she looks up at him.

“Kyungsoo,” she says. “I do want you to know that I loved your grandfather very much. It took a few years to get there, but I was fond of him. The marriage would have been perfect if he’d only been a woman.”

Kyungsoo blinks. He stares at his grandmother, wondering if he just misheard her or if she just came out of the closet to him. She laughs.

“Oh, Kyungsoo. Why do you think I live in Long Beach, of all places? Your parents won’t stop trying to get me to move, but it’s the most LGBT-friendly place I could find without moving all the way to WeHo.”

“Then—“ Kyungsoo trails off for a moment. He can’t get his head straight. Somewhere he’d heard that homosexuality has been tied to heredity, so it makes sense that he has a gay relative. He just had no idea, and the realization that he hasn’t actually been alone all these years is chasing all other thoughts out of his head with its magnitude. “But you stayed married to Grandfather until he died?”

Grandma nods.

“Like I said, I did love him. I might have tried to get out of it if it had been another time, but women back then didn’t have many choices. By the time I started to think I could divorce him and live a decent life after the fact, I cared too much for him and the kids to do it.”

There are words on the tip of Kyungsoo’s tongue, but he’s only told a couple of casual college friends so far. It was hard to get them out of his mouth then, and it’s far harder to say them to his grandmother. 

So he sits, frozen, fighting back tears until she notices. 

“Kyungsoo, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” she says. “I’ve always thought you might be gay, but are you? You’ve never talked about any crushes.”

All Kyungsoo can do is nod.

“Oh,” she says. She looks down at the binder. “Well, this is even more of a problem, then.”

“Mother doesn’t know,” Kyungsoo says.

“Has she said anything about that Kim kid?” 

“She just passed it on like her usual gossip,” Kyungsoo says. “’Did you know Junmyeon announced that he’s in a relationship with a boy on his Facebook?’ She didn’t say much else about it, and she hasn’t brought it up since.”

It had been over the phone, just after Kyungsoo started college. He’s been itching to ask Junmyeon how his parents handled the whole thing, but they’re not close enough to ask.

“Hmm,” Grandma says. “Well, it’s worth a try. I don’t think you’re going to get out of this marriage thing, but we can at least see if she’ll set you up with a guy.”

“What if she kicks me out?” Kyungsoo asks. 

“Then you come live with me,” Grandma says.

“I can’t do that now?”

“Kyungsoo,” Grandma says. “Your family are the most important people in your life. Don’t burn bridges with them unless you have to.” 

In his mind’s eye, the Option Four that had begun to fill itself out on his list spontaneously combusts. Arguing with an elderly person’s idea of the fundamental rules of the world is futile, at least for someone as lacking in interpersonal skills as Kyungsoo. 

“How would she even find a guy to set me up with?” Kyungsoo asks. 

There’s Junmyeon, of course, but what are the odds that his parents will agree to forcing him to marry at twenty-one? It would be a terrible match, anyway; one thing he knows about Junmyeon from being forced to interact with him while their mothers socialized in high school is that he’s spectacularly messy. They wouldn’t last six months as a married couple.

That leaves approximately zero out gay men around his own age in his mother’s social circle.

“Oh,” Grandma says, getting an odd glint in her eye. “I know just the person. Let me get in touch with them.”

 

\----------------

 

Later that evening, Kyungsoo gets an email from Grandma. The subject line reads _Welcome To The 21st Century!_.

In the body of the email is another family-friendly dating profile, but instead of a professional picture of a girl, there’s a dim shot of a smiling boy that looks like it was taken in someone’s house. Despite the quality, his facial features are clear enough; he has eyes that droop a bit at the corner and a wide, rectangular smile. His cheeks are still plump with baby fat.

Above the profile is a brief paragraph from Grandma that reads:

_This is Sookja’s grandson! He’s gay and he’s the sweetest boy in the world! Sookja can talk to him if you’re interested!!_

Kyungsoo reads through the profile, looking for any red flags.

The boy’s name is Baekhyun Byun. He’s also just finished his freshman year, even though his birthdate should have put him a year ahead of Kyungsoo at school, and he’s studying music at Boston College (in parentheses after that is an underlined, _Top music school! With a merit scholarship!_ ). 

The only alarming thing about the profile is the word _outgoing_ in the opening paragraph. In Kyungsoo’s experience, ‘outgoing’ comes hand-in-hand with the belief that parties are objectively fun events and that introverts are just shy people who must be introduced to parties in order to lead fulfilling lives. Outgoing people also tend to be loud.

When he thinks about it, though, Junmyeon would probably be described by his mother as outgoing. Junmyeon is neither loud nor judgmental of Kyungsoo’s distaste for crowds. In fact, he’s generally bearable aside from being a slob, which theoretically has nothing to do with extroversion. It is therefore possible, Kyungsoo reasons, that there is a chance Baekhyun will also be bearable.

Baekhyun is also not a girl. He’s got that going for him.

He fires off an _okay_ , and not twenty-four hours later finds himself on a Skype call.

Baekhyun is a little less smiley than his profile picture, but maybe that’s to be expected when your grandmother springs a matchmaking Skype date on you. In the background of the Skype window, Kyungsoo can see the ugly, ostentatious decorations of Sookja’s house, familiar from the many times he’s been drafted to greet Grandma’s best friend during their Skype chats.

Things are awkward and quiet at first. Baekhyun waves with a hand with long, slender fingers, and Kyungsoo waves back uncomfortably, and then there’s a lull. There’s only one thing that Kyungsoo wants to know, and being a direct kind of person, he can’t focus on anything else.

Luckily, Baekhyun starts talking first. 

“Your grandmother told me your story,” he says, with a little laugh that doesn’t make his eyes curl up the way his smile did in the picture. “Your parents sound as crazy as mine.”

“Are yours making you get married, too?” Kyungsoo asks.

Baekhyun shakes his head. 

“My grandma told me we can’t tell your parents this, but mine kicked me out when I came out of the closet. I’ve been living with Grandma since then.”

“Then why would you agree to this?” Kyungsoo asks.

Baekhyun bites his lip and looks off to the side for a moment. He has easily the most readable face Kyungsoo has ever seen, and right now he looks embarrassed and guilty.

“Your grandmother offered to help me with living costs if she can’t get your parents to take on all of the rent. I’ve got a full-tuition scholarship, but I’ve been taking out loans to cover the cost of living.”

It takes a moment for the irony of what Baekhyun is saying to sink in, and when it does, Kyungsoo can’t keep the evil little smile off his face. He feels for Baekhyun, but it’s too much.

“So you’re marrying me for the money?”

Baekhyun’s eyes widen. “No, that’s—“

“I’m not blaming you! It’s just funny. My mother’s forcing me to get married because she thinks my sister-in-law is a gold-digger.”

He’s not sure how they’ll manage to pull the wool over his mother’s eyes, but he knows Sookja comes from a wealthy family. According to Kyungsoo’s mother, she’d only lost most of her own wealth when she divorced her husband—the rest of her family is still rich.

“Besides,” Kyungsoo says. “I was planning on a divorce once I’m out of school. I couldn’t care less if you’re using me for the money.”

Baekhyun grins, and this time it does reach his eyes. It’s every bit as cute as his profile picture.

“I think we have a deal.”

 

\----------------

 

Grandma’s plan, it turns out, is for all intents and purposes an ambush. She leaves Kyungsoo with orders to stall on making any decisions for his mother over the next few days while she gets Sookja and Baekhyun to California, and then she invites Kyungsoo’s family to her house for brunch.

As they’re all about to pile into the car to head to Grandma’s house, Kyungsoo’s mother complaining the whole way about having to find parking in Long Beach to eat at ‘that hovel,’ Grandma abruptly calls to tell them it’ll be at a restaurant instead, due to a sudden increase in the number of attendees.

They arrive at the restaurant to find Grandma and Sookja sitting at a table with Baekhyun and a middle aged couple. Baekhyun’s mouth is pressed into a thin, straight line, and the couple next to him are staring at their menus. Only Grandma and Sookja are speaking.

While Kyungsoo doesn’t recognize the couple at the table at all, it’s apparent that his parents do when his mother smiles. 

“Well, if it isn’t the Byun family!” She says. “I haven’t seen you in _years_.”

Rushing toward the table as everyone at it stands, she exchanges greetings with the Byun couple before turning to Baekhyun. 

“Oh, my goodness! You must be Baekbeo—no, Baekhyunnie? You’ve grown so much! I bet you don’t even remember me!”

Baekhyun shoots Kyungsoo a helpless glance over Kyungsoo’s mother’s shoulder as she pinches his cheeks. At a loss himself, Kyungsoo can only shrug. He doesn’t remember ever meeting Baekhyun before their Skype talk. He’s showered with similar baffling attention from the people he assumes are Baekhyun’s parents—except he thought they’d kicked Baekhyun out, so this is confusing. They don’t pinch his cheeks, at least.

Once greetings have been exchanged, the grandmothers settle everyone at the table. It’s a large enough crowd that it would be a struggle to hear everyone at the table in a noisier restaurant, but the place Grandma chose is expensive, with enough space between tables that they aren’t bombarded with the noise of other conversations.

Kyungsoo’s parents chat with all the cheerful excitement of people who’ve just met old friends for the first time in over a decade, seemingly oblivious to the tension at the table before they entered. The Byun family is more reserved, but they’re friendly enough in answering Kyungsoo’s parents’ questions. 

For his part, Kyungsoo can’t help but feel that the setup is conspicuous, with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo sitting directly across from each other at one end of the table. Baekhyun’s face is as white as the tablecloth, and Kyungsoo feels about the same. In person, Baekhyun is every bit as cute as he was on Skype, but with the addition of an adorable freckle over his lip that hadn’t shown in the low quality video.

They spend the entire time it takes to eat the appetizers bragging about their children in the way that mothers like to do when they gather. Kyungsoo’s mother makes sure to tell them all that Kyungsoo is at MIT and Seungsoo is a doctor but leaves out any mention of Mihye or her fury that neither of her sons will take over the family business. For their part, Baekhyun’s parents happily brag about their son’s scholarship to study music without mentioning that they'd kicked him out. 

Finally the main course arrives, and the grandmothers cut to the chase.

Clearing her throat to catch their attention, Sookja says, “Do Youngsoo, Byun Baekho. As you might recall, our families have a good relationship going back generations.”

Falling silent, the older men at the table both nod, Kyungsoo’s father looking confused. Kyungsoo feels confused as well, but probably for different reasons—he’d thought the close relationship was just between Sookja and his own grandmother.

“As you might also recall, your grandfathers swore many times that they would one day see two of their descendants married to each other. But somehow they were both only blessed with sons, and their sons also only had sons”—Sookja pauses to gesture at the two fathers at the table in illustration—“and then you two produced two sons each, and no daughters anywhere!”

Nervous laughter rings around the table. The mothers glance down in feigned embarrassment, hiding their smiles. 

“We always thought that they’d jinxed the family with that promise,” Grandma breaks in. “But as you’re aware, same-sex marriage just became legal throughout the United States.”

“So Soonhee and I thought,” Sookja says, while Kyungsoo’s parents stare at their elders like they’ve sprouted a second head each and Baekhyun’s parents suddenly seem very interested in their food. “This is a sign! It’s a clear message from God that it’s time we unite our two families!”

Baekhyun’s father aims a timid half-nod at the fish on his plate. Nobody else moves for several moments.

“That’s preposterous,” Kyungsoo’s mother says finally, voice barely more than a whisper. She glances around the room at the other guests. “Our Kyungsoo isn’t gay!”

“Actually, mother—“ Kyungsoo starts, but Grandma cuts him off.

“It’s not like any of us wanted to have sex with our spouses when we first met, did we?” She says. Kyungsoo’s father coughs and turns a little red, and Kyungsoo dies a little inside. “It’s an arranged marriage. They’ll get used to it.”

“But they’re _boys_ ,” Kyungsoo’s mother says. “They need healthy sex lives!”

Kyungsoo really wants to crawl under the table and die, but his mother is turning to size up the Byun family. He suspects from the look on her face that she’s about to say something insulting about the way they’ve raised their own child, and he also suspects that it will result in offense on the part of the Byuns, who might back out of the deal in their anger, leaving Kyungsoo back where he was before. 

“Actually, mother, I am gay,” he says.

In his haste, the words come out awkwardly loud in the large room. Someone at the next table over turns to look at them, and Kyungsoo wishes he could melt into his chair.

His mother stares at him. The words, “Baekhyun is a better choice than any of your suggestions” die on his tongue.

“What?” She whispers.

“I’m gay,” he says, more quietly this time.

“Your grandmother put you up to this, didn’t she? This is all a prank to get revenge on me for—“ she eyes the Byun family and purses her lips before looking back at Kyungsoo “—you know what.”

“No, mother, it’s not a prank. I’m gay. I told Grandma a few days ago, when you gave me a matchmaking book full of girls,” Kyungsoo says.

“You have to be careful, you know,” Sookja says. “I’ve been to Boston. There are gay people everywhere! If you don’t settle these boys into the right kind of marriage right now, who knows who they’ll find to date?”

Whether that was intended to be a jab about Mihye or not—Kyungsoo’s grandmother has almost definitely told Sookja about the pregnancy—the color drains out of Kyungsoo’s mother’s face. Her hands are shaking on her utensils again, like they were that night in June. 

“It’s really too convenient that both of our sons go to school in the same city. We should take advantage!” Baekhyun’s mother says, nodding.

Across the table, Baekhyun suddenly stands. Kyungsoo stares up at him, shocked, having nearly forgotten that he was there.

“I need some fresh air,” he says, folding his napkin and setting it on the table. “I’m sorry. Jet lag makes me sick to my stomach sometimes.”

With that, he walks stiffly out of the restaurant. The rest of the table is silent for several moments until Grandma leans around Kyungsoo’s parents’ backs to wave an arm at him. 

“You should go with him, Kyungsoo,” she says. “Get to know each other while we old people talk.”

She winks for good measure.

Nothing sounds better than the opportunity to escape this horrible conversation, so Kyungsoo follows after Baekhyun. He catches up at the intersection nearest the restaurant, where Baekhyun is waiting for a walk signal. 

“Is the ocean this way?” Baekhyun asks when Kyungsoo approaches. 

Kyungsoo nods. It’s not visible from where they stand, but he knows from the street names that it’s only about three blocks away. He looks down at his clothes and grimaces.

It’s early July in California, and the morning marine layer is giving way to sunshine. He’s wearing black pants and a polo shirt, and Kyungsoo knows he’ll be sweltering as soon as they get out of the shade of the buildings. 

They walk in silence for a while, Kyungsoo still absorbed in the horrible situation in the restaurant. He guesses Baekhyun feels about the same, and he wonders how his coming out experience measures up to Baekhyun’s.

“I thought you said your parents kicked you out,” he says as the ocean comes into view. 

“They did,” Baekhyun says. “I was seventeen. I had to move in with my grandmother in Worcester for my last year in high school, and I missed so much school I had to repeat a year. This is the first time I’ve seen them since I came out.”

They approach the railing set into the side of the cliff to keep them from falling. Baekhyun rests his elbows on the metal and stares out at the sea rather than climb down the stairs to the sand. “This is a letdown. I thought California had nice beaches.”

Kyungsoo snorts, eyeing the eerie fake island designed to hide what he assumes is an oil drilling operation out in the water. The view is lousy, as far as California beaches go, and the location is too protected to get proper waves. Its only saving grace is decent sand. 

“There are better beaches,” he says. “Long Beach kinda sucks, but they have a nice aquarium.”

“Ooh, an aquarium?” Baekhyun asks. He looks curious, and for a moment Kyungsoo thinks he might escape the fate of being stuck on a beach in black pants. 

Before he can come up with any details to talk up the aquarium, which he hasn’t visited in ages, Baekhyun loses interest. 

“Take me to a better beach. Boston has aquariums,” he says.

“We’ll have to drive,” Kyungsoo says. He pulls up Lyft on his phone, because his car is at home. 

“Ooh, you’re going to drive me somewhere for our first date? Sexy,” Baekhyun says. He wiggles his eyebrows at Kyungsoo, grinning. It’s kind of cute, in a greasy way.

In his irritation with his parents, Kyungsoo briefly considers taking a Lyft all the way to Huntington Beach and back just to spite them by wasting their money. They can afford it, of course, but Mother would chew him out for spending unnecessary money. 

He’d rather have his own car than be stuck in the back of someone else’s, though, and he wants to change into more beach-appropriate clothes, so they’ll need to stop at home.

It’s still a long drive to the house, and Kyungsoo spends half of it watching Baekhyun stare out the window. He’s less out of place in SoCal than Kyungsoo is, with his quick smiles and laid-back posture, but he still squints in the harsh sunlight. 

Baekhyun’s eyes get wider and wider as they approach Kyungsoo’s family’s house. It’s honestly a hideous building, the floorplan focused on maximizing interior space to the point that the exterior just looks blockish and massive, especially with the typical California beige stucco. Most of the time Kyungsoo thinks it would be for the best for the landscape if the whole thing was razed. 

“No wonder my parents are suddenly okay with me liking men,” he says, as Kyungsoo leads him up the stairs. “Your parents are fucking loaded, aren’t they?”

“You say that like yours aren’t,” Kyungsoo says. 

If they’ve ever been friends with his mother, they must be rich. 

“Oh, they are,” Baekhyun says. “But they never pass up a chance to become more loaded.”

“Rich people do love other rich people,” Kyungsoo says. 

He opens the door to his room and watches Baekhyun’s jaw drop.

“Okay, but we lived in the city. I definitely didn’t get to stare out at the ocean from a bedroom in a mansion every night. This is some angsty sailor’s widow material right here.”

“I’m not a widow,” Kyungsoo says, digging through his dresser. Grandma had told him that Baekhyun was chatty, and he’s finally starting to believe it. 

“Sad virgin, then?” Baekhyun asks. “Gonna grow out your hair like Rapunzel to dangle down to your suitors?” 

Kyungsoo throws the pair of swim trunks he’d been planning to loan Baekhyun at his face and gestures toward his en suite bathroom while Baekhyun pouts at him like he didn’t deserve the rough treatment. “Go see if those fit.”

Baekhyun comes out still wearing his polo shirt over the swim trunks, and Kyungsoo hands him an oversized T-shirt.

“Do you want jeans to go over those?” Kyungsoo asks, just to be sure. It’s too hot outside for anything more than shorts, really, and they’re not going anywhere they can’t go in swim trunks.

Baekhyun eyes Kyungsoo’s hips and raises his eyebrows. “These shorts are only big enough because the waist is elastic. I don’t think your pants would fit.”

Something about those quirked eyebrows makes Kyungsoo feel judged. He shrugs and closes his closet door to change into his own beach clothes.

When he comes back out, Baekhyun is wearing the T-shirt plus the aviator sunglasses Kyungsoo keeps in the top drawer of his dresser, and he’s making dumb faces at himself in the mirror. Baekhyun turns to look at him.

“These don’t seem like your style,” he says. “Do I look like a douchebag?”

He doesn’t look like a douchebag, even if he is one for snooping around Kyungsoo’s dresser. He looks adorable and far more comfortable than he did in the polo shirt he’d been wearing earlier, though Kyungsoo is certain he doesn’t spend much time wearing swim trunks and sunglasses. He’s too pale, for one, and his profile had mentioned that he likes MMORPGs. In Kyungsoo’s experience, people who like MMORPGs rarely see the sunlight.

The sunglasses redirect Kyungsoo’s gaze toward Baekhyun’s mouth, fixed in a natural pout, and he has to tear his eyes away before it gets obvious. 

“Are you calling my sunglasses douchey?” Kyungsoo asks. He doesn’t necessarily disagree, but he’s never seen sunglasses that don’t look a little douchey. There’s really no surviving in this area without sunglasses, though, and they’re the best he could find.

“I mean, they kind of are,” Baekhyun says.

“Not as douchey as your pink polo shirt,” Kyungsoo responds. “Do you pop the collar when your parents aren’t around?”

Baekhyun pouts even harder. “That’s not douchey.”

Snorting, Kyungsoo wordlessly removes his sunglasses from Baekhyun’s face and places them on his own. He locates an older pair in his closet to loan Baekhyun.

“Do you always snoop in people’s dressers when you’re in their rooms?” Kyungsoo asks as he comes back out. 

“Yep,” Baekhyun says. “You learn a lot about people from their dressers.”

“Like?” Kyungsoo asks. 

“Like whether they’re really tidy people, or if it’s just their housekeepers,” Baekhyun says. “Unless someone just did your laundry and fixed everything in your drawers, you’re super organized.”

“You could have asked,” Kyungsoo says.

“Yes, but lots of people say they’re tidy when they’re not,” Baekhyun says. “And I want to know what I’m getting into if we’re about to live together.”

It’s normally Kyungsoo who’s nervous about the tidiness of his roommates, not the other way around. He’s not sure how he feels about the tables being turned.

 

\----------------

 

Huntington Beach is nearly an hour away from Kyungsoo’s house, and he starts to question his decision to take Baekhyun there instead of a closer beach about ten minutes into the drive. There are plenty of beautiful beaches closer to Palos Verdes, but he really wants to go to Newport, and Huntington is just a bit closer and still quintessential _beach_ beach. It also has a Ruby’s on the end of the pier, and Kyungsoo wants a milkshake. Sue him.

Baekhyun grows suspicious about twenty minutes into the drive. 

“Do we really need to go so far just to get to a good beach?” He asks. “I could see the ocean from your bedroom window. Oh, are we going to Santa Monica?”

“Santa Monica is in the opposite direction,” Kyungsoo says. “And no, we’re not going there. It’s always crowded, and the water is filthy.”

“But it’s famous,” Baekhyun says. 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and doesn’t respond, allowing the beach to speak for itself when they pull into the parking lot.

“Oh,” Baekhyun says before they’ve even opened the doors. “I like this beach.”

“I told you so,” Kyungsoo says.

But when he turns to look at Baekhyun, he finds that he isn’t looking out the front of the car at the huge expanse of sand or the substantial waves. Instead, he’s staring out his window at a group of well-built, topless surfers.

Kyungsoo instantly regrets parking so close to the pier, where all the surfers cluster, but he’d be hard pressed to explain why. It’s not like he’s actually romantically interested in Baekhyun, after all, so he has no reason to be jealous. This is all about convenience for the both of them, and maybe avoiding sexual advances from a misguided spouse of the wrong gender for Kyungsoo.

One of the surfers stares back for a moment when Baekhyun gets out of the car, but his gaze is directed at Baekhyun’s feet. Kyungsoo snorts. 

The only spare clothing he hadn’t been able to provide were more comfortable shoes for Baekhyun, because Baekhyun’s feet are long and narrow to Kyungsoo’s short and stubby, so Baekhyun is wearing dress shoes with his T-shirt and swim trunks. It would be easy enough to rectify at the shops by the base of the pier, but Baekhyun takes off for the sand without a backward glance.

He successfully makes it across the bicycle path without incident, but he stops just on the other side to shuck his shoes. Kyungsoo decides not to warn him not to, preferring to guess the temperature by the face Baekhyun makes when his skin meets the sand.

It’s a sunny, ninety-something-degree day, and there are yards of sand between them and the water. From Baekhyun’s grimace, the sand is as scalding as Kyungsoo expected. He laughs, tucking his phone out of sight in his car door before he makes his own way across the bicycle path and over to Baekhyun.

“Have you never been to a beach before in your life?” He asks.

Baekhyun scowls. “Of course I have. Burnt feet are part of the beach experience. You have to run across the sand as fast as you can!”

With that, he takes off toward the water. Kyungsoo runs to follow him, leaving his own sandals on until they get closer to the water. They’re going at a diagonal away from the pier—Baekhyun must have clued in that it’s easier to play in the water away from the surfers.

Baekhyun doesn’t stop until he has one foot in water receding from a wave, and then he screeches and comes to a complete halt.

“How the fuck is it this cold?” He yells back toward Kyungsoo. “It’s so freaking hot out! What the hell?”

Kyungsoo laughs. He drops the towels he brought by Baekhyun’s shoes and keeps going, not too worried about getting his sandals wet.

“So there’s this thing about California beach water,” he starts, smug, sauntering the rest of the way up to Baekhyun, but Baekhyun interrupts him by grabbing his arm and tugging him toward the water. 

Startled, Kyungsoo doesn’t get his feet under him in time and falls on his ass just as another wave approaches, landing in water up to his hips.

“Oh fuck,” Baekhyun says, eyes widening. “Fuck. Was your phone in your pocket?”

Kyungsoo sits still and glares at him, pissed enough that he wants Baekhyun to live in terror for a few minutes.

“Oh my god. It was? I’ll—no, I don’t want to know how expensive your fucking phone is. I’ll only be able to replace it if you convince my parents to un-disinherit me, which really just means your parents have to decide they want to make you marry me instead of a girl, and…”

It’s amazing, the way Baekhyun can babble. Kyungsoo grabs his hand and yanks him down into the wet sand just to get him to stop.

He goes down with a yelp and glares at Kyungsoo with killer puppy eyes. “Hey! What if I had my phone?”

“I doubt my parents will remember to cut off my credit card immediately if they decide to disinherit me,” Kyungsoo says. “I can buy you a new one later.”

Baekhyun’s face drops. “It’s okay, I left it in the car. Kinda don’t want to hear from any of them for a little while, you know?”

Kyungsoo nods, and they both sit in silence for a moment, staring out at the waves and the people. 

“That was really your first time coming out to them?” Baekhyun asks, not turning to look at Kyungsoo as he says it.

“Yep. One hundred percent new information to them,” Kyungsoo says. “I left my phone in the car, too.”

He feels like he should feel something, but he all he’s got is the pit of dread in his stomach that’s been there since he agreed to his grandmother’s idea. He won’t know how to feel until he knows how his parents feel, and he doesn’t have much to go on.

They horse around in the water for a little longer, and then Kyungsoo drags Baekhyun up to the end of the pier for shakes, buying him overpriced sandals along the way.

(“I always wanted a sugar daddy,” Baekhyun says. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.)

Shakes in hand, they wander back down the pier to watch the surfers from above, and Kyungsoo manages to enjoy himself as long as he keeps the circumstances locked away in the back of his mind. He and Baekhyun could make decent friends; Baekhyun appears unfazed by Kyungsoo’s quiet nature and sharp words. 

But there’s a difference between good friends and good roommates. Kyungsoo has boundaries, and all he’s seen so far is evidence that Baekhyun doesn’t respect boundaries.

Then there’s the possibility that his parents are rejecting this whole deal as they speak, and he’ll go home to find out he’s still expected to marry a woman in short order.

Baekhyun wants to walk to the end of the beach and back, so they do. They manage to waste several hours in the process, talking about nothing of consequence and splashing around in the cold water. 

When the air starts to cool off, Baekhyun insists on In-N-Out for dinner, and Kyungsoo wonders if he’s checking off boxes on a California tourism to do list.

When he voices this thought sardonically, with maybe a bit too much bite because they’ve been talking for far longer than Kyungsoo can handle speaking to anyone in an average day, Baekhyun grins and says, “Yep!”

He doesn’t look offended at all. Did he miss the sarcasm or just not care about it? Kyungsoo isn’t sure, but he shrugs it off. One of the girls in his mother’s matchmaking binder was a Boston College student, which means that Boston College must be a decent school, which in turn means that Baekhyun is probably not stupid. Probably. The music major leaves room for doubt.

“Next I’m going to demand that we stay on the beach to see the sun set over the water,” Baekhyun says. He’s still grinning. “And you’re gonna take a picture of me for my Instagram.”

Unfortunately, both of these tasks require the use of their phones. Kyungsoo tries to ignore the messages waiting on his phone when he opens it to pull up Google maps, determined not to rely on his car’s navigation system for what should only be a few blocks’ drive. His mother’s voicemail is easy enough to ignore, but Grandma’s texted _Success! I hope you’re having fun with your new fiancé._ imprints itself on Kyungsoo’s retinas before he can look away.

“My grandma says we’re on for as soon as they can get a wedding put together,” Baekhyun says from the passenger seat.

Despite his own fatigue, Kyungsoo is thrown off when Baekhyun hardly speaks through their In-N-Out meal. He wonders if Baekhyun feels as uncomfortable as he does about their day, like they’ve somehow fallen into a trap by enjoying each other’s company. It might be a win for Kyungsoo that he’s gotten his parents to agree to a husband instead of a wife for him, but the fact remains that he’s being forced to marry this boy he barely knows. 

He’s never even been in love, for crying out loud.

After all of the silence, Baekhyun surprises Kyungsoo by wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him into a sunset selfie. Kyungsoo hardly manages to look at the camera before the phone goes off. 

In the photograph, Baekhyun is carefully posed with his face tipped down a bit the way girls seem to do in their selfies, and Kyungsoo is looking straight at the camera like he’s posing for a nerdy grade school portrait. They don’t match, in Kyungsoo’s opinion.

He finally listens to his mother’s voicemail in the parking lot outside of Baekhyun’s parents’ hotel, after he’s dropped Baekhyun at the door. It’s short and to the point, “I don’t appreciate the ambush, but I’m glad you found someone of appropriate standing. I do hope you’ve thought about how this decision will affect your life.”

Typical Mother. He’d like to ask right back if she’s thought about the consequences of what she’s done to both of her children.

Kyungsoo puts the phone down and thinks. He doesn’t want to go home. He could go to Grandma’s house, but she’s sure to be over the moon right now. In her head they’ve won a war, and he isn’t happy enough to make her happy.

He drives to Seungsoo’s apartment instead, picking up a gift for the baby along the way, and spends the night on a guest bed in a room that’s already being converted from guestroom to nursery. He keeps mum about the wedding and homosexuality business for the sake of a peaceful night.


	2. Chapter 2

They hold the wedding in late August in California, barely a week before Kyungsoo’s classes begin. Despite the short notice and controversial nature of the wedding, Kyungsoo’s hopes for a small guest list were dashed early on when a few hundred people accepted his parents’ invitations. Some are most likely there to kiss up to the Do and Byun families, while Kyungsoo suspects others are just there for the gossip material.

The venue for both the wedding and the reception is a hotel ballroom, a depressingly dull setting for an equally depressing wedding. The windowless room only contributes to Kyungsoo’s feeling of unease, like he’s in a beribboned prison. Hundreds of faces turn to stare at him as he walks down the aisle, and it’s all he can do not to turn around and run away.

The first he’s seen of Baekhyun since that day in early July is as he takes his own walk down the aisle in a nicely fitted tuxedo. His mouth is drawn down into an uneasy almost-frown, and Kyungsoo can see the moment he sees the expression on the face of an onlooker in the way his mouth presses even flatter and his eyes slip down to the floor in front of his feet. Kyungsoo shudders in sympathy and turns away from all of the eyes, keeping his own gaze on the spot where Baekhyun will stand when he reaches the dais. 

He wonders how many of them have bets on whether the two grooms are going to kiss. They’ll all inevitably be horrified when Baekhyun and Kyungsoo do, but probably not as horrified as Kyungsoo himself will be that his first kiss is part of a spectator sport. 

Baekhyun gives him the tiniest smile and a mouthed ‘Hi!’ when he gets there, and Kyungsoo responds in kind, minus the smile. There’s no way Kyungsoo can smile in front of this many people.

If he’d expected the kiss to be bad, the exchange of rings that comes before it turns out to be worse. It’s always looked like an inconsequential thing to him in all the weddings he’s attended, but sliding the plain platinum band home on Baekhyun’s finger feels like he’s chaining Baekhyun to him and vice versa. It’s imprisonment for a life sentence, with possibility of parole after three years.

After that, the kiss is just the uncomfortable, embarrassing cherry on top. It’s Baekhyun who ducks down (Baekhyun is obnoxiously a couple of centimeters taller than Kyungsoo) and presses his lips lightly against Kyungsoo’s. It’s odd and foreign, not necessarily _bad_ but slightly damp, which makes Kyungsoo think about germs in the brief span of time that he doesn’t spend wondering if everyone here can tell exactly how inexperienced he is. 

There’s an audible sniffle from somewhere behind Kyungsoo while he mentally catalogs illnesses transmitted by saliva. 

Baekhyun pulls back, and they both turn to face the minister, then awkwardly back to the audience when he gestures and murmurs, “We’re done.”

Desperate to do something vaguely correct, Kyungsoo holds his arm out to Baekhyun the way men do at formal events. He realizes belatedly that Baekhyun might take offense at the implication that he’s in a feminine role, but Baekhyun simply tucks his hand around Kyungsoo’s arm and gives him a bright little smile, lips turned down like he’s trying to keep from giggling.

On the way to their table, Kyungsoo spots his grandma openly wiping her eyes with a handkerchief. Sookja is laughing at her, but her own eyes have more sparkle than they should. Beside them, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo’s parents sit unaffected. 

Then comes a reception full of awkward toasts and even more awkward questions from older people.

“This is offensive,” Baekhyun whispers to him during a brief moment when nobody’s paying attention to them. Kyungsoo grunts in vague agreement, assuming he’s talking about the middle-aged woman who just asked what they were ‘planning to do about babies.’

Kyungsoo assumed wrong. Baekhyun gestures with a forkful of chicken at the rest of his plate and continues, “I figured at least the food would be good, but this is awful.”

Kyungsoo snorts. 

“I think this is my mother’s idea of revenge,” he says.

He spots a pair of his mother’s cattiest friends approaching the ‘lovebird’ table and cringes. It’s about coming up on an hour since the start of the reception, so he starts to fold his napkin and readies an excuse for Baekhyun about needing to pee. 

Before he can open his mouth, someone clears his throat into one of the microphones they’d been using for toasts earlier. Kyungsoo isn’t really clear on how weddings are supposed to work, since he usually spends them counting down the minutes until he gets to leave, but he’s about ninety percent sure the toasts are supposed to be over by now.

“Excuse me, everyone,” Seungsoo’s voice booms through the speakers. Kyungsoo looks around for the source in confusion, because his mother was too angry with Seungsoo to invite him. 

When Kyungsoo spots him, he’s standing at a table in the middle with Junmyeon and Junmyeon’s older brother, wearing a tuxedo. Mihye sits next to him in a simple high-waisted dress that doesn’t flaunt her baby bump but also doesn’t hide it.

“Who’s that?” Baekhyun asks.

“My brother,” Kyungsoo says. 

What Seungsoo delivers is, overall, a standard brotherly toast. After a contrived apology for making a delayed toast, Seungsoo tells a few humiliating stories from Kyungsoo’s childhood and spews some sappy bullshit about how his baby brother is all grown up now. If you were to ignore the blatant sarcasm in that last bit, there’d be nothing remarkable about it. 

Then he ends the toast with, “Baekhyun, my wife and I can’t tell you how thrilled we are that our son has another uncle to look forward to when he’s born.”

For a few seconds, the room is deathly silent. Then people start turning to their neighbors and murmuring like this is news, which surprises Kyungsoo. It’s not surprising that Kyungsoo’s mother never announced her first son’s marriage and pending fatherhood to the world, but it is surprising that word hasn’t somehow made it around regardless.

When Seungsoo sits down, it’s clear that half the attention at the wedding is focused on him, now. The couple who’d been approaching Kyungsoo and Baekhyun before the toast quickly change course to harass Seungsoo instead, and Seungsoo shoots him a wink.

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says. “What are we going to name our kids?”

Kyungsoo turns to stare at him in horror, and Baekhyun lasts a handful of seconds before snickering over his plate.

“I was joking, dummy,” Baekhyun says. “It’s just that people keep asking how we’re planning on making babies, and I felt like we should have some dumb names for kids to troll them with.”

Kyungsoo takes a bite of asparagus and thinks.

“Hunter,” he says eventually. 

“Dumb, but too common,” Baekhyun says, grinning. “I’m thinking more like Thor.”

“East, then,” Kyungsoo says.

“That could work,” Baekhyun muses. “For a boy or a girl?”

“Either,” Kyungsoo says.

“But if we have a girl I want to name her Katniss,” Baekhyun says. He pouts.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says. “East if it’s a boy, Katniss if it’s a girl. If they decide they’re agender, we’ll let them change it to Keast.”

His lips twitch up a little bit, and Baekhyun’s eyes fix in on his face. It’s a look Kyungsoo has come to recognize as the one that precedes comments like—

“You’re finally smiling,” Baekhyun says. 

He leans forward in his seat, grinning happily for the millisecond before the smile slides off Kyungsoo’s face. 

“Aww,” Baekhyun says. “Why’d you stop?”

Kyungsoo presses his lips together and saws off another bite of chicken.

 

\----------------

 

 

The apartment their parents pick out for them is spacious for a Boston apartment. Kyungsoo explores it on his own a week before Baekhyun is set to move in, because MIT starts back earlier than BC.

It’s a loft in an old factory recently converted to luxury apartments, with high ceilings and exposed duct work. The walls are decorated with red brick in places and whitewashed where they aren’t, and the floor is polished concrete. The kitchen, open to the living room and visible from the doorway, adds to the cold, sleek effect with a grayscale color scheme that the living room furniture keeps up.

When Kyungsoo sets his bags down, the clacks they make echo back at him.

There’s a staircase at the edge of the living room that Kyungsoo climbs to find a lofted den, which contains two desks, a bookcase, and not much else.

Back down the stairs, the bedroom is a nice enough bedroom, containing a very nice queen-size bed. Unfortunately there’s only one bedroom, and the very nice bed in the bedroom is the only bed in the apartment.

Kyungsoo had expected this to happen, but it feels all the more real now that the fact of it is staring him in the face.

He collects his bags from the living room and carefully unpacks them, sorting his clothes into one of the two dressers in the bedroom and his toiletries into the bathroom. 

When he’s done, he looks around the empty apartment. It’s late in the evening, but his discomfort in his new surroundings outweighs his urge to sleep after a long flight. He spends ten minutes trying to read a book on the boxy white leather sofa before giving up and staring at the ceiling for inspiration.

Eventually he gets up and pokes around the kitchen and determines that they have pots, pans, dishes, and utensils. He pulls up the Google doc full of recipes Sara gave him as a wedding gift and selects one, then walks to the grocery store down the street to buy ingredients.

 

\----------------

 

On Monday, he’s surprised to see a familiar face in his data structures class. Minseok grins and waves at him.

“You’re in my class!” He says, coming to sit on the table next to Kyungsoo.

Surmising that his former departmental mentor is now a TA, Kyungsoo nods. 

“I guess I am,” he says.

It sounds stilted and awkward once it’s out of his mouth, but he can’t figure out what he should say. Maybe he should have pretended not to know what Minseok meant?

“How was your summer?” Minseok asks, unperturbed by Kyungsoo’s odd answer.

“It was okay,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Just okay?” Minseok teases. “You didn’t do anything exciting?”

“Um,” Kyungsoo says.

“It’s okay,” Minseok says. “I didn’t do much, either. Just worked and relaxed.”

Belatedly, Kyungsoo realizes that he should have asked about that.

“Did you get a summer job?” Minseok asks. “Or an internship?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says. “I worked on algorithm to compare the livability of ‘LGBT-friendly’ cities, but that’s about it.”

It’s the first time he’s brought up LGBT topics around Minseok, and his stomach does a little swirly nauseated thing. Minseok sits back and crosses his arms, smiling. 

“That sounds useful,” he says. “Not what I would’ve expected a freshman to work on, though.”

“I had an argument with my parents,” Kyungsoo says, revealing more than Minseok probably wants to know for the sake of saying something.

Minseok’s eyes widen just the slightest bit, and his smile drops.

“I see,” he says. “Let me know if you need anything okay? Family can be rough with those things. I’ve been pretty fortunate, but some of my friends had a tough time coming out.”

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo says. 

Minseok glances at his Fitbit, and Kyungsoo looks up at the clock on the wall to see that it’s five minutes past time for class to start. Around them, most of the students are still discussing their summers with classmates they haven’t seen since the end of spring term, but a few are beginning to look around in confusion.

“Did you know that if the professor doesn’t show up in ten minutes, class is automatically canceled?” The boy to Kyungsoo’s right says to his neighbor.

Snorting, Kyungsoo looks at Minseok, whose shoulders are twitching while he tries not to grin. Smiling certainly wouldn’t help the students catch on that he’s a TA, with the way his cheeks get all round.

“We should get lunch sometime,” Minseok says to Kyungsoo before he hops down from the desk.

Sauntering up to the lectern, he grabs a stack of papers, which he hands to someone at the corner of the first row, then goes back to start up the projector.

“Hey everyone,” he says. “Dr. Lee is running late, so he asked me to do my introduction first. I’m Minseok, your TA for the class.”

“You’re joking, right?” Someone asks. “Aren’t you an undergrad? I know I’ve seen you around.”

Minseok grins.

“I graduated last year,” he says, clicking around on the computer to open a PowerPoint presentation. “I’m in the Ph.D. program now.”

“He’s joking, right?” The boy from before asks Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo snickers and shakes his head. 

“Nope,” he says, passing the stack of syllabuses over.

 

\----------------

 

The following weekend, Kyungsoo is doing his course readings over coffee at the kitchen table when he hears voices outside the front door. The lock turns, and Baekhyun and a tall guy Kyungsoo recognizes as one of Baekhyun’s wedding guests enter the room in a mess of bags and noise. 

“Well, shit,” the tall boy—Kyungsoo can’t remember his name—says. “Where do I sign up for a sugar daddy? I need a TV like that.”

His voice is probably loud in the best of circumstances, and it echoes horribly in the sparsely decorated apartment. When he finally tears his eyes away from the TV (65 inches, 4K display—he’s right to be impressed), he spots Kyungsoo in the kitchen. His eyes go comically wide, and his hands come up to cover his mouth like it’ll stop words that have already left.

“Nobody in their right mind would marry you,” Baekhyun says. Turning to Kyungsoo, he adds, “Kyungsoo, you remember Chanyeol, right? He was at the wedding.”

Kyungsoo nods and lifts a hand in an awkward wave.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Chanyeol says. He waves back with a big grin. “Hey, you go to MIT, right? Me too.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo says, and he immediately wants to smack himself. It’s just that Chanyeol is tall enough that it’s hard not to notice him in a crowd. To try to make it sound less weird, he adds, “I’ve seen you around campus.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol says. “Yeah. I kind of stand out, don’t I? Haha.”

Baekhyun sets his bags down by the door, walks further into the apartment and looks around.

“Why aren’t there any rugs?” He asks. “It would echo less if it weren’t so bare.”

“We can buy some,” Kyungsoo says.

Should he tell Baekhyun about the bed situation, or let him find out for himself? Before he can decide, Baekhyun is up the stairs to the loft, Chanyeol following behind him.

“Nice, nice,” Chanyeol says of the loft.

“Also nice,” Chanyeol says when they come back down and explore the bathroom.

Chanyeol says nothing after that, but a sort of strangled sound comes down the hallway, presumably when they get to the bedroom.

When they come back out, Baekhyun takes off his shoes and lies down on the sofa. He shuffles around onto his side and tucks one of the smaller cushions under his head. After a moment, he nods against it.

“I can sleep here,” he says. 

“We can get another bed,” Kyungsoo says. 

“And put it where?” Baekhyun asks. “There’s no room anywhere except the living room, unless we swap the queen bed out for twins, and then imagine if our parents came to visit.”

“A bed in the living room is still better than the couch,” Kyungsoo says. 

“It’s fine, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says. “I’ll just sleep on the couch. I’ve slept on worse things than this couch.”

“Never for more than a week straight,” Chanyeol says. “You want to sleep on a couch for the next three years?”

Afraid to hear an answer implying that Baekhyun is repulsed by Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo doesn’t ask if sharing a bed with him is so much worse than sleeping on the couch.

“Maybe we could squeeze something into the loft,” he says instead. “Or just trade off sleeping on the couch.”

“It’s fine,” Baekhyun says. “I’ll take the couch.”

“More importantly,” Chanyeol says. “Can we order pizza or something? I’m starving.”

“I’ll find a pizza place,” Kyungsoo says, picking up his phone.

“You’ve been here a week, and you don’t know where the nearest pizza place is?” Chanyeol asks. “What have you been eating?”

“I’ve been cooking,” Kyungsoo says. “I get lunch on campus, usually.”

“What kind of MIT student has time to cook?” Chanyeol asks.

The kind with no friends and no hobbies to take up his time, Kyungsoo thinks. It’s not hard for him to find time. He shrugs.

“Here’s one,” he says. “How much pizza can you eat?”

By the time the pizza arrives, Chanyeol has friended Kyungsoo on Facebook and made several valiant attempts at finding common ground between them, remaining remarkably undiscouraged when they don’t identify anything other than movies.

For most of the duration of the conversation, Baekhyun sits browsing on his phone, eventually doing it one-handed so that he can eat pizza with his left hand. At some point noise starts to rattle out from the speakers, a male voice comparing the virtues of bottled versus canned soft drinks.

Never fond of people who watch videos on their phones without headphones in public spaces, Kyungsoo frowns. Chanyeol, on the other hand, starts laughing.

“Is that Yixing again?”

Baekhyun nods, grinning at his phone.

Looking back at Kyungsoo with a big, pointy grin, Chanyeol says, “Yixing goes on about the weirdest shit on Snapchat when he’s high.”

“Which is almost all the time these days,” Baekhyun says, tapping his phone’s screen to start the next video, in which Yixing continues his soliloquy.

“But the thing with bottles is they have caps. So like they don’t spill everywhere. Except those glass ones with the metal murder caps. Who likes those? They say ‘twist off cap’, but it’s easier to just use a bottle opener.”

Kyungsoo’s mouth twitches toward a smile, but he keeps it off his face.

“I’m just gonna leave you guys to the married people life,” Chanyeol says, when two empty pizza boxes sit in front of them.

“Mkay,” Baekhyun says. “Go have fun in your new role as Boston’s most eligible bachelor.”

Once Chanyeol is gone, he gets up from the table and says, “I’m gonna unpack.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says, going back to his textbook.

When he finishes his reading, he goes to the bathroom. There’s a new toothbrush in the holder by the sink, and he stares at it for a few moments as the feeling of intrusion that started when Baekhyun walked in the door with Chanyeol solidifies.

He shrugs it off, meandering up to the loft to play games until dinner time and putting on his headset to block out the sound of Baekhyun spreading bits of himself all over the apartment.

 

\----------------

 

The following Friday, Baekhyun pokes his head into the bedroom to ask if he can have friends over. Kyungsoo nods and goes back to watching _Game of Thrones_ on his tablet.

Thirty minutes later, there are several loud voices in the living room, and Kyungsoo finds himself in a quandary. 

His mother would insist that spending time with Baekhyun’s friends is part of being a gracious host, but Kyungsoo isn’t so sure that applies here. His mother’s etiquette doesn’t extend to awkward marriages with an agreed-upon expiration date, and he doesn’t know if Baekhyun wants his weird, unsmily roommate out foisting his presence on his friends.

The safest course of action seems to be to pretend that he isn’t there, so he starts clicking through Netflix recommendations. 

 

\----------------

 

“Hey,” Baekhyun says, walking up to the breakfast bar with his school bag slung over his shoulder one night while Kyungsoo is cooking himself dinner.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo says, still looking at the frying pan in his hand. He looks up in confusion when Baekhyun doesn’t walk off to the loft immediately.

“My grandma asked me to ask if you want to go to her place for Thanksgiving,” Baekhyun says.

It would probably look suspicious if Kyungsoo were to say no. He shrugs. 

“Sure. She lives in Worcester, right?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “Okay, good, I’ll tell her you said yes.”

He doesn’t leave right away, and Kyungsoo feels like he should do something.

“Do you want any fried rice?” He asks Baekhyun. “I made extra.”

The extra was intended to be his dinner tomorrow, but from the way Baekhyun perks up and stares at him, he thinks he’s made the right choice.

“Yes!” 

He practically runs to the table. Kyungsoo sets the bowls down and sits across from him, feeling nervous as Baekhyun scoops up a spoonful of rice. 

“It probably needs salt,” he says.

Baekhyun moans around his mouthful.

“I’ve been wondering if your cooking is as good as it smells,” he says.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Kyungsoo says.

Scrunching his nose at Kyungsoo, Baekhyun snaps his mouth shut and swallows. Kyungsoo watches him shovel mouthful after mouthful into his mouth until he can’t take it anymore.

“Well?” He asks.

“Well what?” 

Baekhyun’s eyes are curving a bit with a smile, like he’s teasing. Kyungsoo can’t tell if it’s malicious or not, and it makes him uncomfortable. 

“Is it as good as it smells?” He asks, soldiering on. 

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “It is.”

“I’ll do the dishes,” he offers later, when they’re both done. He’s already getting out of his seat and gathering their bowls as he says it. Kyungsoo lets him. 

He watches for a moment, appreciating Baekhyun’s slender hands and forearms as he pushes up the sleeves of his sweater and turns on the tap. When Baekhyun looks up and catches his eye, he looks away and goes to the loft to study.

 

\----------------

 

On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, Kyungsoo locates Baekhyun’s car—a shabby but clean old Honda Civic—in front of the university after his last class, feeling conspicuous as all hell. He tells himself that there’s no way anyone would guess that Baekhyun is anything other than a friend or roommate and tries to shake the feeling of eyes on his back.

He drops his book bag in the back seat and slides into the front, and Baekhyun pulls away from the curb before he’s got his seat belt buckled. 

“You brought your ring, right?” Baekhyun asks after a few minutes.

After a moment of digging in his coat pockets, Kyungsoo locates his ring. He slides it onto his finger for the first time since he left California.

“Done,” he says.

Baekhyun nods. His phone issues a complicated set of instructions for getting on the freeway that aren’t loud enough to hear over the CD he’s got playing, and he asks Kyungsoo to repeat them. 

Several minutes later, when the phone announces that they’ll stay on this particular highway for more than a handful of miles, Baekhyun speaks again.

“My grandma’s a lesbian,” he says. “She’s still in the closet with a lot of people, but she told me when I came out.”

Kyungsoo nods. “Mine, too.”

“Can you imagine?” Baekhyun says. “Being in the closet your whole life.”

“It must suck,” Kyungsoo says, thinking about what his life would’ve been like if he’d stayed silent like his grandmother.

Then he thinks about Baekhyun’s grandmother, and how her son’s response to her grandson’s coming out must have felt to her.

“So I guess,” Baekhyun says. “Can we pretend we’ve hit it off, this weekend? Just for Grandma’s sake?”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Okay, good,” Baekhyun says. “Let’s practice.”

“Practice?”

“Let’s try having a conversation.”

“We’ve had conversations before,” Kyungsoo says.

“Once or twice, yes,” Baekhyun says. “But mostly I talk and you just kind of grunt in response. So we’re gonna practice. I say, ‘Hey, we’re lucky this year! Last year a storm dumped almost a foot of snow on Worcester.’ You say?”

“Um,” Kyungsoo says. “That’s nice.”

“Is that the best you can do?”

The bumper to bumper traffic finally comes to a standstill, and Baekhyun turns to look at him.

“What else do you want me to say?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun says. “Agree with me? Smile for once? Otherwise try to act like you don’t hate me?”

“You think I hate you?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Baekhyun says. “You never speak to me unless I talk first, and then you give one-word answers. You always go to the library or hide in the bedroom when I have friends over, I’ve never even seen your friends, and apparently you’d rather watch TV on your computer than out in the living room where I might try to talk to you.”

Stung and unsure how to respond, Kyungsoo stares silently out the windshield for a while.

“Oh, great,” Baekhyun says. “Now you’re just going to ignore me.”

“Well, sorry I like to think before I speak,” Kyungsoo says. “Must be a foreign concept to you.”

They spend the rest of the ride in uncomfortable silence, Kyungsoo fretting but getting nowhere.

 

\----------------

 

 

Sookja’s house turns out to be a tiny old cottage on the far outskirts of Worcester. It’s on a street full of houses, but they’re set farther apart than most houses in California or Boston ever get.

As they get out of the car, two dogs spill through the front door, followed by Sookja herself. The dogs sniff Baekhyun, who crouches down to pet them as they wag their tails. One is clearly a Welsh corgi, but Kyungsoo doesn’t know enough dog breeds to figure out the taller brown one. 

Kyungsoo holds still, hoping maybe the dogs just won’t notice him, but he’s not in luck. As soon as they’ve given Baekhyun a thorough sniffing, they turn to do the same for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo tries his best not to look as uncomfortable as he feels, even as one of them gets a bit of slobber on his pants.

“Mongryong, Lola, leave him alone,” Sookja says. 

She gives Baekhyun and Kyungsoo both hugs. 

“How was the drive?” She asks.

“It was awful,” Baekhyun whines. Kyungsoo braces himself, but Baekhyun just continues, “Bumper to bumper all the way from Boston to Worcester.”

“Poor baby,” Sookja says. “At least it’s not snowing like last year. Come inside, I’ll dish up dinner.”

Walking through the door leaves Kyungsoo disoriented for a moment. As unfamiliar as the outside of the house was, the inside is a mix of extremely familiar and predictable based on what’s familiar. He’s seen the collection of decorated plates around the top of Sookja’s wall a million times in Skype videos. The same goes for one or two ornate vases and lamps, and the painting of some (probably) Russian lady over the couch. That there are more vases, more lamps, and a painting of another Russian lady scattered throughout the house doesn’t surprise him at all.

He sits tentatively on the couch with his hands in his lap, feeling claustrophobic, while Baekhyun drops to the floor and plays tug-of-war with the dogs. Several times Kyungsoo holds his breath as a dog or human appendage comes close to knocking over a vase or lamp or the knickknacks on the coffee table.

Dinner is a simple stew with rolls. Kyungsoo eats his slowly while Baekhyun and Sookja talk. For all he’s heard them talking at least once a week on the phone since Baekhyun moved in, Baekhyun doesn’t seem to be out of things to talk about. He learns in the space of fifteen minutes that Baekhyun auditioned for one thing and lost, auditioned for another and has a callback, is preparing for a Christmas choir performance, is struggling in his music composition class, and has sort of started a band with Chanyeol and someone named Jongdae, although they haven’t gotten anywhere because they all want to be the lead vocalist.

“And how are things going for you, Kyungsoo?” Sookja squeezes in when Baekhyun takes a bite of stew beef.

“They’re okay,” Kyungsoo says.

He tries to think of something to add, but nothing comes to mind. What is there to say? He can feel Baekhyun’s eyes on him, probably annoyed, but there’s just nothing there.

Kyungsoo doesn’t have friends beyond the ones he’s made online and maybe, at a stretch, Minseok and his roommate from last year. They don’t band together to start projects, and Kyungsoo doesn’t audition for anything. He’s too reclusive to join any clubs.

In short, his life can be summed up in one or two pathetic sentences.

“Been working on anything exciting?” Sookja asks.

Mostly Kyungsoo has been working on learning discrete mathematics, physics, and data structures, which don’t make for very good dinner table conversation. He says no.

“He does a lot of cooking delicious food,” Baekhyun says, with a smile Kyungsoo wouldn’t know was fake if he didn’t know Baekhyun was upset with him.

“Is that so?” Sookja says. “Sounds like you’ve made quite the catch.”

She smiles at Baekhyun, whose own smile doesn’t drop. Kyungsoo looks at him out of the side of his eye for a moment and wonders if it would be easier if he did hate Baekhyun.

It’s not that Baekhyun doesn’t drive him nuts, sometimes, with all of his noise and the cloud of people that seems to follow him everywhere he goes, but it doesn’t bother Kyungsoo as much that it’s happening as that he doesn’t know where he fits into the whole thing. A guidebook on how far one should integrate oneself into one’s temporary spouse’s friend cloud has yet to appear, and Kyungsoo’s not good at the integrating into friends cloud business, anyway.

They’re just two very different people, and Baekhyun, like many an extrovert who came before, has looked at Kyungsoo and drawn a set of incorrect conclusions.

“Yep,” Baekhyun says. “He cooks, and he’s clean. What more could a man want in a husband?”

“Oh, I can think of a few things,” Sookja says.

“Grandma!” Baekhyun says. 

“What?” 

Kyungsoo eats his stew.

 

\----------------

 

Unsurprisingly, Sookja has them sharing a room. Based on the Nirvana poster on the wall and the tidy row of action movies and figurines on a shelf over the desk, Kyungsoo assumes it’s Baekhyun’s bedroom. It’s shockingly empty.

“I’m not sleeping on the floor,” Baekhyun says.

“I wouldn’t ask you to,” Kyungsoo says. “Can we just share the bed? It’s only a few nights.”

The bed is full size, crammed awkwardly next to the dresser in the small room so that there isn’t room for nightstands. 

“Fine,” Baekhyun says. “Do you mind if Mongryong shares with us? He likes to sleep with me.”

Kyungsoo looks dubiously at the dog, who’s currently sitting at their feet looking cute. He yawns and looks beseechingly up at Kyungsoo.

“I guess it’s okay,” Kyungsoo says.

“Okay,” Baekhyun says. “I call first shower.”

By the time Kyungsoo comes back from showering, Baekhyun is already asleep. Kyungsoo lies down at the very edge of the bed, twisting into an odd position to get his feet around the dog lying across Baekhyun’s legs. It looks uncomfortable, having all that weight across his legs, but Baekhyun is fast asleep.

 

\----------------

 

Kyungsoo wakes up in the morning to the smell of onions, with Baekhyun barely an inch away from him, looking at peace with the world. Kyungsoo pulls his clothes on and goes downstairs, where he’s surprised to find Sookja in the kitchen, mashing something in a bowl with her hands. Sookja smiles at him.

“I bet you’ve never had a Thanksgiving dinner that wasn’t prepared by a chef before,” she says.

“We normally give our cook the day off and eat out instead,” Kyungsoo admits. 

“Do you ever think it’s sad, having a cook?” Sookja asks. “People always say their mother’s cooking is the best, but I never tasted anything my mother cooked. I didn’t even learn how to cook until my divorce.”

“I’ve been learning from YouTube videos,” Kyungsoo says, rather than delve into his complicated feelings on the subject of his mother. “Our cook gave me a bunch of recipes, but I don’t always understand the instructions.”

“Is that so?” Sookja asks. She shakes her head, “The internet is an amazing thing.”

She washes her hands and sets the bowl aside, then walks out of the kitchen to the entryway.

“I need to take the dogs for a walk,” she says. “Would you like to come?”

Kyungsoo accepts.

Outside, the air is bracing, and Kyungsoo can see his breath. The dogs’ tails are wagging, though, and they set off nosing along the ground. He and Sookja follow them in silence until one of them stops to take a leak.

“Forgive me for being a nosy old lady,” Sookja says. “But how are things between you and Baekhyun really going? And don’t tell me they’re fine. Your grandma might be an optimist about these things, but the whole arranged marriage deal didn’t work out so well for me.”

“A lot of people I meet think I don’t like them,” Kyungsoo says, avoiding a direct answer out of fear that it’ll sound like he’s complaining about Baekhyun to his own grandmother. “They say I don’t smile enough, or that I’m too quiet.”

“I see,” Sookja says. “You and Baekhyun are very different people. I thought things might be rough for you.”

The dogs lead them off again. Kyungsoo watches his breath puff out in front of him, enjoying the early morning quiet.

“Well, for whatever advice from an old divorcee is worth,” Sookja says. “Something you notice when you’ve been around as long as I have is that you can never really know the inside of someone’s head. You can know someone for years and think you understand how they think, but then something happens and you find out that’s not the case at all.”

Kyungsoo struggles to see how this applies to him—he doesn’t understand how Baekhyun thinks, and the opposite is clearly true as well.

“It might be easier to know from the start that you don’t understand each other,” Sookja says. “Rather than find out later. The trick is to ask a lot of questions and always be open about how you feel.”

“I don’t get it,” Kyungsoo says. “If you didn’t think it would work, why did you agree to all of this?”

Sookja clears her throat. 

“Your grandmother was so excited about the wedding. Have you ever tried saying no to your grandma’s happy face?”

Kyungsoo laughs at that, and then Sookja looks at him.

“Really, he wanted the money,” Sookja says. “And I was hoping it might ease his relationship with his parents. The last few years have been hard on him.”

 

\----------------

 

 

By the time Baekhyun appears, Kyungsoo is cutting up apples for Sookja at the table while she makes cranberry sauce with two hopeful dogs watching her every move, and the house is beginning to smell like turkey.

“Good morning,” Baekhyun says, getting a return greeting from Sookja and Kyungsoo both.

He sits at the table with coffee and a bowl of cereal, across from where Kyungsoo is doing his slicing, trailed by the two dogs. Kyungsoo stays focused on the awkward task of cutting on a table instead of the counter, waiting for Baekhyun and Sookja to start talking again.

When it takes longer than he expects, Kyungsoo glances at Baekhyun, who’s spooning cereal into his mouth with his eyes on Kyungsoo’s pile of apples. 

Assuming he wants one, Kyungsoo picks up a slice and holds it up in front of his face. Baekhyun startles and jerks his head back, looking up at Kyungsoo with a confused expression for a moment.

“Oh,” he says. “Sorry. I spaced out.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “Well, want some apple?”

He hefts the slice in his hand meaningfully. Baekhyun leans forward and sets his teeth into it, batting his eyelashes up at Kyungsoo before settling back in his chair and munching away with a grin.

“Don’t chew with your mouth open,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun scrunches his nose at him, and Kyungsoo snorts and goes back to slicing his apples. He’s smiling and self-conscious about it, knowing that Baekhyun is there keeping track of whether he’s smiling or not. It takes effort not to force it off his face, but the knowledge of his broken promise weighs heavily on him, even if Sookja doesn’t seem too bothered that their marriage isn't working out like a fairy tale.

“How many people are coming today?” Baekhyun asks.

“The usual crowd,” Sookja says. “And it’s our turn for Baekbeom and Hyojin, and I invited one new person who moved to town recently and Kyungsoo, so that’ll be nine of us, total.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says.

“I’m sorry, Baekhyunnie,” Sookja says. “Your mother said she’d come, but only if I didn’t invite any other ‘gay people’ because she’s afraid she’ll offend them. Maybe she’ll be over it by next year.”

Baekhyun shovels more cereal into his mouth.

“Hey Mongryong, want some cereal?”

Both dogs perk up. Picking a relatively dry piece of shredded wheat off the top of his bowl, Baekhyun tosses it toward the Welsh corgi, who snaps it out of the air. 

“You too, Lola?”

He gives the other dog the same treatment, and Kyungsoo watches with disgust as little bits of dog saliva go flying when Lola lunges up to catch the cereal in her mouth.

“Now,” Sookja says, bringing a laptop to the table as soon as Baekhyun has finished eating. “I promised Kyungsoo’s Grandma that we’d Skype with her.”

“Kyungsoo, Baekhyunnie,” Kyungsoo’s grandma says when the call connects. It’s still mostly dark in California, and she’s got bags under her eyes.

“Did you just wake up?” Sookja asks.

“Of course I did,” Grandma responds. “You east coasters get up too early.”

“The sun has been up for hours here,” Sookja says.

“Yeah, yeah,” Grandma says. “Anyway, Kyungsoo! How are you? How’s school been?”

“I’m good,” Kyungsoo says. “School is good.”

He can see Baekhyun looking at him in the little window that shows what they look like on Grandma’s end.

“Good, good,” Grandma says. “And you, Baekhyunnie? I hope Kyungsoo isn’t ignoring you too much. He can be so quiet.”

“No!” Baekhyun says, but it’s a moment too late to be authentic. “Things are great. You didn’t tell me he’s a good cook!”

“What?” Grandma says. “Kyungsoo cooks?”

“All the time!” Baekhyun says, draping his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and jostling him. 

“Sara gave me some recipes to try as a wedding gift,” Kyungsoo explains. “Because I live too far from campus to eat all my meals there, now.”

“I see,” Grandma says, smiling like she just received the happiest news of her life, and Kyungsoo feels a pang of guilt for the dishonesty. As Grandma and Sookja start in on relating news to each other, he resolves to make an effort to be friends with Baekhyun, so that they’ll at least have an easier time with their acting.

 

\----------------

 

 

For a Thanksgiving dinner whose attendees are mostly elderly queer women, it’s a shockingly normal affair. When one of the grannies offers Kyungsoo wine with a wink, and he turns it down—he hadn’t really enjoyed his first glass of it—he’s set upon by three more insisting that he have a drink. 

“You’re in college now,” Judy says. “We know you what you college kids get up to.”

Beside Kyungsoo, Baekhyun fails to completely suppress his grin. Kyungsoo suspects he knows that Kyungsoo doesn’t get up to much of anything, especially anything related to alcohol.

They end up giving him the wine despite his protests, and no water to boot. He spends the whole meal wondering how anyone gets through a meal with just wine, because it only makes him thirstier every time he takes a sip. 

“Let me get this straight, though,” the granny named Susanne says right around when they’re all finishing off their plates. “So, Kyungsoo, your parents’ response to you coming out was to set you up with an arranged marriage?”

Kyungsoo nods slowly, not keen on straightening out the details. Sookja must have told her more than he thought, but not everything.

“I’ve heard some weird coming out stories,” Susanne says, laughing. “But that has to be the strangest.”

“She was planning to arrange a marriage for me, anyway,” Kyungsoo says.

“It’s how things were done for our parents,” Baekhyun says. 

Kyungsoo looks at him, wondering how he’s supposed to respond to Baekhyun directly defending his mother’s actions. Too late, he catches on that Baekhyun is implying that they had a normal, voluntary arranged marriage.

Luckily for them, Baekhyun’s sister-in-law speaks up.

“My best friend is bi, and she’s married,” she says. “When she came out to her parents, her mom told her to move to a big city so she could date lots of people.”

Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Baekbeom, and Susanne’s wife Ellen all have small laughs at that, but the rest of the people at the table look at each other in consternation or down at their plates.

“That’s too bad for her,” Judy says. “I knew a lot of married ‘bi’ women when I was coming out. It was a terrible situation. It seems to me that everyone has to pick a side eventually.”

Hyojin sits back in her chair.

“She’s happily married,” she says. “I don’t think it’s a problem for her. She knew she was bi before she got married.”

“That’s a funny story, though,” Kyungsoo pipes up, wishing Baekhyun would do it instead. “It’s weird how so many people think bisexual people can’t settle down with just one person. It’s not like I’m going to cheat on my… on Baekhyun just because I’m also attracted to guys with red hair, so why do people think bi people are somehow different because they like both men and women?”

It’s the most he’s said all night. Everyone turns to look at him, and he feels his silverware getting slippery in his hands. He ducks his head and scrapes up the remaining crumbs of stuffing on his plate, wishing he’d spent less time on LGBT+ message boards. 

Under the table, Baekhyun rests a hand on his thigh, giving him a tiny smile when Kyungsoo turns to look at him. Surprised, Kyungsoo smiles back. He wonders if it’s part of the act they’re doing a terrible job of putting on, because Baekhyun hasn’t looked at him like that since their wedding.

“I think it’ll be interesting to see how things change now that people can be more open,” Sookja says. “The kids I work with are always challenging my idea of what people can and can’t be.”

A moment later she adds, “Who wants pie?”

 

\----------------

 

By the time they’ve finished the pie, Kyungsoo is exhausted enough from all the interaction to start getting irritable, having been speaking to strangers and near-strangers since the moment he rolled out of bed. He volunteers to do the dishes just to escape for a moment. He half expects one of the more clueless ladies to fight him on it, but instead they send Baekhyun in to help him. 

They wash dishes in silence for a while, Kyungsoo washing and Baekhyun drying, while Kyungsoo tries to work his tired mind through the words he needs to get out. 

“I don’t hate you,” he says when he’s settled on some, quiet enough to keep the people in the living room from overhearing. “Most people think I hate them, when they meet me. I’m just a quiet person, and my face is scary.”

“Yeah, I’ve been noticing the quiet thing today,” Baekhyun says. “I thought it was personal, but it isn’t, is it? I wouldn’t say your face is scary, though.”

Kyungsoo risks a glance and sees him smiling down at the plate he’s drying. He shakes his head. All this time, he’s been afraid that Baekhyun would find him weird and back away when he saw how Kyungsoo lives his daily life, but he thinks he might have misinterpreted some things, though he’s afraid to follow Sookja’s advice and ask about it, when they’re still not very close. Instead, he decides to explain more.

“My parents say it’s scary,” Kyungsoo says. “That’s why they’re letting me study computer science. Because I don’t have the social skills to be a businessman.”

“Do you want to be a businessman?” 

“Hell no,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t like human interaction enough. It wears me out. Like, I really want to go to bed right now.”

“You’ve been yawning a lot,” Baekhyun says. “I thought it was the wine. You don’t drink much.”

“Could be the wine,” Kyungsoo says, because he doesn’t really know how wine affects him beyond the wobbly feeling he’s currently got. “But also strangers.”

“Is that why you’re avoiding my friends?”

“Sort of, but not really,” Kyungsoo says. “I guess I didn’t want to pressure you to include me, you know?”

Honestly, Chanyeol comments on his Facebook posts so often he feels like he knows Chanyeol better than his own brother, at this point. But Kyungsoo is weird and quiet, and he can’t shake the feeling that the rest of Baekhyun’s friends find him creepy, nor can he bring himself to start commenting on Chanyeol’s posts.

“Oh,” Baekhyun says. “Why would I feel pressured?”

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo says, caving to the impulse to dodge the issue of his insecurities. He knows they’re weird.

“We should have a housewarming-slash-Christmas party,” Baekhyun says. “I’ll invite my friends, and you can invite yours. Or, wait, are parties too much for you?”

“What kind of party?” Kyungsoo asks.

“The tame kind where everyone gets tipsy and plays board games or Mario Kart,” Baekhyun says. “Like a classy grownup party, only minus all the etiquette and fancy dishes and stilted conversation and plus a video game console or two.”

“So not like a grownup party at all.”

“You get sassy sometimes,” Baekhyun says. “I like it.”

“I don’t—” Kyungsoo starts. He has to gather a breath to continue, feeling like a weight is pressing down on his chest. “—have any friends to invite, though.”

“Oh, come on,” Baekhyun says. “There must be someone.”

Kyungsoo stares down at the plates, trying not to flinch away. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Baekhyun turn to look at him. The only person he can think of that he’d want to spend time with at a party is Minseok, and he’s not sure he can bring himself to ask and face rejection.

“What about that Junmyeon who was at the wedding?” Baekhyun asks. “Doesn’t he go to Harvard?”

“How do you know that?” Kyungsoo asks.

“He added me and Chanyeol as friends on Facebook,” Baekhyun says. “He and Chanyeol hit it off at the reception.”

“Has Chanyeol ever not hit it off with anyone?” Kyungsoo asks, actually curious.

“Once or twice,” Baekhyun says. “Because he’s really loud.”

“I can see how that might happen,” Kyungsoo says.

“We had a friend who dated a quiet guy for a while,” Baekhyun says. “His name was Minseok, and I thought he was going to haul off and punch Chanyeol the first couple times Han brought him around. He warmed up to him eventually, though.”

“Minseok?” Kyungsoo asks. “Does he go to MIT?”

“He did,” Baekhyun says. “I think he was a senior last year. Do you know him?”

“He was my peer mentor,” Kyungsoo says. “He’s a grad student now.”

“There you go,” Baekhyun says. “Invite him!”

“Didn’t you just say he’s your friend’s ex?”

Baekhyun shakes his head, then nods, then shakes his head again. Kyungsoo stares at him.

“He is, but Han graduated and moved away. He won’t be at the party.”

Trying not to sigh, Kyungsoo wonders how he’s going to explain the situation to Minseok. 

“Hey,” Baekhyun says. “Look at us, having an actual conversation.”

Kyungsoo frowns, happy that they’re on comfortable ground but feeling scrutinized once again. He does sigh this time, hearing Sookja’s advice run through his head again.

“Um, can you not comment on it when I smile or talk?” Kyungsoo says, trying to phrase it gently. “It makes me feel like you’re watching me, and then I get uncomfortable, and when I’m uncomfortable I have a hard time smiling or talking.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

When they’ve finally finished with the dishes, Kyungsoo turns and stares at the doorway to the living room, feeling the exhaustion set back in even worse than before. People are talking and laughing, and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t have any words left in him. He’s also feeling more and more embarrassed about his little rant about bisexuality, which he’s beginning to suspect was wine-induced.

“Go to bed,” Baekhyun says. “I’ll tell them you were tired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always loved! Or come talk to me on [Tumblr!](https://turkeythief.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

“You know, I think this is taking ‘housewarming’ a little too far,” Junmyeon says.

It’s a December night in Boston, far from anyone’s idea of warm, but several people in their group and a few neighbors chuckle. They’re standing outside the apartment building, listening to the wail of the fire alarm from inside.

Next to Kyungsoo, Baekhyun is standing in just a thin Henley and jeans, holding Mongryong’s leash with a bare hand. He’s shivering. 

Around them, Baekhyun’s friends stand comfortably in their coats, seemingly oblivious to his discomfort. Kyungsoo waits for a few minutes in the hope that one of them will notice and intervene, but it rapidly becomes apparent that none will. Kyungsoo unwinds his scarf, loops it around Baekhyun’s neck and secures it there. 

“I can’t believe you forgot your coat in there,” he says.

“Californians are wimps,” Baekhyun says. “This is nothing.”

The way he shuffles closer to Kyungsoo exposes his lie, but Kyungsoo doesn’t comment. He unbuttons his coat and holds it open with his hands in his pockets, nodding down at the open space. Baekhyun clicks his tongue even as he steps over so that his side is against Kyungsoo’s stomach, and Kyungsoo wraps the coat around as much of Baekhyun as he can manage.

Looking at Baekhyun’s face from this close makes Kyungsoo feel fluttery in a way he doesn’t know how to handle, his eyes focusing in on the freckle above Baekhyun’s lip. He turns his head to look anywhere else and finds Jongdae watching them.

He meets Jongdae’s gaze and holds it.

 

\----------------  
\----------------

 

The morning after Thanksgiving, Kyungsoo wakes to the bed jostling as Mongryong slides off of it. Baekhyun is pressed up against his side, presumably to make room for Mongryong. After a moment of foggy spatial analysis, Kyungsoo determines there’s nothing he can do to put space between them, and then his eyes slide shut again.

When he wakes up for the second time, the bed is empty. He lies still for a long moment before the urge to look at his phone gets too strong to ignore. His phone is all the way over on the desk, charging, and by the time he’s made it out of bed to get it, he figures he might as well go downstairs. 

He finds Baekhyun using his laptop on the couch, with a dog on either side of him. Sookja isn’t in sight.

“You’re awake,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo nods.

“There’s coffee in the kitchen,” Baekhyun says. “Did Grandma show you were the cereal is?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says.

He pours himself some cereal, smiling when the two dogs come to sit by his chair and stare at him. Their expressions remind him of Baekhyun, somehow eager and friendly but mournful at the same time. 

Picking a piece of cereal from the top of his bowl, he holds it up the way he’d seen Baekhyun do yesterday, laughing at the way two sets of eyes track it. He tosses it to Lola, then tosses another one to Mongryong.

“They’re going to love you forever now,” Baekhyun says from the couch.

“That was easy.”

“Dogs are,” Baekhyun says. “It’s nice. They don’t care who you are or what you do, as long as you feed them and give them attention.”

He comes over to the table and sits on the floor, rubbing Mongryong’s fur. Mongryong turns to lick his face, and Baekhyun scrunches his nose and laughs.

“Mongryong is mine,” he says. “Baekbeom and Grandma kidnapped him from my parents after I moved here. They couldn’t get much of my stuff out of my room without my parents noticing, but when they got in the car to leave, Mongryong jumped in with them.”

Kyungsoo pats the dog’s head.

“Good dog.”

“He didn’t know what was going on. He just likes car rides,” Baekhyun says. “Am I talking too much? You can tell me to stop.”

“You’re fine,” Kyungsoo says. Then, because it’s been nagging at him, “I didn’t mean what I said about thinking before I speak, you know. I don’t have any reason to think you don’t think before you speak.”

Baekhyun looks up at him with a small smile. “It’s true, though. My mouth gets me in trouble all the time.”

“Well, I’m sorry anyway,” Kyungsoo says. 

He flips around on his phone for a minute, spotting an email in his student account from an address that’s just a string of meaningless numbers and letters, with _LOOK AT THIS_ in the subject and an attachment. He deletes it without opening it, wondering how it got past the spam filter.

When he’s done, he realizes it’s gotten quiet again and casts around in his still-sluggish head for a way to continue the conversation. “Do you mean like when you came out?”

“No, that wasn’t my mouth,” Baekhyun says. “Only it was, but not talking. I didn’t come out by choice.”

“You didn’t?”

“My mom found my Instagram,” Baekhyun says. “It had a picture of me kissing my ex-boyfriend on it.”

“You had a boyfriend?”

“Yeah, Yixing,” Baekhyun says. “He broke up with me a while after I moved out here.”

He runs his hand lightly over Mongryong’s back in repetitive patterns, very different from the nearly ferocious rubs he’d given the dogs when they arrived in Worcester. He looks small and lonely, and Kyungsoo thinks about the nearly empty bedroom upstairs and the small collection of things Baekhyun brought with him to their shared apartment. 

“That’s not nice,” Kyungsoo says. 

Scooping the last of his cereal into his mouth, he makes sure to swallow it before ditching his chair to sit on the floor next to Baekhyun with his coffee cup. Baekhyun smiles at him.

“It was, though,” Baekhyun says. “I kept clinging to him instead of moving on with my life, you know? We’d visit each other almost every weekend, and I spent the rest of my time texting him and Chanyeol.” 

Kyungsoo pets Lola’s head, not sure why what Baekhyun is saying is bad but also not sure how to voice that without being rude.

“It sounds silly, doesn’t it?” Baekhyun says. “But I was really depressed. I couldn’t make friends here because I was afraid they’d cut into my chances to see him, I’d cry all weekend if he said he was too busy to see me, and I’d yell at Grandma when she took my phone away to make me do homework. I flunked so many classes I had to repeat a year.” 

He tips his head back against the wall and sighs.

“It was like a mercy killing at that point,” he says. “It hurt like fuck, but I needed it to happen.”

“You didn’t get back together when you went to college?” Kyungsoo asks. 

“No,” Baekhyun says. “On some level I guess I still resent him. He and Chanyeol and Grandma were all I had, so it hurt me a lot more than it hurt him. And I know it’s not his fault, you know? But that just makes me angrier.” 

Mongryong gets up and licks his face again, and Baekhyun groans.

“Okay, yes, I had Mongryong too,” he coos, rubbing the dog’s shoulders in earnest. “I promise I didn’t forget you.”

“Do you want to bring him back with us?” Kyungsoo asks. 

Baekhyun sits up and stares at him.

“Can we?” He asks. “Can we, can we please?”

“Sure,” Kyungsoo says. 

Baekhyun beams at him. 

 

\----------------

 

 

If there’s one thing that irritates Kyungsoo about his marriage in his day to day life, it’s living far from campus. He plops a tray on a table, sets his things down, and pulls out his phone, settling in to waste time before he goes to the library to study. He misses the days when he could study quietly between classes in his dorm room, or in the empty floor lounge when his roommate was sleeping. No matter what odd little corners he finds for himself in the library, he still feels conspicuous.

He eats and scrolls through his phone, rolling his eyes at another spam message with an attachment, this time with the subject _YOUR HUSBAND IS CHEATING ON YOU_. Wondering how it got through his recent setting to send all messages from the sender to spam, he clicks over to his spam folder and sees that the recent message there is from a sender with a single letter different in the name. He adds the new sender to his spam list and switches over to Reddit.

“Kyungsoo!”

Looking up from his phone, Kyungsoo finds Minseok standing with a much taller boy, both holding cafeteria trays. 

“Hey,” he says.

“Can we sit with you?” Minseok asks.

“Sure,” Kyungsoo says. 

He gestures at the seats across from him. They both sit down, Minseok setting his coat across the back of his seat before he does, while his friend simply sits down and lets his coat drape backwards over the seat when he takes it off.

“Sehun, this is Kyungsoo,” Minseok says. “He’s a computer science major, and he always eats his vegetables, even when they’re awful.”

Kyungsoo looks down at the green beans he’s been spearing with his fork while browsing on his phone and shrugs. They taste bad in a way he wouldn’t know how to replicate, and they’re softer than green beans should be. They’d make Sara cry. 

“Kyungsoo, this is Sehun,” Minseok says. “He’s a freshman. Another California kid.”

“Nice to meet you,” Kyungsoo says, producing his usual awkward little wave. He gets one right back. “Where are you from?”

“SoCal,” Sehun says.

“Me too. Which part?” Kyungsoo asks. 

(“SoCal losers,” Minseok scoffs.)

“Inland Empire,” Sehun says.

“Ah.”

“You just acted like that was a perfectly sane thing to say,” Minseok says.

“It’s an actual region,” Sehun says. “Listen to the news when you’re in LA and you’ll hear about it.”

“Hear what about it?” Minseok asks.

“The weather and which parts of it are on fire,” Kyungsoo says, attempting to remember which cities are in the IE. “That’s usually about it.”

Minseok and Sehun both laugh.

“You’re funny sometimes,” Minseok says.

“It’s true though,” Sehun says. “For half the year, some part of the IE is always on fire. That’s the most exciting thing about it.”

“Why do people live there?” Minseok asks.

Sehun shrugs.

“It’s cheaper than LA.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “By the way, Minseok, do you know someone named Baekhyun?”

“Goes to BC? Loud?” MInseok asks, fork halfway to his mouth.

Kyungsoo nods.

“Yeah,” Minseok says. “Wait, you know him? How? You don’t go to parties.”

“Um,” Kyungsoo says. “Technically, he’s my husband.”

The words feel almost as weird coming out of his mouth as when he’d come out to his grandmother. If he had his way, he’d never have to mention Baekhyun at all, but the party is looming next week. He’s been putting off asking, afraid that Minseok will say no and leave him in the embarrassing position of having no guests other than Junmyeon. He needs to ask. 

“No shit,” Minseok says, scooting his chair forward. “You’re the guy he married? And he’s still alive?”

Kyungsoo shrugs.

“He’s not that bad.”

“Yes he is,” Minseok says. “Pretty cute, though. He’s got that going for him.”

“You’re married?” Sehun asks.

“Technically,” Kyungsoo reiterates. “Just to make my parents happy until I’m out of school.”

“Oh,” Sehun says.

“Anyway,” Kyungsoo says, trying not to sound as tense as he feels. “We’re having a housewarming game night next week—“

“Kyungsoo, Minseok!” A loud voice booms before he can finish. 

Kyungsoo looks up to see Chanyeol hustling toward them with a tray of food, his mouth open in a big grin. His backpack and coat are hanging from his elbows, and Kyungsoo is surprised when he reaches the table without anything hitting the floor. He comes to a stop by an empty chair, panting. 

“Hey, can I join you?” He asks.

“Sure,” Kyungsoo says, gesturing at a chair. 

“Oh my god, it’s true,” Minseok says. “You really are married to Baekhyun, aren’t you?”

“I know, right? It’s the weirdest marriage ever,” Chanyeol says. “Hi, I’m Chanyeol.”

He thrusts his hand across the table at Sehun, who shakes it gingerly. 

“I’m Sehun.”

“Don’t scare him, he’s a freshman,” Minseok says.

“How would I scare him?” Chanyeol asks.

“By being you,” Minseok says.

Kyungsoo laughs, and Chanyeol looks at him and grins wider.

“You’re mean,” he says.

“He’s the one who said it,” Kyungsoo protests, pointing at Minseok.

“Laughing means you agree,” Minseok says.

“I hope you guys are coming to the housewarming party,” Chanyeol says to the boys across the table. It comes out easy, like he didn’t spend ages worrying about the possibility that Minseok might say no. “We’re gonna play video games on Kyungsoo’s 4K TV.”

“What’s a 4K TV?” Minseok asks. “And why are you inviting people to Kyungsoo’s house? Shouldn’t Kyungsoo invite people to Kyungsoo’s house?”

“A 4K TV is a really fucking good one,” Sehun says. “Um, pardon my French.”

“You’re good,” Minseok says. 

“I was just about to invite you,” Kyungsoo says.

“I know, I’m just picking on Yeol,” Minseok says. “Will there be alcohol?”

“Yixing has promised to deliver some in a discreet manner,” Chanyeol says.

“Okay, count me in,” Minseok says.

“And you?” Chanyeol says to Sehun. 

Sehun’s eyebrows drift up his face a bit.

“Um,” he says. “Sure?”

 

\----------------

 

‘A discreet manner’ turns out to mean vodka disguised as bottled water. Yixing sets it down on the counter with a wink when he arrives and says, “Don’t get me arrested.”

Yixing is stunningly handsome, with strong eyebrows and cheekbones and a cute dimple when he smiles. Kyungsoo tries not to stare at him as he walks back to the living room to deliver bro hugs to the also handsome, if less stunning, Jongdae and Chanyeol. 

A hand claps down on his shoulder, and Kyungsoo turns his head to find Baekhyun smirking at him. 

“Hot, isn’t he?” Baekhyun says.

“You dated him?” Kyungsoo asks.

He looks from Baekhyun to Yixing and back and decides he’s skeptical. 

“Contrary to popular belief, there aren’t that many gay kids in all-boys’ high schools,” Baekhyun says. “His options were me or nobody.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t pick nobody,” Kyungsoo says, smiling to show that he doesn’t mean it. 

He grins harder when Baekhyun scowls, and then he ducks off to answer the doorbell. 

This time it’s Junmyeon who enters, looking far too crisp for a college student in a nicely fitted pea coat. It’s probably Burberry. Kyungsoo takes the coat to hang in the closet next to Baekhyun’s coat, checking the tag just to see if he’s right. He is, and he notes that the tag in Baekhyun’s coat also says Burberry. He doesn’t look half as polished in it as Junmyeon. 

Junmyeon leans toward him, interrupting his train of thought.

“Are your parents having you watched?” He asks.

“I wouldn’t put it past them,” Kyungsoo says. “Why?”

“Somebody in the lobby asked where I was going with this,” Junmyeon says, hefting the nicely decorated paper bag in his hands. “He was hiding a camera in his coat.”

“Huh,” Kyungsoo says. 

“If anyone’s bringing alcohol, you might want to tell them to hide it,” Junmyeon says, walking to the kitchen with his bag. Sweets, if Kyungsoo remembers right.

“They did anyway,” Kyungsoo says. “That’s not water on the counter.”

Junmyeon chortles.

“Kyungsoo serving vodka from water bottles,” he says. “Now I’ve seen it all.”

“It’s not all vodka,” Baekhyun says. “That one’s peach schnapps.”

“Sex on the beach?” Junmyeon asks.

Baekhyun nods, pulling bottles of fruit juice out of the refrigerator. He sets out a red Solo cup and measures out alcohol from the water bottles into it, then adds cranberry and orange juice less cautiously. He hands the cup to Kyungsoo.

“This one’s yours,” he says. “Have you had liquor before?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head, quietly checking the rest of the room. Only Junmyeon is paying attention to them.

“Okay,” Baekhyun says. “Vodka’s got way more alcohol by volume than wine, so be careful.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun pours Junmyeon a more liberal cup at Junmyeon’s request, then whispers to Kyungsoo as Junmyeon walks off.

“If Yixing is too hot for me, Junmyeon is too hot for you.”

“But I never dated him,” Kyungsoo says.

“Whatever,” Baekhyun says. 

 

\----------------

 

“What game are we playing?” Kyungsoo asks Chanyeol later, as he sets up the console. 

“Mario Kart,” Chanyeol says.

“Wait a second,” Baekhyun says through a mouthful of pizza. “It’s our party. Why is Chanyeol choosing the game?”

“Because I’m the one who brought the console, dumbass,” Chanyeol says. “Also, Mario Kart is the best game for judging a person’s character.”

“Why are we judging people’s characters?” Baekhyun asks.

“Because I haven’t yet had the opportunity to judge the character of the man to whom you are betrothed,” Chanyeol says.

“Married,” Baekhyun says. “And you both go to the same university, and you’re friends on Facebook.”

“Whatever,” Jongdae says. “Any man we are to trust with your hand in marriage must prove his worthiness in the field of battle.”

“Guys, it’s too late for that,” Baekhyun says.

“Can we just play?” Minseok asks. “I think we’re scaring the freshmen.”

He points to Sehun and Jongin, a BC freshman Yixing had brought along. Both are watching quietly with wide eyes.

“Um,” Sehun says. “We’re fine.”

Kyungsoo chooses Bowser as his character.

“Bowser?” Chanyeol says. “Seriously?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond verbally. He waits for the countdown, then takes off, puttering up to speed at Bowser’s slow acceleration rate. When he finally pulls up alongside Chanyeol, he rams into his Mario. Mario spins out.

“He’s vicious,” Baekhyun says. “I love it.”

In response, Kyungsoo rolls over and knocks Baekhyun’s Yoshi off the road.

“Hey!”

He’s momentarily disabled by a red shell shot by Princess Peach.

“Jongdae, you ass,” Baekhyun says. “Don’t attack my husband.”

“Your husband is evil,” Jongdae says, voice high and nasal. 

Kyungsoo drives through an item box and groans when all he gets is a banana, which he drags behind him until he can sideswipe Mario again, sending him spinning.

“That’s it,” Chanyeol says. “I officially disapprove of this marriage.”

“What?” Baekhyun says. “Why?”

“Because your husband is a man of dubious character.”

Kyungsoo sends a blue shell that takes out Princess Peach, squeezing past Yoshi into the lead. Baekhyun slams him with a red shell.

“I thought we weren’t supposed to attack your husband,” Jongdae says.

“He’s my husband,” Baekhyun says. “I can red shell him if I want to. You need permission.”

“Okay, whatever. Chanyeol, will you marry me so we can gang up on them?” Jongdae says.

“Hey,” Junmyeon says. “He’s already seeing someone.”

“Didn’t stop Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says. 

Yoshi drives off the road, and Mario falls idle. Kyungsoo, in possession of a red shell, waits to look around the room until he’s taken out Princess Peach and crossed the finish line. 

When he does, he sees that Chanyeol’s got his hands clapped over his mouth, eyes huge and flitting between Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, who’s crawling toward him across the floor. Baekhyun punches Chanyeol in the shoulder.

Yixing is watching this all with his lip caught under his teeth. He drops it when he catches Kyungsoo watching, and he tips his head toward the kitchen. Kyungsoo passes his controller to Junmyeon and stands.

He’s already made it past the clump of bodies when he catches what Baekhyun is saying.

“You asshole, you didn’t tell me you were seeing someone!”

“I take it Chanyeol meant you?” Kyungsoo asks quietly when he gets to the kitchen.

“Baekhyun told you about us?” Yixing asks.

He starts uncapping bottles, pouring out another sex on the beach. 

“He told me you dated in high school,” Kyungsoo says. “Nothing about more recently.”

“Ah,” Yixing says. “Want another one of these?”

Kyungsoo blinks down at his hands, taking a moment to connect that Yixing is talking about the drinks. He shrugs and nods, and Yixing pulls out another cup.

“We got together again last year,” Yixing says. “It ended over the summer.”

The drink he pours is significantly deeper than the one Baekhyun had poured for Kyungsoo earlier. Kyungsoo decides not to say anything, but as he reaches for it another hand snatches it out of the air. Baekhyun edges around them, grabbing a second cup and swirling Kyungsoo’s before pouring half the liquid into the new cup.

“Xing, he doesn’t drink much,” Baekhyun says. “Go easy.”

Yixing looks at him, mouth set in a thin line.

“And look,” Baekhyun says. “I’m sorry. Can we talk?”

He’s speaking to Yixing, not Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo sidles back to the living room, where the current player lineup has switched to Chanyeol, Junmyeon, Jongin and Sehun. 

Jongdae, standing at the edge of the group, gestures at himself, Kyungsoo and Minseok, and then at the stairs. Kyungsoo nods and climbs up to the loft, noting that it’s more difficult to climb the stairs than usual. Jongdae and Minseok follow him a moment later. There are only two chairs, but Jongdae leans against Baekhyun’s desk rather than sit down.

“Hi,” Jongdae whispers. 

He glances toward the living room like he’s afraid the people downstairs will hear him, but Chanyeol and Junmyeon are in the middle of a loud breakup over the use of a blue shell. 

“Hi?” Kyungsoo says.

“Look,” Jongdae says. His eyebrows tip up in the middle. “I know Baekhyun didn’t want to tell you about the Yixing thing, and he probably looks like a jerk right now, but he’s a good guy. Right, Minseok?”

Minseok’s eyebrows slide up his forehead, and he crosses his arms across his chest.

“You’re asking me to say that Baekhyun is a good guy,” Minseok says.

“Back me up here,” Jongdae says.

“Fine,” Minseok says, turning to Kyungsoo. “Baekhyun, despite his many humongous character flaws, has a heart of gold. Or at least a very transparent heart.”

“Geez,” Jongdae says. “I hope you’re going to be better at the intimidating Kyungsoo part.”

“You want me to intimidate him?” Minseok asks. “He’s my mentee. I am not going to threaten him.”

“He’s your mentee?” Jongdae says. “What?”

“Yes,” Minseok says. “We’re friends. I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known you.”

“Guys?” Kyungsoo says.

“What?” Jongdae says. “Wait, should you be allowing your underage mentee to drink vodka right in front of your face?”

“It’s no longer a formal mentor/mentee relationship,” Minseok says. “It’s probably a bigger concern that I’m also his TA.”

“What the fuck,” Jongdae says.

“Guys,” Kyungsoo says, raising his voice just a tiny bit to get their attention and continuing in the previously established soft tone of voice they’ve all been using when they stop to look at him. “I’m not mad at Baekhyun, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Oh,” Jongdae says. “Okay. Um. That’s good.”

Kyungsoo starts to get up, but Jongdae holds his arm out.

“Wait, that was only part of this,” Jongdae says. 

Sitting back down, Kyungsoo waits for more. Jongdae sucks in a breath.

“Look, Baekhyun is a good guy,” Jongdae says. “And he’s been hurt a lot. We went to the same high school in Worcester after his parents kicked him out, and I never want to see him that unhappy again.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

“Just,” Jongdae continues. “He acts friendly, but he’s been afraid to trust people after what happened. So don’t fuck with him.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Okay,” Jongdae says. “Um. Good. I guess.”

He stays put for another moment, then seems to decide that they’re done and goes back down the stairs, and Kyungsoo gets up to follow.

“Hey, Kyungsoo?” Minseok says, also getting out of his chair. “For what it’s worth, Baekhyun really isn’t a complicated guy. I don’t know what’s going on with Yixing, but I’m sure he doesn’t have any ill intentions with it.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo says. “You know we’re not really in a relationship, right?”

“Yeah,” Minseok says. “Let’s go play some Mario Kart.”

 

\----------------

 

In the living room, they find Sehun crowing and pointing at the screen while Junmyeon and Chanyeol groan over their controllers. Jongin is driving steadily toward the finish line with pursed lips.

Kyungsoo sits down on the floor and sips his drink.

“Let’s do battle,” Chanyeol says. “Teams. East Coast versus West Coast.”

“I call a spot on East Coast,” Yixing says, walking into the living room from the hall.

“I’ll be on West Coast,” Minseok says. “Kyungsoo, play with me?”

A controller makes its way over to Kyungsoo, who accepts it from Junmyeon with a nod.

Somewhere in the middle of a frantic game punctuated by angry shrieks from Minseok and Chanyeol, Baekhyun comes and sits down beside Kyungsoo. He’s so quiet about it that Kyungsoo doesn’t notice his presence until he yells when Minseok is knocked out of the round. 

That leaves Kyungsoo to battle Chanyeol and Yixing alone. He doesn’t waste much thought on Baekhyun, because he’ll be out of the game quickly if he doesn’t pay attention.

Kyungsoo and Yixing both have two balloons, Chanyeol one. Getting down to one adversary first seems the best option. To that end, Kyungsoo sets off after Chanyeol. He takes him out with a shell, smiling to himself when Chanyeol shouts and frowning when Yixing promptly hits him with a bob-omb. 

Then the room fills with a penetrating, mechanical wail so loud that Kyungsoo can feel it. He claps his hands over his ears and looks around, finally realizing that it’s the fire alarm when he sees the flashing light over the door.

There’s a chorus of swearwords hardly audible between pulses of the sound, and Kyungsoo goes to the closet to open it so that the guests won’t forget their coats. Minseok is right behind him, taking his coat first and backing away from the closet to put it on. Several others simply grab their coats and walk out the door without bothering to put them on.

Kyungsoo turns to look around the room while he waits for people to file out and spots Baekhyun running into the bedroom. He decides to take his own coat and scarf from the closet before trying to figure out what the hell Baekhyun is doing. He catches on when he spots Mongryong’s leash hanging on its hook on the closet door.

He takes the leash back to the bedroom, where Baekhyun is cornering a dismayed Mongryong. Baekhyun squats down to scoop him up, then stands on shaky legs. When he finally notices Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo waves the end of the leash at him. 

He attaches it to Mongryong’s collar when Baekhyun nods down at it, and they make their way to the hall. The end of the leash drags on Kyungsoo’s hand when Baekhyun gets too far ahead of him.

If he drops it now, it’ll drag on the ground and become a tripping hazard, so he stays tethered to Baekhyun and the dog as they enter the stairwell and make their way down the four floors in a strangely quiet flood of people.

Somewhere on the stairs he notices that Baekhyun is missing his coat, but there’s no turning back with all of the people around them. More than likely it’s a case of burnt popcorn, and they’ll be back inside as soon as the fire department arrives, anyway. Baekhyun probably won’t need the coat.

Once they’re outside, Baekhyun sets Mongryong down with an oof and clutches his back as he stands up, finally taking the handle of the leash out of Kyungsoo’s hands. 

There’s a large crowd standing outside the building, including several people with pajama bottoms sticking out from beneath their coats, and a few others without coats. Most of those look like other college students, most likely from BU. Chanyeol catches Baekhyun’s attention by waving his hands above his head, and they make their way over to him, finding their friends gathered around him.

“You know, I think this is taking housewarming a little too far,” Junmyeon says.

Several people in their group and a few neighbors chuckle. 

There’s a murmuring noise at the edge of the crowd near the building, and a few people crane their necks to look at something. 

“Wow, that’s an actual fire,” Chanyeol says.

With no hope of seeing over heads from as far back as he is, Kyungsoo squeezes through the crowd with a sinking feeling. It only worsens when he spots flames through a window on the first floor, a few windows over from the apartment he shares with Baekhyun. 

The wail of sirens starts up as Kyungsoo looks for signs of fire in other windows, spotting a suspicious glow in the window directly above the one on the first floor. There’s a jingle by his feet, and he looks down to find Mongryong sniffing his shoe, then up to see Baekhyun.

“I hope you’ve been backing up your papers,” Kyungsoo says. 

Baekhyun nods, eyes on the fire and mouth pressed into a thinner version of its natural pout. 

Then he turns to Kyungsoo and smiles, leaning toward him to speak quietly.

“Good thing this marriage is a sham, isn’t it?” He says. “Otherwise I’d take it as a bad sign that our apartment building caught fire during the housewarming party.”

“What are you talking about?” Kyungsoo says. “I’d say it means our relationship is on fire.”

He grins at Baekhyun, and Baekhyun laughs, tipping his forehead down to rest on Kyungsoo’s shoulder for a moment. If it makes Kyungsoo feel a little warmer inside, he tries to ignore it.

“That was terrible,” Baekhyun says.

As the firefighters pull up and climb out of the truck, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun walk back to their friends to get out of the way.

In light of the actual fire burning in their building, Kyungsoo worries about Baekhyun, who’s standing in just a thin Henley and jeans, holding Mongryong’s leash with a bare hand. His teeth are already starting to chatter, and it’ll likely be a while before they can go back inside. 

Around them, Baekhyun’s friends stand comfortably in their coats, seemingly oblivious to his discomfort. Kyungsoo waits for a few minutes in the hope that one of them will notice and intervene, but it rapidly becomes apparent that none will. Kyungsoo unwinds his scarf, loops it around Baekhyun’s neck and secures it there. 

“I can’t believe you forgot your coat in there,” he says.

“You Californians are wimps,” Baekhyun says. “This is nothing.”

The way he shuffles closer to Kyungsoo exposes his lie, but Kyungsoo doesn’t comment. He unbuttons his coat and holds it open by the pockets, nodding down at the open space. Baekhyun clicks his tongue even as he steps over so that his side is against Kyungsoo’s stomach, and Kyungsoo wraps the coat around as much of Baekhyun as he can manage.

“Aww, look at the lovey dovey married couple,” Chanyeol shouts from a safe distance.

Looking at Baekhyun’s face from this close pushes intrusive thoughts into Kyungsoo’s mind about their wedding kiss, and he ends up focusing on the freckle over Baekhyun’s lip instead when he tries to think of other things. He turns his head to look anywhere else and finds Jongdae watching them.

He meets Jongdae’s gaze and holds it for a long moment, until movement next to Jongdae catches his eye. He shifts to see Minseok flashing him a smile and a thumbs up and smiles back, relieved when Jongdae joins in. 

Yixing is watching them from farther away, but Kyungsoo only meets his gaze for a moment before looking away, still not sure what’s going on between him and Baekhyun.

“You know,” Junmyeon says. “I think I have a blanket in my car. Let me check.”

He comes back with an ugly red and blue plaid throw blanket, which Baekhyun accepts gratefully. Kyungsoo buttons up his coat again as Baekhyun steps away, feeling even colder than before.

“You guys might wanna go,” Baekhyun says. “I don’t know how long this’ll take, since there’s actually a fire.”

Several of the boys nod and leave, but Junmyeon and Chanyeol stay behind.

“I’m supposed to drive Chanyeol home, but we’re both too drunk still,” Junmyeon says, while Chanyeol pulls out his phone to summon a ride on Lyft.

“Are you guys gonna be all right?” Chanyeol asks. “I’ve got floor space if you want it.”

“We’ve got Mongryong,” Baekhyun says, shaking the dog’s leash.

“We can sneak him in,” Chanyeol says.

“I’ll find a hotel,” Kyungsoo says. Then he feels weird about saying that, and he turns to Baekhyun. “Um, I can take Mongryong if you want to go with Chanyeol?”

“I get to sleep on a real bed at the hotel, right?” Baekhyun says. “I’ll take that over a floor any day.”

“Yeah, but we might have to share,” Kyungsoo says. 

“That’s fine,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo pulls up the nearest hotels on a map and starts calling them, quickly finding one that accepts dogs and booking a room. 

The firefighters are reeling a hose up to the building, which would seem to imply that they’re going to take a while. Mongryong is probably cold, Baekhyun looks uncomfortable in his blanket, and Kyungsoo doesn’t see a point in watching the fire. 

“Do you want to just go now?” Kyungsoo asks, once Junmyeon and Chanyeol have caught their ride.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “It’s not like we can go in and rescue our textbooks or anything.”

The hotel is within walking distance, but it’s still a few blocks away. Baekhyun looks down at his blanket and giggles, passing Mongryong’s leash to Kyungsoo. Holding the blanket around his neck like a cape, he runs down the road.

“I’m Superman!” He shouts.

Mongryong runs to catch up, forcing Kyungsoo to run as well. 

“We should be quiet,” he says when he catches up, pointing at the windows of the apartment buildings around them.

“Oh,” Baekhyun says.

His smile twitches briefly into a rueful grimace and then back. Kyungsoo grins.

Thinking back to Yixing, Kyungsoo weighs the risk of offending Baekhyun by prying with the benefit of knowing better what’s going on and eventually decides to ask.

“What Chanyeol said,” he starts.

Baekhyun sighs.

“Chanyeol is an idiot,” he says. “I did get back together with Yixing last year, but I broke it off. Chanyeol just didn’t believe me.”

“Why wouldn’t he believe you?” Kyungsoo asks. 

“Because he’s a hopeless romantic,” Baekhyun says. “He thinks Yixing is my one true love, even though we broke up like four times last year.”

Kyungsoo holds in a snort, suspecting that last bit is the real reason Chanyeol didn’t believe him.

“Why did you tell me you didn’t get back together with him?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Because I was afraid you’d feel guilty,” Baekhyun says. “To be honest, the last time was after our grandmas came up with this marriage idea, but I’d been thinking about it for a long time. I’d just been putting it off because I kept breaking up with Yixing and then going back to him, and I was afraid it would be another one of those.”

“How did you know it wasn’t?” Kyungsoo asks.

“The other times it happened, it was that resentment I told you about, but then after a few weeks I’d miss him,” Baekhyun says. “This time there wasn’t as much resentment, and then I didn’t miss him when I went to Worcester for summer break. It really felt like it was over.”

“I see,” Kyungsoo says.

“I’m awful,” Baekhyun says.

“Why?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I hurt him a lot every time I broke up with him,” Baekhyun says. “And the truth is, I think I fell out of love with him before I came back for college. I was just clinging to him because I was lonely, and I missed my life from before.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun smiles a wan little smile.

“You’re really not a man of many words,” he says.

“I don’t know what to say,” Kyungsoo says, knowing he should say something nice but unable to come up with anything. “I don’t know much about relationships.”

“It’s fine,” Baekhyun says. “You don’t have to say anything.”

He walks on quietly. Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to make of it all, so he keeps quiet as well. 

Baekhyun gets a funny look from the lone receptionist working the desk when they walk into the hotel. It’s replaced by a dismayed expression when he explains himself with a laugh. That has the unexpected benefit of getting them toothbrushes, deodorant, and razors without having to ask.

The first thing Baekhyun does when they arrive is launch himself onto the bed, landing on his back. He closes his eyes and squirms like he’s making a snow angel.

“Ahhh,” he says. “This is amazing.”

“You should just share with me at home, too,” Kyungsoo says. “That couch can’t be good for your back.”

“Maybe I will,” Baekhyun says. “If you pass the test.”

“What test?”

“We’re going to be sharing all winter break, right?” Baekhyun asks. “I doubt your mom’s going to put me in a separate room.”

“Probably,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Well, if we make it through winter break without issue, then I’ll share with you.”

“You already shared with me at your grandma’s house,” Kyungsoo says.

The mention of their upcoming trip to California makes him want to curl up into a little ball. He lies down on the other side of the bed and stares up at the ceiling instead. 

“That was just for a couple nights,” Baekhyun says. “It wasn’t enough time to really get a feel for things.”

Wrapped up in his thoughts, Kyungsoo forgets to respond.

“Are you worried?” Baekhyun asks.

He rolls to face Kyungsoo, so Kyungsoo rolls to face him, too.

“Yeah,” he says.

Three weeks with his mother, whose feelings on his sexuality and Baekhyun he still isn’t really sure of.

“Don’t worry,” Baekhyun says. “Older women love me.”

He winks, and Kyungsoo shoves his shoulder.

“Don’t be gross,” he says. “That’s my mom you’re talking about.”

“I meant that in a platonic way!”

“Uh huh.”

“Hey, at least we’ll get out of this cold weather for a bit? What kind of clothes should I bring?”

“Long sleeves, sweaters, short sleeves,” Kyungsoo says. “Assuming you still have any tomorrow.”

“Fuck,” Baekhyun says. “We’re so fucked. What if we lose all our textbooks?”

“Mine are mostly ebooks,” Kyungsoo says.

“So what,” Baekhyun says. “You’re gonna read them on your phone? Don’t you have, like, coding assignments to work on, too?”

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun giggles, and Kyungsoo presses his hands over his face and comes to the also horrifying realization that neither of them have pajamas. He’ll have to share a bed with Baekhyun in his underwear.

“Yep, we’re fucked,” Kyungsoo says.

 

\----------------

 

In the morning, Kyungsoo calls the leasing office ten minutes after they open. The phone goes immediately to the after-hours message directing him to press one for emergency maintenance and two to leave a message for the office staff. 

He trades keys with Baekhyun so that he can pick up Baekhyun’s car, then walks over to the apartment building.

It’s still got the caution tape on all the entrances that’d been there when he’d walked Mongryong that morning, and there are black marks around several of the windows, which are missing their glass. He finds one of the office staff standing outside the leasing office entrance with a clipboard, along with a man Kyungsoo doesn’t recognize.

“We can’t let anyone back in yet,” the leasing agent says. “It’ll probably be a couple days. Can I have your cell number so I can call you when we’ve got a status update?”

 

\----------------

 

“Fucking fuck,” Baekhyun says, when Kyungsoo gets back with the news. He leans onto his side on the sofa, where he’d been looking at his phone.

Kyungsoo sets his shopping bag on the table, then plugs his phone into the charger he’d bought for them to share that morning. He pulls everything out of the bag and sorts it into piles.

“Check if this fits,” he says, throwing the parka at the couch.

It’s not exactly high fashion, since TJ Maxx was the only store open when Kyungsoo was out, but it’s down and checked out for warmth, plus the dark gray color means it’ll go with just about anything. Baekhyun scrambles up to try it.

“You bought me a coat?” He says, tugging it on.

“Yours is still in the apartment,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun laughs.

“Do you have any idea how rich you are?”

“Yes?” Kyungsoo says. “But what’s that got to do with anything?”

“You dropped probably several hundred dollars on a stay at a hotel and then bought me a new coat for what might only be a day,” Baekhyun says. “I would’ve slept on Chanyeol’s floor and found someone with a spare coat to loan me.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. 

“I’m not complaining,” Baekhyun says. “I won’t say no to a new coat.”

He stuffs his hands in his pockets and prances over to the mirrored closet, where he strikes several poses and experiments with the zipper. It might be cheap, but it looks nice on him, just the right width in the shoulders and narrowing at the waist. 

Kyungsoo smiles and turns back to his piles of clothes, taking the one for himself to the bathroom to shower and change out of his gross things.

“When you’re done preening, I left you a shirt and underwear on the table,” he says as he goes.

 

\----------------

 

The next few days go by in a flurry of studying wherever Kyungsoo can get a computer on campus, then paperwork on top of studying when they’re finally allowed into the apartment to assess damage and gather things. Their apartment suffered neither burning nor smoke damage, but the water damage from the sprinkler system turns out to be extensive.

Sookja comes to Boston early the day of Baekhyun’s December choral performance to help with the insurance forms, since Kyungsoo and Baekhyun don’t have the foggiest idea how much money half of their possessions are worth.

Naturally, Kyungsoo has a final the same day. He goes straight from the exam to the apartment to help Sookja, then rushes to the hotel to walk Mongryong and change into nicer clothes. 

As he walks through the hotel lobby, the receptionist stops him.

“You’re Kyungsoo Do, right?” They ask.

Kyungsoo nods. 

“We got something in the mail for you today.”

Kyungsoo takes the envelope they pass over the desk. It’s the stiff kind used for mailing pictures and important documents. He’s not sure why he’d get anything of either kind.

He thanks the receptionist and catches the elevator, examining the envelope once he’s inside. It’s addressed to him, with no name on the return address. He rips open the top and looks in, half expecting to find white powder but finding photographs instead.

He waits until he’s in the suite before pulling them out to look at them. 

They’re printed out three photographs to a sheet. The first on the page on top shows Baekhyun standing with Chanyeol, Jongdae, and a group of other people, all holding plastic cups. In the foreground are the blurry bars of a window. The next is of him—or at least someone wearing the same outfit—dancing with his back pressed to a taller boy, shot through a similar window.

The last shows him walking outside of a building with the boy he’d been dancing with, stretching up to kiss him. They’re not wearing coats, so it must be from months ago.

The next sheet has pictures of Baekhyun with three different people, all shot at night. In one, they’re just holding hands; in another, the other guy has his hand on Baekhyun’s ass; in the third, very grainy photo, someone who could just as easily not be Baekhyun is making out with a man about his own height in what looks like an alley. 

After that is another sheet just like the previous one, only the people Baekhyun is with in each shot are all girls, and they’re all wearing coats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always loved! Or come talk to me on [Tumblr!](https://turkeythief.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

Something bumps against Kyungsoo’s leg. He jumps about a mile into the air, but when he looks down he only sees Mongryong looking up at him with the feed me face.

Kyungsoo’s hands are shaking. Without another glance, he scoops all of the pictures back into the envelope. The temptation to rip them all into shreds is strong, but he has an idea that he may need them as evidence for something.

They shouldn’t be left where Baekhyun might find them without warning, so he slips the envelope into the suitcase he liberated from their apartment. Then he feeds and walks Mongryong, his mind wandering through possibilities.

His first thought is that his mother is having Baekhyun watched, per Junmyeon’s suggestion. It’s disgusting and slimy and absolutely something she would do, to make sure Baekhyun was behaving properly. What has she done to Mihye behind the scenes, all these years? Kyungsoo has never been Seungsoo’s confidant, so he can only guess.

When the initial tide of rage begins to wear off, though, he sees a problem with that logic; while spying is something his mother would do, taking an indirect approach to telling Kyungsoo about it is a new idea. If she thought Kyungsoo didn’t know, she’d send the email herself or make up a story about someone telling her they’d seen Baekhyun cheating. If she knew Kyungsoo was pulling the wool over her eyes until graduation, she’d be making her displeasure known in some other way. 

He doesn’t write off the possibility completely, but he starts to consider who else might do it. Baekhyun’s parents? Yixing? 

Baekhyun’s parents might think he’s straight after all, if he’s been running around with girls. Then it would make sense to try to provoke a divorce from Kyungsoo’s end, so that Baekhyun leaves blameless in the eyes of the gossip crew. 

But why send Kyungsoo evidence, in that case? He could just as easily ruin Baekhyun’s reputation by making it known, if he were the type.

Whether Yixing is the type to do something like this is beyond Kyungsoo’s knowledge, even if he does have the most obvious motive.

 

\----------------

 

By the time he has to take Mongryong back to the apartment, Kyungsoo still doesn’t have any answers. 

He digs the email message about his husband cheating on him out of his spam box and pulls up the metadata, looking for IP addresses, but the only one he finds points to Redmond, Washington—more likely because it’s the home of Microsoft than because it’s the home of the sender. 

Any more hunting would make him late. He shelves the idea for when he has more time to look.

On the T on his way to Boston College, he can’t shake the feeling that someone is watching him. When he looks around, all of the other passengers are either asleep or looking at their phones. He looks back at his own phone and hopes he doesn’t look as paranoid as he feels.

The feeling gets worse as he walks up the street from the station to BC. He looks at every building he passes, trying to figure out if it could be one from any of the pictures, even though he could hardly see anything of those buildings, just the ubiquitous red brick with white window frames. Every other building he passes fits the description.

It’s cold and dark. He hurries on, pausing only in front of a signpost on campus to figure out where he’s going. 

A large hand lands on his shoulder, and Kyungsoo nearly jumps out of his skin. Wheeling around, he backs away from the hand, only to find himself looking at Chanyeol and Junmyeon.

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says.

He lifts his hands in front of him and backs up a step.

“Are you okay?” Junmyeon asks. “You look a little freaked out.”

“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo says. “Are you guys here for Baekhyun’s thing?”

“Yep,” Chanyeol says. 

Kyungsoo tags along with them to the chapel, where they find Sookja standing in the crowd with a pair of people Kyungsoo hardly recognizes, he’s seen them so few times.

“Huh,” Chanyeol says.

It’s nice to have Chanyeol around, suddenly, because he walks right up to give Sookja a giant hug. All Kyungsoo has to do is trail along in his wake, and he has a few extra moments to sort out words to greet Baekhyun’s parents.

“So good of you to make it,” Chanyeol says to the Byun couple when he’s done greeting Sookja.

If sarcasm and rage were a wall, Chanyeol wouldn’t be visible behind it. His eyebrows are tipped down, voice practically growling. Extra nice, Kyungsoo thinks. Good to know somebody gets to be rude to them.

Baekhyun’s mother’s eyes widen, and her mouth hangs partway open. 

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon cuts in, looking at Sookja and the Byun couple. “You look familiar, but I don’t think we’ve met?” 

Chanyeol freezes, his own mouth caught in a little parody of Baekhyun’s mother’s. Time for Kyungsoo to play good cop.

“Mr. and Mrs. Byun, Grandma, this is Junmyeon Kim,” Kyungsoo says. “Junmyeon, these are Baekhyun’s parents and his grandmother, Sookja.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon says, holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Chanyeol’s boyfriend.”

He claims the boyfriend title as smoothly as he would if Chanyeol were a girl. It’s only as he stands with his hand out and a charming smile on his face that Kyungsoo can see how brilliant it is; if either parent were to reject the handshake, any onlookers would only see someone refusing a friendly greeting. 

Does he know the story of Baekhyun’s parents? Kyungsoo can’t begin to guess if he’s deliberately backing them into a corner out of malice or doing what he normally does when he meets a friend’s parents.

From the grimace on Chanyeol’s face, it might be the latter. Or Chanyeol could be clueless.

But Baekhyun’s mother shakes Junmyeon’s hand.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she says. “You’re not Lacy Kim’s son, are you?”

“I am,” Junmyeon says, smiling.

“I see,” she says. “You probably don’t remember me, but I met you once or twice when you were little.”

Things fall into easy conversation after that, at least between Junmyeon and Baekhyun’s mother. How Junmyeon can act so interested in the goings on of his parents and their acquaintances is beyond Kyungsoo, who tries his hardest not to roll his eyes and sigh when Mrs. Byun starts down a list of other people she knows whose kids have gone to Harvard to see if Junmyeon knows any of them. Chanyeol’s eyes start to glaze over after a while, and Kyungsoo can see Sookja's shoulders shaking in quiet laughter. 

At some point, Kyungsoo spots Yixing at the edge of the room. He looks away quickly, unsure if he should smile or call Yixing over despite the presence of his ex-boyfriend’s homophobic parents. There really needs to be a manual for these situations. 

The lights dim. Kyungsoo breathes a sigh of relief at the forced end to the monotonous conversation and social dilemmas. 

Approximately ten minutes in, Kyungsoo catches himself lip synching along with the song being performed. He doesn’t know the title of it, but he finds that he knows every word.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Baekhyun’s mother looking at him. He forces down the urge to clam up and keeps mouthing the lyrics. A loving husband might know all the words to his husband’s choral performance, right? Not that anyone living with Baekhyun could possibly not know all the lyrics to anything he’s working on. 

Then he pauses. If Baekhyun’s mother is responsible for the photographs, what will Baekhyun want to do? It wouldn’t be that weird for him to decide to divorce Kyungsoo and find a girl instead, if it meant getting back into his parents’ good graces. If that’s the case, acting like they’re a loving couple would harm his cause instead of helping it.

On stage, Baekhyun sings on obliviously, his mouth curving into a little smile around his words. He’s cute, as always, a little bit too eager in his singing but talented. Oblivious.

Unless he’s been keeping secrets, he doesn’t know that he’s being watched. Stalked? The possibility of a stalker hadn’t even occurred to Kyungsoo until now, but it’s there. 

Either way, Kyungsoo needs to tell Baekhyun, and his stomach curdles at the thought of giving Baekhyun more bad news. 

 

\----------------

 

Any ease Junmyeon had brought to the conversation disappears when Baekhyun and Jongdae find them after the show. There’s a brief round of awkward greetings, and Baekhyun’s mother reaches out to give him a very light hug. They stay standing so far away from each other throughout the process that she has to bend at the waist to do it.

“Your father and I want to take you to a late dinner,” she says. “If that’s alright?”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says.

Then there’s silence. Kyungsoo doesn’t know if he’s included in this dinner and doesn’t want to ask. He also doesn’t know if it would serve Baekhyun better for him to act like they’re a proper married couple or leave him alone. 

“I’m going to the bathroom,” he says. 

Hopefully by the time he gets back, it’ll be clear whether or not he’s expected to attend the dinner.

“Me too,” Junmyeon says.

The tension eases out of Kyungsoo’s shoulders the moment the door to the main room of the chapel closes behind them.

“Hey,” he says to Junmyeon. “You said you saw someone with a camera at the housewarming?”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says.

“What did he look like?”

“Middle aged, big nose, blue eyes, freckles,” Junmyeon says. “He was wearing a beige trench coat and a beanie.”

Kyungsoo is too surprised by the detailed description to respond for a moment. Junmyeon laughs.

“I watch a lot of cop shows. Did something happen?”

“Someone sent me pictures of Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Shit.”

“You don’t sound surprised.”

Junmyeon sighs and holds the door to the bathroom open. He nods inside and waits for the door to close before speaking. 

“I know you hate gossip, so I wasn’t sure if I should tell you,” he says, voice quiet. “But you and Baekhyun have kind of been the story of the year on my mom’s gossip circuit, you know?”

“So?”

Given the circumstances, Kyungsoo had expected to be the gossip story of the year. It would be worrying if he wasn’t.

“So,” Junmyeon says. “There have been rumors floating around that Baekhyun has been seen cheating on you. With girls, even.”

Kyungsoo wheels around and slams his fist into the wall without a thought to what he’s doing.

In the handful of seconds after the fact, he realizes that it wasn’t the wall that he hit but a mirror. It’s cracked under his fist, but not so much that he can’t see Junmyeon staring at him in it with wide eyes.

“What the fuck,” Kyungsoo says.

“You okay?” Junmyeon asks.

“My mother forced me to get married at the age of fucking nineteen,” Kyungsoo says. “And now she, or someone else, is spying on the guy they forced me to marry and telling the whole world about his personal business. Like he hasn’t dealt with enough bullshit already. How the fuck would I be okay?”

There’s blood on his hand. He goes to the sink to rinse it, and the explosive anger in his head fades enough for him to start to feel embarrassed as he watches the red splash onto the white sink. Junmyeon has never been someone he’s felt the urge to spill his guts to.

Then again, nobody is. Maybe if he and Junmyeon had been more open, they’d have been better friends. They went to the same high school, if only briefly, but the first Kyungsoo had heard of Junmyeon being gay was from his mother. 

“It sucks,” Junmyeon says after a while. “You think it’s your mom?”

“She’s crazy enough,” Kyungsoo says. “You should hear the shit she says to Seungsoo’s—my sister-in-law.”

“Still,” Junmyeon says. “I get the impression Baekhyun’s parents aren’t exactly proof that William Golding was wrong about human nature.”

Kyungsoo looks at his hand. It’s still bleeding. He yanks a paper towel out of the dispenser and applies pressure. There’s blood on the mirror, too, and he wonders how many embarrassing phone calls he’ll have to make before he finds the right person to pay for the damage.

Junmyeon gives him a little smile.

“You’re not upset about Baekhyun, though?” 

“Why should I be?” Kyungsoo asks. “It’s not like I expected him not to see anyone. We’re not in a relationship.”

“He’s not being careful about it, though,” Junmyeon says.

“I think that’s just the kind of person he is,” Kyungsoo says. 

“It is,” says another voice, just as the door to the big stall creaks open. Yixing walks out of it, carrying a bag on his shoulder.

Junmyeon startles. Yixing leans against the side of the stall. He’s wearing leather pants and a T-shirt with the lowest neckline Kyungsoo has ever seen on a guy. 

“Baekhyun’s not a bad guy,” Yixing says. “Maybe a little self-centered, but not bad. He just wants people to love him.”

Kyungsoo’s brain is having trouble processing this situation. He stays silent.

“Sorry,” Yixing says. “I was getting changed when you came in, and then I stayed to eavesdrop.”

Kyungsoo stares blankly as Yixing walks to the door and pauses with his hand on the handle.

“Oh,” Yixing says, looking pointedly at Kyungsoo’s makeshift bandage. “And if I ever hear about you getting violent like that around him, I will do everything in my power to have you put in jail.”

He walks out the door. Kyungsoo looks down at his hand. He lifts the paper towel, but the blood starts flowing again. 

“You know,” Junmyeon says. “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more emotion out of you in the last ten minutes than I have in the rest of the time I’ve known you.”

Kyungsoo shrugs.

 

\----------------

 

They find Chanyeol and Jongdae still with Baekhyun and his parents upon their return, but Sookja is gone. Baekhyun is holding the coat Kyungsoo got him, even though his Burberry coat had come back from the cleaners looking about as good as it had before the fire. 

“What took you two so long?” Jongdae says. “I was starting to think someone died.”

“Kyungsoo hurt his hand,” Junmyeon says. 

Kyungsoo waves his hand with its unfortunate paper towel bandage. 

“It wouldn’t stop bleeding,” he says. 

“How’d that happen?” Chanyeol asks. 

“Um,” Kyungsoo says. He’s thought and thought, but he can’t come up with a reasonable explanation.

“He tripped and tried to catch himself on the mirror,” Junmyeon says.

“Oh no,” Baekhyun’s mother says. “Does it need stitches?”

Checking under the paper towel, Kyungsoo doesn’t see any fresh blood.

“I think it’s okay,” he says. “Maybe a band-aid.”

“We can stop by a CVS,” Baekhyun’s mother says. “You’re joining us for dinner, right?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says. 

It turns out that by ‘us’ she means Baekhyun and his parents only. The other boys leave, Kyungsoo trying not to watch longingly as they go. Even an actual college party might be better than dinner with the Byuns.

When they’re in the car, Kyungsoo fingers Baekhyun’s coat. 

“Why didn’t you bring your nice one?”

Baekhyun casts a look at the front seat, then the coat. Maybe this wasn’t the place to ask.

Then he smiles at Kyungsoo, the too-large grin he gets sometimes. Mischief is coming.

“I like this one.”

“Why?”

Baekhyun pinches Kyungsoo’s cheek.

“Because you gave it to me.”

Kyungsoo figures he should leave the hand on his cheek for the sake of appearances, but he gives Baekhyun a good glare to make up for it. He erases it the moment Baekhyun’s mother turns in her seat to look at them.

“What was that look for?” Baekhyun asks.

“What look?”

“You were glaring.”

“I wasn’t glaring. That’s just my face.”

Baekhyun’s mother’s eyebrows crease as she looks at the coat, and shit. It’s way too cheap for someone like Kyungsoo to give his husband as a gift. If his father gave his mother a coat that cheap, she’d be furious.

Baekhyun glowers and drops his hand.

“Your parents must think I’m a terrible husband,” Kyungsoo says. “Buying you a coat at TJ Maxx.”

He doesn’t know much about stores, but Baekhyun’s mother probably does, if she’s anything like Kyungsoo’s mother. Based on the prices in the store, it’s a safe bet that she’ll cringe.

Baekhyun freezes.

“Oh,” he says. “Yeah. Um. But it was so sweet! Mom, he went out and got me a coat the morning after the fire, because I left mine in the apartment.”

“I see,” Baekhyun’s mother says.

Her face isn’t easy to read—kind of unhappy. That could be because of anything from distaste for the coat, to distaste for her son’s interest in men, or distaste for something else entirely. Maybe she’s got RBF like Kyungsoo. It’s hard to imagine that someone as cheerful as Baekhyun could be her son. 

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo when his mother finally turns back to face forward. He mouths something that looks like, “Why would you bring that up?”

Kyungsoo shrugs.

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun’s father says from the driver’s seat. “Do you know what kind of coat people wear when they need to stop a car in Boston?”

“No?” Kyungsoo says.

“A parka!”

His laugh at his own joke is harsh in the quiet car. The next largest reaction is Kyungsoo’s tiny, awkward courtesy smile. Baekhyun’s face falls, and he leans against the car door and looks outside.

Kyungsoo nudges his shoulder to get his attention. 

“Are you okay?” He mouths.

“What?” Baekhyun mouths back. 

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo mouths again.

Baekhyun just twists his eyebrows up.

Rather than try a third time, Kyungsoo reaches across the seat and slides his hand—the one not covered with a bunch of bandaids—over Baekhyun’s. 

Baekhyun raises his eyebrows down at their hands for a moment until Kyungsoo starts to worry that he’s made the wrong move. He lifts his hand to retract it, but Baekhyun grabs it and pulls it back down. He twines their fingers together and turns to look back out the window, and Kyungsoo can see his smile reflected in the glass.

Kyungsoo looks out his own window. 

At the start of their meal, Baekhyun seems determined to smile and touch Kyungsoo as much as possible. He pats Kyungsoo’s shoulder while relating one story about him, rests his hand on Kyungsoo’s thigh for another story. Each time he does it, Baekhyun’s parents seem to look anywhere but at the place where Baekhyun is touching Kyungsoo.

Case in point: as Baekhyun manages to make a grand, dramatic tale out of Kyungsoo’s reaction to Easy Mac—brought on by finals studying and the lack of a proper kitchen in their hotel studio—he ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair and then nudges his shoulder. Kyungsoo has to fight down his natural urge to swat Baekhyun’s hand away, but Baekhyun’s parents are suddenly very interested in their steaks.

“Why didn’t you order room service?” Baekhyun’s mother asks.

She looks up, but she looks very carefully only at Baekhyun’s face.

“It’s not finals if you don’t live on Easy Mac,” Baekhyun says.

His father turns to his mother and asks in a whisper, “What is Easy Mac?”

They don’t know any of this, then. It’s been the same storytelling Baekhyun was doing with Sookja at Thanksgiving, sticking to the current school year, but his parents must not know of anything from the past couple years. They don’t know about Baekhyun’s terrible college studying and eating habits; even Kyungsoo, who wasn’t there at the time, knows that Baekhyun ate Easy Mac at least three times a week during his freshman year in college.

In the days since Thanksgiving, he’s found it hard not to know anything about Baekhyun. The information is volunteered to him in stream-of-consciousness babbling any time they’re in a room together.

Then again, he didn’t know that Baekhyun was dating girls. 

Then again, that’s really none of his business. He wishes he could wipe the information out of his mind.

Baekhyun’s smile is gone when Kyungsoo looks.

By the time the waiter comes to ask if they want dessert, Kyungsoo is ready to spin a long story about finals to get out of it. Baekhyun beats him to it.

The Byuns drop them off in front of the hotel, and Baekhyun stands still and looks up at the windows.

“Are you going to catch up with Jongdae and Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo asks. 

Baekhyun taps his fingers on his lips, eventually pressing a knuckle against his teeth. It’s odd looking.

“No,” he says. “I’m not in the mood for getting drunk and making bad decisions.”

“That reminds me,” Kyungsoo says. “I need to show you something.”

“Oh no,” Baekhyun says. “Did you make a bad decision? Please tell me you really cut your hand punching someone who was wearing sharp jewelry. Please.”

He’s grinning. It makes Kyungsoo feel guilty, knowing Baekhyun doesn’t know that he’s being followed.

“It was just a mirror,” Kyungsoo says. “Um, by the way. Do you know the phone number for the BC facilities management people?”

“You punched a mirror?” Baekhyun says, grinning harder. “Ooh, this is good. Did Junmyeon also not tell you he was dating Chanyeol?”

“No, that’s not it,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t give a fuck who Junmyeon dates.”

“Really?” Baekhyun says. “You cannot tell me you’ve never had a crush on him. He’s gorgeous.”

“I’ve known him my entire life, for one thing,” Kyungsoo says. “And my crushes aren’t usually based on looks, for another.”

“Oh no,” Baekhyun says. “Are you one of those sapiosexual people? Am I doomed to never win your love because I’m too dumb?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says. “Are you dumb?”

“Dumb as a rock,” Baekhyun says. “I really thought my parents would be okay with me liking men. I wasn’t ready to come out to them when they found that picture, but I also didn’t think it would be a big deal, you know?”

“That doesn’t make you dumb,” Kyungsoo says.

Then they’re walking in the door to the hotel room. Kyungsoo digs out the envelope, and he wants to punch a mirror all over again when he turns to find Baekhyun giving Mongryong a belly rub. It’s not fair that he has to be the one to do this.

“So um,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t know who sent this, but it showed up for me in the mail today. I thought you should know.”

He holds the envelope out, and Baekhyun takes it and opens it. Kyungsoo watches him sit down and pull out the pictures. He watches Baekhyun’s eyes widen when he sees what they are.

“What the fuck?” Baekhyun says.

He flips quickly through the pictures, making no attempt to keep his fingers off the glossy surfaces. As he lifts one to move it to the end of the stack, Kyungsoo notices that it has writing on the back. 

“What?” Baekhyun says again when he gets to the last shot.

His face looks grayish when he looks up at Kyungsoo. The last picture is still pinched between his fingers.

“There wasn’t a message with them?”

Kyungsoo takes the stack from Baekhyun’s hands and sets the photos face down on the table. He flips through it.

“Are you going to answer me?” Baekhyun asks.

“I didn’t think there was until just now,” Kyungsoo says. 

It doesn’t take long to find the picture, but the note is short. Baekhyun cranes over Kyungsoo’s shoulder to read it with him. 

_SENDING THESE IN CASE YOU DIDN’T SEE MY EMAILS. YOU MIGHT WANT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS._

“Emails?” Baekhyun asks.

“I got a few,” Kyungsoo says. “The subjects sounded like spam, so I didn’t open them.”

“Who sent them?”

“I don’t know.”

“Can’t you find out?” Baekhyun says. “You’re a computer science major. Can’t you hack the emails?”

“I’m not a hacker,” Kyungsoo says. “I couldn’t even find an IP address to track that didn’t lead straight to Microsoft.”

Baekhyun sighs and picks up one of the pictures to stare at it. It’s of him with a girl who may have been in the choral performance, Kyungsoo thinks. She’s small, with a sharp nose, and her hand is delicate enough to make Baekhyun’s look large.

“Have you made anyone angry lately?” Kyungsoo asks. 

Baekhyun shakes his head. 

“I mean, obviously I do things with a lot of people that might make someone mad,” Baekhyun says. “But do you really think this is anyone other than our parents?”

“But which parents?” Kyungsoo asks. “And what do they want?”

“Could be yours. Could be mine. They want us to take our marriage more seriously.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “Also, Junmyeon told me his mom heard through the grapevine that you’ve been seen cheating on me.”

“Then that would be your parents’ side, right?” Baekhyun says. “I don’t think my mom is all that close with his mom.”

He relaxes in his seat a little. 

“Is that better than your parents’ side?” Kyungsoo asks.

Baekhyun drops the picture he’s holding onto the table in front of Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo looks at it.

“You think my parents are going to understand that?”

“What, exactly?” Kyungsoo asks. That he likes girls? 

“That going out with girls doesn’t mean I’m straight.”

“Are you bi?” Kyungsoo asks. Might as well get that out there.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “I guess.”

“You guess? How can you not know?”

Baekhyun puts his elbow on the table and rests his head in his hand. He looks at Kyungsoo without turning his head all the way to face him.

“It’s weird,” Baekhyun says. “I had some crushes on girls when I was a kid, but then I fell really hard for Yixing in high school. I thought liking a boy must mean I was gay, you know? But then there’s this girl in chorus, and I kinda wanted to kiss her.”

He taps the picture with the girl.

“If you wanted to kiss her, then why—“

That sentence was going to an awful place, so Kyungsoo drops it and drops his hand. It’s not his business why Baekhyun has been kissing so many people, and he doesn’t mean to judge. But Baekhyun just gives him a rueful smile and gestures at the stack of pictures.

“Why have I been playing tonsil hockey with all these people?” 

Kyungsoo winces and nods.

“Well,” Baekhyun says. “Last year there was still Yixing. Even when we were broken up, I was afraid to go after her.”

“Why?”

“Because I put so many people through so much,” Baekhyun says. “Grandma hardly talks to my parents now, and Baekbeom has to pick sides for every holiday. I can’t even begin to say what Yixing went through. I was shitty to all my friends. I was shitty to myself.”

“Oh.”

“Can you imagine if I dated a girl, after all of that?” Baekhyun continues. “Like, hey everyone, thanks for everything but I’m seeing a girl now!”

“But you liked Yixing, didn’t you?” Kyungsoo asks. “It’s not like you faked your relationship with him.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “I don’t feel guilty. Just worried that they’ll think that way, you know? These are the people I have left. If I piss them off, I’ve got nobody.”

Oh.

“So anyway,” Baekhyun says. “I wasn’t really sure if Taeyeon was just a fluke or something, so I thought I should go out and figure out for sure what it is that I like before I confuse everyone.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

“I guess I need to be more careful.”

“Yeah. Do you want to go to the police?”

“No,” Baekhyun says. “But we should save these pictures just in case.”

He sits back in his chair and lets out a big breath. 

“Great, now I need to go do something to burn off all this nervous energy,” he says. “And it’s really late.”

“Is that party Chanyeol went to still happening?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Probably,” Baekhyun says. “But I probably shouldn’t be seen there right now, unless you want to come with me.”

“Nope.”

“That’s what I thought. What is there to do at eleven at night that isn’t parties or bars?”

“I guess you could, um, take a walk?”

It wasn’t at all a serious suggestion. Kyungsoo had only even made it because he’d started the sentence and had nothing to finish it with. He rarely goes out at night. 

But the thing is that he’s still learning the ropes of living with Mongryong. As soon as the word is out of his mouth, he hears the jingle of a collar and the pat of feet, and then he finds himself looking down into the face of a dog with hopeful eyes and a wagging butt.

“Now you’ve done it,” Baekhyun says. “The person who fucks up and says the magic word has to take the doggo out.”

“It’s after eleven,” Kyungsoo says. “I’ll get mugged.”

“You will not,” Baekhyun says. “Come on. We can walk over Harvard Bridge.”

“That’ll take forever.”

“We can just go halfway and come back.”

Mongryong continues to wag his non-tail. 

“Fine.”

The coat that Baekhyun puts on is once again the cheap one Kyungsoo got him. 

“Do you have something against that Burberry coat?” Kyungsoo asks.

“To be honest, it’s getting tight,” Baekhyun says. “My parents bought it for me when I was sixteen.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

“Speaking of parents,” Baekhyun says. “We should practice being a couple again before we visit yours. You kept freaking out when I touched you at dinner.”

“That’s because your parents kept acting like you were sucking dick in public every time you did.”

Baekhyun’s mouth drops open, and his eyebrows shoot up. It looks a little dumb.

“That was so crass of you,” he says. “I’m in awe.”

Kyungsoo shrugs.

“Never said I wasn’t crass.”

“You hardly ever say anything.”

“Bingo.”

Baekhyun’s face melts into a little grin, and Kyungsoo has an odd moment of looking at it and wondering if there’ll ever be a time when he sees more of that smile than Baekhyun being unhappy. 

Then the smile fades.

“But are you ready to handle it if your parents act like mine?”

“I’m not prepared to handle my parents seeing me acting like I’m,” Kyungsoo pauses. “In love. With anyone. Ever.”

Gross.

“Oh,” Baekhyun says. “Still, if your mom’s the one with the pictures, we’re gonna have to act like…well, like you’ve forgiven me for my transgressions, you know?”

“You’re right.”

“So,” Baekhyun says. “Let’s try holding hands.”

When Kyungsoo nods, Baekhyun tucks his gloved hand around Kyungsoo’s. He takes Mongryong’s leash in his other hand and lets Mongryong lead them out of the apartment.

Holding Baekhyun’s hand doesn’t feel bad. It feels a little bit good, really, which leaves Kyungsoo a little bit worried. Maybe that’s just his response to holding hands with anyone, though—it’s not like he’d know, since he hasn’t done it since he was a little kid. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” He murmurs as they reach the hotel lobby. “What if whoever took those pictures is around? If I’ve got feelings for you, I should be angry right now.”

“It’s eleven at night, and we just got back from dinner with my parents,” Baekhyun says. “He’s probably given up and gone home.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says.

Walking hand in hand means that they often take up the entire width of the sidewalk, especially with Mongryong’s meandering added in. They’re exactly the kind of group Kyungsoo hates when he’s trying to get anywhere on foot, because he always ends up stuck behind them until they get to a spot where he can trample someone’s yard to get past them. 

At least it’s late. There aren’t many people out, and the streets are empty enough that people can step into them to pass if need be. They’re not being that horrible.

“So you wouldn’t marry a girl,” Kyungsoo says. “Even if you’re bi? It could make things easier with your parents.”

“It wouldn’t make things easier,” Baekhyun says. “They might decide they like me again, but I can’t just forget the last few years.”

Kyungsoo sighs and looks ahead. He hadn’t thought about that.

“Besides,” Baekhyun says. “I’m not marrying anyone I’m not in love with.”

There’s no apparent irony to the statement. Kyungsoo looks down at their hands and back up to Baekhyun with raised eyebrows, and Baekhyun looks at him quizzically for a moment before falling into giggles.

“Okay, you got me,” he says. “But you know what I mean. When we’re done with this.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says.

The Harvard Bridge is a mostly flat, undecorated thing. It’s frankly pretty ugly, but the view from it is nice enough, what with the Charles River reflecting lights from Boston and Cambridge’s buildings. It’s a view Kyungsoo sees nearly every day, usually from a bus, but he rarely takes the time to enjoy it.

It’s just a shame that the bridge is so long, because Kyungsoo starts to feel a little creeped out walking almost alone on it at night.

“Why’s it called the Harvard Bridge when it lands right in the middle of MIT?” He asks to divert his mind from paranoia.

“It’s named after John Harvard,” Baekhyun says. “Not the school Harvard.”

“Oh.”

“Tell me you at least know about the smoots.”

“Of course I know about the smoots.”

“Okay, good.”

Baekhyun pauses to look out over the water for a moment. Kyungsoo tries to do the same, but first he looks around the bridge for other people. There’s a man walking well behind them and nobody else. He hopes the man isn’t a mugger. His long coat looks awfully nice for a mugger, anyway.

“Hey,” Baekhyun says, pulling Kyungsoo’s attention back to him. 

“What?”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says.

Down the bridge, the man has stopped to look out over the water, too. His coat is a light color. Could be beige.

“Oh.”

“Why?” 

“Just wondering,” Baekhyun says.

The man behind them is still looking out over the water when Kyungsoo turns to follow him. Kyungsoo wants to look and see if he starts walking again after they do, but he’s afraid looking will tip the guy off, if he really is the one taking pictures. 

In a stroke of genius, he pulls his phone out of his pocket, fumbling with his left hand to open the camera app. He sets it on selfie mode and holds it up so that it can catch what’s going on over his shoulder. 

All it shows is black. So much for that idea.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun asks.

“Is the guy behind us walking again?”

Baekhyun twists his head to look, then whips back around.

“Nope,” he says. “He was taking a picture with a fancy camera just now. It could be for the scenery, though?”

“Junmyeon saw someone in a beige coat with a camera at our apartment,” Kyungsoo says.

“Shit,” Baekhyun whispers. “Okay. Act cool.”

They keep following Mongryong for a moment, but then Baekhyun stops. It takes Kyungsoo an extra moment to notice and stop as well. He and Mongryong both turn around to look at Baekhyun.

Without another word, Baekhyun drops Kyungsoo’s hand and walks closer. He slides the loop of Mongryong’s leash down to his wrist and cups Kyungsoo’s face in his hands, then leans in and plants a kiss on Kyungsoo’s mouth.

Kyungsoo freezes in place, first out of shock and then out of a jumble of very intense, very unhappy emotions. He only locates the will to move when Baekhyun moves a hand to his shoulder and tries to pull him closer.

He takes Baekhyun’s wrists in his hands and moves them off of himself, then turns and walks back the way they came while Baekhyun is still processing what’s going on.

Sure enough, the man in the coat had been pointing a telephoto lens at them. He puts it down and runs when he sees Kyungsoo coming. 

“Kyungsoo, what the hell?” Baekhyun calls after him.

Rushed footsteps and the jingle of Mongryong’s collar come from behind Kyungsoo. He walks faster, shoving his hands into his pockets and wishing he had headphones to block out Baekhyun’s voice. Maybe some kind of horse blinders to block out the sight of the man running away from him, too, because he knows he won’t get any answers if he’s successful in giving chase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are loved! Or come say hi on [tumblr](https://failonade.tumblr.com/)!


	5. Chapter 5

The man with the camera goes to the left down Beacon Street. Kyungsoo looks down the road when he gets there, but by then there’s nobody in sight. It’s a relief, because Kyungsoo doesn’t know what he’d do if he caught up to the guy. 

He walks back to the hotel, where he uses his key card to enter through one of the side entrances. He takes the stairs up to the room and walks in, fuming but not sure what to do. 

He knows Baekhyun is right behind him. His first inclination is to grab his discrete math textbook and catch the bus back across the bridge to campus to hide in a library and study for his last final tomorrow afternoon.

But he’s studied enough for the exam already. The worst thing he could do for his grade now is to lose sleep, even if he’s doing it to study. Trying to sleep in a chair in the library where he can’t be sure he’s not putting his head right where somebody else has put their feet is hardly any better. 

And why? Just to protect his own pride. Is it really less embarrassing to prolong an argument than to admit why he’s upset?

The lock on the door clicks open. Mongryong walks in, followed by Baekhyun. Baekhyun unhooks Mongryong’s leash and hangs it in the closet, but he doesn’t take off his coat. He crosses his arms. His face is pinched.

“Kyungsoo,” he says. “What’s going on? Are you mad?”

“You’re asking me that?” Kyungsoo asks. “Seriously? What made you think it was okay to kiss me without asking?”

“Maybe the part where we’re supposed to be acting happily married?”

“Plenty of married people don’t kiss in public,” Kyungsoo says. “Especially not right after one of them finds out the other has been cheating. And it’s not okay to kiss people without their consent!”

Kyungsoo is too hot, and it’s making it hard to calm down. He takes his coat off and sets it on the table. Baekhyun deflates.

“Okay, fine, I’m sorry,” he says. “Is kissing me really that bad?”

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo says. “It’s hard to tell when I’m upset about having it sprung on me like that.”

He pauses and sighs.

“And anyway, I don’t actually know how kissing works. Doing it in front of people might just make it obvious that we don’t do it in private.” 

“Oh,” Baekhyun says. “Ohhhhhhhhhhh.”

He covers his mouth with his hand. The pointy edges of a smile poke out around it. Kyungsoo starts to bristle, but Baekhyun sidles closer. His eyes flick between Kyungsoo’s and some place just below them.

“Do you want to practice?” He says. “Get more experience? You know, so we can put on a better show?”

That sounds like a terrible idea, at first. It would be a great way to further humiliate himself in front of Baekhyun, for one thing, and make things awkward between them again. On the other hand, Kyungsoo, who generally considers himself a good decision maker, has made it through a full year and a half of college without kissing anyone other than his sort-of-fake-husband. He has evidence that Baekhyun has kissed a lot of people. 

Maybe that’s because, to Kyungsoo, the safest decision is always the best decision. Maybe the decision to kiss someone is never the safest decision to be made in situations that aren’t weddings. 

And if Kyungsoo practices with Baekhyun now, maybe he’ll learn enough to be a decent kisser when he finds someone who really wants to kiss him. Baekhyun already knows an awful lot of embarrassing things about Kyungsoo and his lack of a social life, so adding to the embarrassment with him to avoid humiliation in the future with someone else kind of makes sense.

Kyungsoo comes to a conclusion and nods.

Baekhyun’s jaw drops.

“Wait, seriously?”

Was he bluffing? It’s hard to tell, but somehow backing down now would be even more embarrassing than continuing on.

Kyungsoo quirks an eyebrow at Baekhyun.

“You don’t want to?”

Baekhyun’s eyes flick down again. He bites his lip. He inches closer.

This is ridiculous. If this is how he normally goes about kissing people, it’s a wonder he’s ever kissed anyone. 

Kyungsoo reaches up, braces Baekhyun’s face in his hands, and slowly—so that Baekhyun has time to pull away if he wants to—inches forward and presses his lips to Baekhyun’s.

Or he tries to, anyway. His lips land more at the corner of Baekhyun’s mouth. Baekhyun’s lips twist a little under his, and he snorts. The puff of air from it hits Kyungsoo’s cheek.

He feels his face heating up with a blush, but then Baekhyun turns his head just enough to press his lips properly against Kyungsoo’s. A shiver travels up Kyungsoo’s spine, and he presses his own lips back against Baekhyun’s. It’s soft, a little damp, but he pushes away thoughts of germs. It’s easier to do now, and kissing turns out to be rather pleasant without an audience.

The novelty starts to wear away to panic when he realizes that he doesn’t know what to do next, but then Baekhyun pulls him closer with a hand on his neck and repeats the kiss. Kyungsoo decides to copy whatever Baekhyun does and hope it isn’t obvious. 

Baekhyun sticks to press after press of lips, though. Kyungsoo follows along, eventually calming down enough to enjoy it again, and then to start to wonder when more is going to happen. 

Then Mongryong starts barking. Baekhyun tips to the side a little, breaking the kiss, and Kyungsoo looks down to find Mongryong standing on his hind legs, with his front paws on Baekhyun’s thighs to support himself. 

Baekhyun laughs and crouches down to ruffle the dog’s fur and rub his belly when he rolls over. 

“Are you jealous?” Baekhyun says. “Do you always get jealous when Daddy gets close to people that aren’t you?”

He smirks up at Kyungsoo, still rubbing Mongryong’s tummy. Mongryong looks at Kyungsoo from upside down, and he looks as smug as Baekhyun. 

“See? That’s all you have to do,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo wants to shove him back against the nearest wall and kiss the smirk off his face. He takes a step back.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” he says.

He goes into the bathroom and stares at himself in the mirror, checking to make sure he’s not still blushing. They’re going to have to act close the whole time they’re visiting Kyungsoo’s parents for winter break. It won’t do if Kyungsoo blushes like a virgin the whole time.

He’s still facing the mirror when it occurs to him that he needs to get Baekhyun a Christmas present, so he sees his own eyes shoot wide open. It’s funny, but it’s also very unfunny, because there’s very little time left until Christmas. He grabs his phone and texts Chanyeol.

    What would Baekhyun want for Christmas?

He puts the phone down to get in the shower, but it buzzes before he’s finished turning on the water.

Chanyeol:

    omg u texted me!!

    umm how expensive are we talking?

Kyungsoo starts typing a number, then pauses. How wealthy is Chanyeol? He isn’t sure. He deletes the number and goes for a lower one. He can come up with something more expensive if Chanyeol gives him an idea.

Me:

    Up to a thousand.

He climbs into the shower and thinks while he scrubs himself. He has one thought, but it’s not particularly exciting. When he gets out, though, Chanyeol has texted him again.

Chanyeol:

    shit that’s a lot

    wait I know

    a wii u and all the best games that came out for it this year

    he’s been drooling over mine

Kyungsoo:

    Thanks

Chanyeol:

    np ;)

 

\----------------

 

“Kyungsoo, you’re home!” Kyungsoo’s mother says.

She throws her arms around him and gives him a good squeeze and a kiss on the cheek, which he returns before moving on to his father.

“Baekhyun, it’s so good to see you!” Mother says. “I hope Kyungsoo has been treating you well!”

She opens her arms wide and smiles. Baekhyun hesitates for a moment, but he smiles back and steps into her arms, wrapping his own around her. A proper hug. 

“It’s good to see you,” he says.

He and Kyungsoo’s father share a typical man hug, lasting for only a second or two and keeping their bodies as far apart as they can. As far as Kyungsoo can tell, there’s nothing more awkward about it than the average hug between men.

“So, Baekhyunnie, how much time have you spent in LA?” Mother asks as they crawl down Sepulveda Boulevard. “Is there anything you want to see here?”

“I have a whole list of places!” Baekhyun says. “I want to go to Santa Monica, and I want to see the Hollywood Sign, and the walk of fame.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen. He’s heard none of this. 

“What the hell?” He mouths at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun grins and bats his eyelashes. 

“Well, if you just ask Kyungsoo, he’ll take you!” Mother says. “Right, Kyungsoo?”

“Um, sure,” Kyungsoo says.

“Kyungsoo must drive you nuts, Baekhyun,” Mother says. “He’s so boring!”

“Nah,” Baekhyun says. “I just have to ask him to do things, and he does them. Right, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo smiles and nods, then shoots a glare at Baekhyun when Mother turns back to face the front. He feels like he’s got déjà vu, only they really were just doing this in the back of Baekhyun’s parents’ car. 

The difference is that this is less tense. Kyungsoo had spent the entire flight here preparing himself to face the cold, mean person his mother is around Mihye, not this cheerful, happy person. He doesn’t know what to do with the pile of worry he’d built up in his head all day.

“How is he at home?” Mother asks. “He’s not too grumpy, is he? I know he’s a neat freak.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. 

“No, he’s great!” Baekhyun says. “I’m a neat freak, too. And he cooks well.”

That last bit catches Mother’s attention. She turns around in her seat to look at Kyungsoo and then turns back to face the front. She tilts her head to the side.

“Really?” She says. “Why don’t you eat at the dining hall, Kyungsoo?”

“Well,” Baekhyun says. “Since we go to different schools, we’d never get to eat together if we ate at the dining halls all the time.”

“Plus, you know,” Kyungsoo says. “Weekends. I don’t want to go all the way to campus to eat when I don’t have classes.”

Baekhyun glares at him.

“What the hell?” He mouths.

“See, Baekhyun?” Mother says. “I’m sorry. He can’t be honest about being romantic. He’s just like his father that way.”

Kyungsoo shrugs at Baekhyun.

It’s dinner time in Boston but only midafternoon in California. It’s not bedtime in either place, but the last few weeks have been crazy enough that Kyungsoo finds himself exhausted, now that he’s got a moment to breathe. Shortly after they get home, he excuses himself to take a nap. 

In his bedroom, Kyungsoo stops short and stares for a moment. Something’s just the tiniest bit out of place. They’ve replaced his old queen bed with a king sized one, he realizes after a moment. The night stands are set farther apart to accommodate it.

It’s silly but not all that offensive.

Baekhyun comes in after him and closes the door.

“Are you sure she’s behind the pictures?” He whispers.

Kyungsoo shakes his head.

“She can’t be,” he says. “She would’ve chewed you out in the car.”

“Huh,” Baekhyun says. “Well, congrats. Your mom doesn’t hate you for liking boys.”

He flops onto the bed without taking off his clothes and stares at the ceiling. He’s not frowning, but he’s not smiling.

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says.

“Don’t be,” Baekhyun says. “I’m happy for you. I’m just jealous.”

“She did make me get married in college,” Kyungsoo says. He regrets it as soon as it’s out of his mouth and sighs. “Sorry. That’s still not as bad.”

“Whatever,” Baekhyun says. “You’re right. It’s shitty. Let’s nap.”

 

\----------------

 

The next day, Kyungsoo’s grandmother comes to visit. There’s a flurry of hugs, and then they all sit around tea and sweets while Sara prepares lunch. 

Baekhyun leans against Kyungsoo on the loveseat as soon as they sit down. Kyungsoo sees Mother elbow Grandma and nod at them and tries his best not to grimace. 

It’s more of the same thing from dinner with Baekhyun’s parents at first, with Baekhyun regaling everyone with tales of the fire and Kyungsoo’s first experience with Easy Mac—which Kyungsoo’s family finds just as baffling, but accepts more enthusiastically.

“We’ll have to try it!” Grandma says, and Kyungsoo wonders if he imagined the whimper from the direction of the kitchen.

After a while, Mother sends Kyungsoo to get his own childhood photo albums to show Baekhyun, to Baekhyun’s delight and Kyungsoo’s mortification.

In the library, Kyungsoo goes to the photo albums and stares at them, trying to figure out which ones Mother wanted him to bring. She still has all of her digital photographs printed, and so there are albums for Kyungsoo from birth to university, only recently dwindling in size. They cover almost an entire eight-foot-tall bookcase.

Little kid pictures seem to be the most obvious answer, so Kyungsoo pulls the ladder over and grabs a few from the very top. He climbs carefully back down the ladder with them and pauses when he gets to the bottom. 

There’s a photo mailer tucked between the two most recent albums. Kyungsoo sets his armful of albums on a table and slides the envelope out of the bookcase. It’s stamped for next-day delivery.

Inside he finds a photograph, taken in the dark on Harvard Bridge. It shows Baekhyun kissing Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s face is mostly obscured by Baekhyun’s gloved hands, the angle at which the photograph was taken, and his own hat, so that his shocked expression isn’t visible at all.

Kyungsoo frowns. There are a couple more photos behind it, so he flips to the next and finds a picture taken outside the apartment building the night of the fire. In this one, Kyungsoo is wrapping his scarf around Baekhyun’s neck. The next is of him wrapping Baekhyun in his coat just a few moments later.

He double checks the inside of the envelope, but that’s all there is. Three pictures, all of Kyungsoo and Baekhyun acting like a happy couple. 

Kyungsoo is about to take pictures of the pictures to show Baekhyun when he hears footsteps approaching. He quickly slips the photos back into the envelope and puts it back on the shelf, then grabs his armful of albums.

“What’s taking you so long?” Mother asks.

“I wasn’t sure which ones you meant,” Kyungsoo says. 

Mother laughs.

“Sure you weren’t. You were just trying to put off the embarrassment, weren’t you?” 

Kyungsoo considers calling her out on invading his privacy right there, but he’s not sure it’s worth it. As her child, he’s never had any rights, not even now that he’s legally an adult. He knows that.

And he’s still not sure she’s really the one behind this.

“No, I wasn’t. Are these okay?” He says, hefting the albums.

“Those are fine,” Mother says.

She takes a couple of them from his hands, and they go back to the living room together.

 

\----------------

 

That night, Kyungsoo shows Baekhyun the pictures after his parents have gone to bed.

Baekhyun looks at them and smiles.

“I guess we convinced her that we’ve made up,” he whispers.

Kyungsoo frowns down at them.

“Maybe,” he says.

“What? You don’t think so?”

“My mom’s not that forgiving.”

“Maybe she’s changed,” Baekhyun says. “You said your brother no longer speaks to her, right? So maybe she’s more afraid of losing you than she is of whatever your evil husband might do to you.”

“Hmm,” Kyungsoo says.

“And anyway, what other explanation is there?” Baekhyun says. “Why would someone send you pictures of me cheating on you and then send her pictures of us acting like we’re in love?”

“Okay, but why would she send me the pictures?”

“She wanted you to know I was cheating on you so that you could tell me off,” Baekhyun says. “And now that it looks like you have, she thinks she’s won. I haven’t done anything with anyone since the night of the fire, so she hasn’t gotten any more evidence of my misdeeds.”

It sounds weird, but Kyungsoo can’t honestly come up with a better motive for anyone. He shrugs it off and puts the pictures away.

“It’s still fucking creepy.”

“Definitely,” Baekhyun says. “But at least now I know I don’t have a jealous stalker.”

 

\----------------

 

“Do you need money to get me a present for Christmas?” Kyungsoo asks.

He should’ve asked ages ago. The topic of Baekhyun’s finances has lingered in his mind since the summer, but he’s never felt comfortable asking if his parents had started paying for things again.

Now it’s close enough to Christmas that every store will be packed with more people than Kyungsoo ever wants to see in his life. Ordering online is also a risky choice; if a package arrives now, Mother will judge Baekhyun for waiting so long to order something. 

They’re in the car on the way to Hollywood, bearing tickets to see Star Wars at Mann’s Chinese Theatre courtesy of Grandma, who insisted that going to a famous movie theater is part of visiting Southern California, never mind that Kyungsoo himself has never been to this particular one.

Baekhyun leans to the side in his seat and pulls his wallet from his back pocket. He slides out a card and waves it at Kyungsoo with a tight smile. Kyungsoo looks at it briefly, then back at the road, not sure what he’s saying. It’s clearly got a Visa label on it, but he can’t read more than that while driving.

“My parents gave me this as a ‘wedding gift,’” he says. “I already bought your present.”

“Oh?” Kyungsoo says. “What is it?”

“You think I’m gonna tell you that?”

Baekhyun nudges his shoulder, and Kyungsoo smiles.

“Did you need ideas for me?” Baekhyun asks, leaning forward.

“Nope,” Kyungsoo says.

“Aww,” Baekhyun says. “I was gonna ask for a Wii U.”

“Why not buy yourself one?” Kyungsoo asks. “You’ve got the money.”

If he hasn’t bought it yet, he won’t be swayed by Kyungsoo’s words before Christmas. Hopefully, anyway. 

“I don’t like using it,” Baekhyun says. “It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Oh.”

They park well down the street from the theater—and Madame Tussauds, which Baekhyun insisted is a must-see. The streets are crowded, as is to be expected on a warm, sunny day in the week before Christmas. 

Baekhyun holds out his hand as soon as they’re out of the car.

“Now?” Kyungsoo asks. 

“Why not? It’s working.”

“Do you really think she paid someone to follow us here, too?”

“Better safe than sorry. Come on.”

Baekhyun waggles his hand, and Kyungsoo takes it. There are no gloves between their hands, this time, adding a new layer of…something, anyway. Maybe intimacy, maybe sweat. They’re also both wearing short sleeves, and Baekhyun’s bare arm bumps against Kyungsoo’s as they make their way through the throngs of people. 

But the bigger difference between this and the night on the bridge is that there are people around. This being the heart of Hollywood, two young men holding hands shouldn’t draw much attention. There’s plenty else to look at, when they’re surrounded by gaudy buildings, impersonators, and the stars in the sidewalk. On top of all of that, there are so many people that all Kyungsoo notices about most of them is the relative frequency of the T-shirt, jeans, sneakers pattern. 

And yet, somehow, there are still people who stare. It’s possible he’s reading too much into the glances—with the crowds, he only sees any one person for a moment or two. They probably hardly have time to register that they’re looking at two guys holding hands before they pass on.

But one woman looks for a particularly long time. He glares at her and feels a little twinge of satisfaction when she meets his eyes and visibly startles. 

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” Baekhyun says.

It’s Kyungsoo’s turn to startle, because he didn’t realize Baekhyun was paying attention.

“Did what?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Glared at that tourist,” Baekhyun says. “That wasn’t just your normal face.”

“She was looking at us funny.”

“She was,” Baekhyun says. “She’ll probably go back to Mississippi and tell all her friends about how Hollywood was full of gays.”

He doesn’t seem all that bothered, but Kyungsoo squeezes his hand, anyway.

 

\----------------

 

On Christmas morning, Kyungsoo wakes up to a shriek. He opens his eyes and balks. 

Since the fire and their subsequent move into a hotel room, he’s become accustomed to waking up next to Baekhyun, and occasionally to a bit of Mongryong on his feet. Barring the one time at Sookja’s house, though, Baekhyun has never been in physical contact with Kyungsoo, which leads him to wonder why Baekhyun is on his hands and knees over Kyungsoo’s body right now.

“You got me a Wii?” He asks.

“Huh?” Kyungsoo says. “How did you know that?”

“You did!” Baekhyun says. “I knew it!”

He drops Kyungsoo’s phone onto the nightstand and turns to face Kyungsoo, so that the words puff morning breath right into Kyungsoo’s face. He must’ve crawled over Kyungsoo to grab the phone from the nightstand. Kyungsoo puts his hand on Baekhyun’s face and pushes until he goes back to his own side of the bed.

“The fuck are you looking at my phone for?” Kyungsoo asks.

“It kept buzzing. I thought it was an alarm or something, but it was Chanyeol double texting you.”

Kyungsoo looks at the phone and sees the most recent texts listed on its lock screen.

Chanyeol:

    oh no why are u not texting back did he not like it?

    Im really sorry if he didn’t man I was sure he wanted a wii u

    but like sometimes he’s weird aobut gifts and shit

Kyungsoo smacks his forehead. He unlocks the phone to find the first few messages, which go:

    did he like the Wii?

    he did right?

    I knew he would ;D

Me:

    Dude it’s fucking 7:30a.m. here. He’s going to love the Wii. I know because he saw your text and now he’s breathing his gross morning breath in my face looking all happy.

“Hey!” Baekhyun says.

“Stop reading over my shoulder,” Kyungsoo says.

Chanyeol:

    oh shit

    Im sorry

    I guess that’s why Junmyeons not responding to my texts either

Baekhyun laughs.

“He’s dumb. I bet he spoiled Junmyeon’s present, too, and he’s spent the last hour having a mental breakdown thinking it didn’t impress him because it was too cheap.”

“I told you to stop reading over my shoulder.”

“Does it really bother you that much?” Baekhyun asks. 

He leans into Kyungsoo’s side and props his chin on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and shoves his elbow back into Baekhyun’s gut. Baekhyun shrieks.

Kyungsoo gets out of bed.

“You should get up. Christmas starts when Grandma gets here.”

“We’ve got time,” Baekhyun says. “She’s probably still Skyping my grandma.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “Does she do that every Christmas?”

“Yep.”

“Huh.”

“Thanksgiving, too?”

“Yep. Also lots of other times, but my grandma always Skypes your grandma in the middle of the morning on holidays.”

Kyungsoo smiles. 

“What’s funny about that?”

“I think my holidays have been starting whenever my grandma gets done Skyping your grandma for years,” Kyungsoo says.

It sounds dumb out loud. He shakes his head and goes into the en suite bathroom to brush his teeth. Baekhyun follows him, stretching so that his nightshirt rides up and shows skin. Kyungsoo looks away from the mirror and puts toothpaste on his brush. He squeezes the toothpaste tube so hard that he ends up with a gigantic glob.

“That’s cute,” Baekhyun says, presumably about their grandmas and not about Kyungsoo’s toothpaste mishap.

He squeezes in next to Kyungsoo and leans in front of him to grab his own toothbrush. Kyungsoo scoots over, feeling oddly intruded upon. He hasn’t brushed his teeth next to someone since he moved out of the freshman dorms, and when he did they never shared a sink. Why did he leave the door open?

He rushes through brushing his teeth and scoots back over to spit and rinse his mouth once Baekhyun’s gotten his toothpaste.

Baekhyun freezes halfway through brushing his teeth.

“Oh mry od,” he says around his toothbrush.

“What?” Kyungsoo asks.

Baekhyun takes his toothbrush out of his mouth and opens it like he’s going to talk with a mouthful of toothpaste. Gross. Kyungsoo points at the sink.

“What is it with you and talking with your mouth full? Spit first.”

Baekhyun claps his mouth shut and salutes. Once he’s properly rinsed, he looks back at Kyungsoo. He’s still holding his toothbrush, but at least it’s only dripping water on the floor.

“Our grandmas,” he says. “They’re both lesbians, they’re both single, and they’ve been best friends forever. Do you think they’re in love with each other?”

“They could be,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Oh my god,” Baekhyun says. “Doesn’t that make this weird? Like incestuous or something?” 

He gestures between their chests with his toothbrush. 

“Does it matter?” Kyungsoo asks. 

“We’ve kissed!”

“Oh.”

“Well,” Kyungsoo says. “Anyway, aren’t incest laws mostly about inbreeding? It’s not like we’re genetically related.”

“Still weird, though.”

“We don’t even know if it’s true. Just because they’re both lesbians doesn’t mean they’re in love with each other.”

“Think about it, though! Two women, in love with each other but forced to marry men. They put their love aside to raise families. But times change, and opinions change with them, and one day they find themselves without husbands in a world that doesn’t hate them so much. Only by now they live on opposite ends of a very large country!”

“This sounds like a soap opera.”

“What’s wrong with soap operas?”

“What isn’t wrong with soap operas?”

“They’re fun.”

“Can you go away so I can pee?”

“Okay, fine.”

 

\----------------

 

Before presents in the Do household comes coffee and Grandma’s Christmas coffee cake. Baekhyun is nearly bouncing in his seat the whole time he’s eating his cake. He keeps shooting Kyungsoo sly little grins and mouthing “Wii” when nobody else is looking. He practically inhales his cake, finishing the whole piece before anyone else is even halfway through.

Grandma looks at his empty plate.

“You must’ve been hungry,” she says. “Do you want another piece?”

“No, thank you,” Baekhyun says. “I’m fine. It was just really good, so I ate fast.”

“Oh, there’s no need to be polite! There’s plenty left. Here,” Mother says.

With a conspiratorial glance at Grandma—since when have they been on the same team? Between this and their first day back, Kyungsoo is getting worried—she cuts out another, much larger piece of cake and sets it on Baekhyun’s plate.

Baekhyun just looks at it, face frozen, and Kyungsoo snickers.

“What?” Mother says.

“Nothing,” Kyungsoo says.

As Baekhyun dives in and starts devouring the cake at a rate marginally slower than before, Kyungsoo has an idea. He slows down his own eating, taking smaller bites of cake and tiny sips of coffee.

The result is that he’s still only three quarters of the way through his first slice when Baekhyun finishes his second and sets down his fork. 

He turns in his seat, and it’s obvious he’s looking at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo looks at him, sees him staring at the hunk of cake left on his plate, and slices off a slow, purposeful, tiny forkful. Baekhyun’s eyes track it up to his mouth, and then he meets Kyungsoo’s eyes with the most pitiful expression Kyungsoo has ever seen, eyebrows knitted upward and mouth agape.

Kyungsoo smiles at him.

Around them, forks settle on plates as Mother, then Grandma, then Father all finish their breakfasts. Everyone turns to look at Kyungsoo, who tries not to flinch under the attention. Baekhyun’s face is too funny for him to give up now. 

He takes another slow bite. Baekhyun watches him.

“Kyungsoo, do you not like the cake?” Mother asks. “You never eat so slowly.”

Baekhyun’s open-mouthed half-pout starts to solidify into something more offended.

“No, it’s good,” Kyungsoo says.

He takes another slow bite. Everyone stares. Baekhyun actually does bounce in his seat a little. 

That last bit is what makes Kyungsoo laugh again, and Mother’s eyebrows rise. Grandma smiles a little. Father looks confused.

“You’re so impatient,” Kyungsoo says to Baekhyun.

“You’re a jerk,” Baekhyun says.

“You’re a snoop.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Uh huh.”

Understanding dawns on Mother’s face, and she sits back in her seat with a smile. Only Father still looks confused. Grandma and Mother share an amused smile. That part is getting scary.

“Okay. Fine. I’m sorry I accidentally spoiled your surprise, but it’s spoiled. Stop making me wait!” Baekhyun says.

“If you already know what it is, then you can wait a few more minutes for it.”

Kyungsoo takes another slow bite.

“Jerk,” Baekhyun repeats.

All that’s left on Kyungsoo’s plate is what would be a perfectly reasonable sized bite of cake. He cuts it in half with his fork and watches Baekhyun’s lip pinch up on one side in a petulant little sneer.

Despite his impatience, Baekhyun doesn’t jump out of his seat the second the last bite is gone. He watches Kyungsoo, who looks at Grandma.

“Let’s get to it,” Grandma says.

Baekhyun practically runs to the living room. Kyungsoo follows at a more sedate pace, and Mother takes him aside.

“After all that, you better give him whatever he’s so excited about first,” she whispers.

Kyungsoo smiles and nods. He goes to the tree and picks out nicely wrapped box with a label that says, “To Baekhyun, From Kyungsoo” in curly script that clearly isn’t his own. It’s not the only gift he ordered, but it’s the only one of the right size and weight to be a Wii.

He passes it to Baekhyun, who looks around for permission to start before he opens it.

As Kyungsoo watches Baekhyun rip open the wrapping paper, a chill runs like ice down his spine. Somehow, in all his planning, it hadn’t occurred to him that there’s no reason in his parents’ mind for Baekhyun to be so excited to receive something as cheap as a Wii U. 

It’s too late to take it away and give it to him later. It’s also too late to tell Baekhyun to pretend he’s not excited. At present, he’s holding a Wii U in a box and looking at Kyungsoo with a big, boxy grin.

He leans across the pile of shredded wrapping paper to give Kyungsoo a firm kiss on the cheek, and Kyungsoo smiles despite himself.

“Let us see what it is,” Grandma says.

Baekhyun holds it up, and Kyungsoo holds his breath.

“A…how do you say that?” Grandma asks.

“Wee you,” Baekhyun says.

Grandma and Mother share a befuddled look. 

“What is a Wii U?”

“It’s a gaming console,” Baekhyun says.

“Oh,” Mother says.

She and Grandma shrug at each other. Kyungsoo lets out his breath. He should’ve known they wouldn’t know what it was. 

They move on to everyone else’s gifts without incident. Grandma gifts Baekhyun and Kyungsoo an Amazon Echo to share and tickets to LACMA and a play put on by the Celebration Theatre in Silver Lake. ‘Mother and Father’ give them clothes. Kyungsoo’s gifts from Baekhyun are a few nice sweaters and a pair of earbuds from a brand Kyungsoo has never heard of. 

“Since you spend so much time on the bus,” Baekhyun says. “Those have better sound quality than the ones you’ve been using.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says, a little bit surprised that Baekhyun managed to come up with anything thoughtful to give him at all. “Thank you.”

Baekhyun smiles.

Kyungsoo’s other gift to Baekhyun is a coat. It’s Saint Laurent this time, and camel because Sookja had suggested it as a nice compromise between colorful—“you’re right, black is a little heavy for him”—and versatile enough to wear anywhere. 

Baekhyun looks at the coat and laughs, sharing a look with Kyungsoo.

“What?” Mother says. 

Baekhyun explains the coat situation, and Kyungsoo adds in his mother’s reaction.

“So you bought me this because you were embarrassed about the other one,” Baekhyun says. “I like it, though.”

He slides the new coat out of its box and puts it on as he speaks, and Kyungsoo isn’t sure if he means the cheap coat or this one. He turns to Kyungsoo and holds his arms open.

“Does it fit?” He asks.

“Put your arms down, I can’t tell,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun drops his arms. It does fit, quite well. Combined with his turtleneck sweater, it makes Baekhyun look wholesome and warm. Maybe a little bit like a smart TV detective, except he’s too puppy-like for the role.

“Oh, yes,” Mother says. “It fits. Good choice, Kyungsoo.”

 

\----------------

 

“Baekhyun, are you ready yet?” Kyungsoo asks the bathroom door.

He expects an exasperated ‘no’ in response, but instead the door opens to reveal Baekhyun dressed in a crisp tuxedo, with the jacket open and his bow tie hanging open around his neck.

“Help,” he says.

“With what?”

“I don’t know how to tie a bow tie.”

Kyungsoo walks up to him and takes the two ends of the tie in his hands. He tries to think of how to tie it, but the perspective is all wrong. It’s like trying to do something in a mirror. He knows exactly how to tie a bow tie, but only when it’s on him. 

He gives up and scoots around behind Baekhyun and reaches for the tie again. It’s harder to see with Baekhyun’s neck in the way, but the muscle memory works better.

“My, my,” Baekhyun says. “I didn’t know you wanted to get behind me so much.”

“Don’t make this gross.”

Kyungsoo slaps Baekhyun’s arm lightly. Then he looks at his hands and realizes he’s lost his place. He sighs and undoes his work to start over.

“How do you not know how to do this, anyway?” He asks.

“How do you know I’m not faking it to put off going to this party?”

“You don’t want to go?”

“Of course not,” Baekhyun says. “Hanging around with old people in a stiff tux on New Year’s Eve is not my idea of a good time on a good day, and these particular old people all think I’ve been cheating on you.”

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says. 

He finishes tying the tie and steps back. He might hate it, but Baekhyun does look good in a tux. Maybe more cute than suave even with his hair slicked back, but every doting mother at the party will be thrilled.

“It’s not your fault,” Baekhyun says. “I made a choice. And then a bunch of other choices. Some were kinda dumb.”

He looks at Kyungsoo out of the corner of his eye and smiles.

“Hey, are we going to kiss at midnight?”

“Is that a thing?” Kyungsoo asks.

His stomach curdles a little. He’s been doing his best not to think about kissing Baekhyun since their last kiss. Every time he has, he’s wanted to do it again, and he’s a little bit worried about that. Experimenting with Baekhyun was one kind of risk, but developing any kind of feelings for him is another. 

Baekhyun’s mouth drops open.

“How do you not know that’s a thing? Of course it’s a thing!”

“Why?”

“It’s good luck for your relationship in the new year!”

“I’m not superstitious.”

Baekhyun pouts at him.

“Does it matter? It’s something couples do, and it’s absolutely something I’d talk you into doing if we were a couple, so it’s something we should do.”

“Okay, fine,” Kyungsoo says.

Father and Grandma are waiting for them at the door when they finally head downstairs, but Mother is still getting ready.

“Oh, don’t you just look dashing,” Grandma says, immediately coming forward to look Baekhyun up and down and pat his shoulders. In his place, Kyungsoo would be counting down the time until he could back away, but Baekhyun’s eyes are twinkling. 

“You know, maybe it would be for the best if the boys took a separate car,” Grandma says. “They might not want to leave at the same time as us old people.”

Father frowns.

“If you leave early, your mother will be furious,” he says to Kyungsoo.

This is not at all fair. Of course Kyungsoo knows that his mother would be furious if he left early; it’s why he’d never dream of suggesting it in the first place.

“It’s fine, we’ll just go with you,” Kyungsoo says.

“No, you should take your own car,” Grandma says. “Don’t worry about it.”

“But I don’t want to,” Kyungsoo says.

Grandma throws a glance at the stairs, then leans forward.

“Kyungsoo, Youngsoo,” she hisses. “I was trying to be covert about this, but Mihye is due to have that baby any day now, and if I am stuck at this party when it happens, _I_ will be furious.”

“Why not just take your own car?” Father asks.

“Because I made a vow after my final pregnancy that I would never again remain sober for the duration of one of these events.”

Father chokes. 

“What?” Grandma says. “You’re getting off easy, Youngsoo. If Kyungsoo were old enough to drink, I’d be making you the designated driver.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says. “We’ll go separately.”

“Good,” Grandma says. “Go quickly, before your mother gets down here.”

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun hustle off to his car, climbing inside and slamming the doors shut in their haste to escape quickly.

“Wow,” Baekhyun says. “That was almost scary. She always seems so nice.”

“She’s rarely nice when my mother is involved,” Kyungsoo says.

“Really?” Baekhyun says. “I thought they were getting along really well.”

“That’s new,” Kyungsoo says. “I haven’t seen them act that friendly with each other in years.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says. “You didn’t say Mihye’s baby was due soon.”

“I didn’t know.”

Kyungsoo counts back the months to June and realizes that it’s been six already. It’s been less than that since his own wedding. He looks at Baekhyun in the passenger seat and considers that they’re not even six months through their own three year plan. They’ve got two and a half more years of this. 

Maybe that’s not so bad.

“You don’t talk to your brother?”

“Nope,” Kyungsoo says. “Seungsoo never calls me.”

“What about on Facebook?”

“If he makes posts about the baby, he’s filtering me out of them.”

“Doesn’t that bother you?”

“No. He doesn’t want Mother to know anything.”

“You must not be close.”

“Not really,” Kyungsoo says. “He’s ten years older than me. He’s hardly lived at home since I was ten.”

“Baekbeom is seven years older than me, but we get along well.”

Kyungsoo shrugs. 

“We don’t not get along,” he says. “We’re just not close.” 

 

\----------------

 

The venue for the Kim family’s annual New Year’s Eve fundraiser is built in the white stucco style popular in coastal southern California, complete with red roof and little archways everywhere. Kyungsoo has been there once a year for at least a decade, but this is the first time he’s had to drive himself. 

Once they’ve handed off the car to the valet, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun stand awkwardly for a moment. Kyungsoo offers his arm like he had at the wedding, but this time Baekhyun curls his lip.

“I was the girl last time we did that,” he says. “It’s your turn.”

Kyungsoo shrugs and takes Baekhyun’s arm when he offers it. The important thing is to present a united front. 

They walk through the first set of doors, give their names to the staff member marking off attendees, then follow her directions through the courtyard to the banquet hall, like Kyungsoo didn’t already know where to go.

“This never looked half as ridiculous as it feels,” Kyungsoo mutters, jostling Baekhyun’s arm to demonstrate what he means.

“Yeah, it’s really weird.”

“I feel like we’re walking into a haunted house and I’m the scared one.”

“I bet you are scared in haunted houses.”

“I am not.”

“We’re gonna find out,” Baekhyun says. “I’m taking you to a haunted house next year for Halloween. It’s official.”

“I’m divorcing you,” Kyungsoo says.

“Uh huh.”

Junmyeon’s mother is quick to greet them, all smiles and graciousness. 

“Your parents aren’t with you, Kyungsoo?” She asks.

“We came separately.” Kyungsoo says.

“They’ll be here soon,” Baekhyun adds.

Junmyeon’s mother gives a slow nod. She rests her hand on Kyungsoo’s arm. Kyungsoo tries not to flinch away.

“I see. Well, I’m so glad the two of you could make it,” she says. “You know, I told your mother that she can’t expect her son to come home for more than a week at a time once he’s married. But she says you’re staying for three weeks?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says.

“What a good son you are! Your mother is so lucky. Maybe next year we can convince the Byun family to come out for the New Year, wouldn’t that be nice?”

She winks at Baekhyun, who smiles and nods at her. Kyungsoo suddenly remembers that this woman is the only person he knows to be spreading rumors about Baekhyun’s infidelity.

“I’ll tell them how warm it is here,” Baekhyun says. “They’ll definitely come.”

“I’m counting on you,” she says, patting his cheek. “Junmyeon is over by the bar, by the way. You should go say hi.”

Kyungsoo thanks her and tries not to run toward the bar, where they do indeed find Junmyeon.

“Ugh, fuck him,” Baekhyun mutters. “He doesn’t look ridiculous in a tux.”

“You look good in a tux.”

“Oh?” Baekhyun says.

His lips press out into a narrow smile again, and he straightens his posture. Kyungsoo tries not to laugh and definitely avoids calling him cute. Nobody wants to be cute in a tuxedo.

“You two!” Junmyeon says. He looks at their arms and bursts into laughter, catching himself on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“Shut up,” Baekhyun mutters. “They didn’t teach us snobby party etiquette for gay couples.”

“Gay people are a breach of snobby party etiquette just by virtue of existing,” Kyungsoo says.

“Speaking of being gay at a hetero party,” Junmyeon says. “Everyone’s dying to know how you guys are doing.”

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo mouths.

Junmyeon pats his shoulder in sympathy.

“Yep, it’s gonna suck,” he says. “Baekhyun, I’m guessing Kyungsoo didn’t tell you that the bartenders don’t actually card at this party. Just try not to advertise to anyone that you’re drinking.”

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo and bites his lip.

“Go ahead,” Kyungsoo says. “I am not drinking in front of these people.”

Baekhyun snorts.

“It sounds like there’s a story there,” Junmyeon says.

“He pontificates when he’s tipsy,” Baekhyun says in a stage whisper. 

“Oh.”

“Also confesses to things like liking redheads.”

Kyungsoo puts his face in his hand and groans. Baekhyun and Junmyeon both laugh. 

“It’s a shame you didn’t get Chanyeol to come,” Baekhyun says. “Then this could almost be fun.”

“Sorry,” Junmyeon says. “It’s a little soon to be introducing him to my parents. We’ve only been together a few months.”

“I see,” Baekhyun says. “Yeah, I’m gonna get a drink.”

“So,” Junmyeon says after he’s left. “Having a good break?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. “You?”

“Yeah, me too.”

They fall silent until Baekhyun returns with two glasses of what looks like Coke. He makes to hand one to Kyungsoo but freezes.

“I forgot which was which,” he says. “Let me check.”

He takes a sip of the one he’d been about to hand Kyungsoo and nods, holding it out again.

“Yep, this one’s yours.”

Kyungsoo looks at it, unmoving.

“What?”

“Um.”

“Oh my god, are you going to make a fuss about me drinking out of your glass? We’ve kissed.”

Kyungsoo sighs and takes the glass, turning it so that the side Baekhyun had sipped from is facing away from him.

“Gross is gross,” he says. “And it’s been like two weeks. That’s enough time for one of us to get sick.”

Junmyeon’s jaw drops.

“You’ve—“ he says. “You’re not talking about the wedding, are you? That was months ago.”

“It was just for show,” Kyungsoo says.

“Oh my lord,” Junmyeon says. “I’m surprised you’re still alive, Baekhyun.”

“He’s all bark and no bite,” Baekhyun says.

He pats Kyungsoo on the shoulder. Kyungsoo is about to shake his hand off when he sees one of his mother’s friends approaching on the arm of her husband. 

Having just taken that position himself, Kyungsoo can’t help but focus in on it. It looks stifling even with a heterosexual couple, now that he’s looking. Maybe more so because they can’t trade roles. Mrs. Song is forever stuck holding lightly onto Mr. Song’s arm at these parties while Mr. Song plays the gentleman role, and never the other way around.

“Hello, Junmyeon,” Mrs. Song says. “Hello, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun. It’s so good to see the two of you here.”

“Hello, Mrs. Song,” Kyungsoo says. “Hello, Mr. Song.”

“How are you two doing?” Mrs. Song says. “It must be hard to balance married life and college.”

“It’s not,” Kyungsoo says.

Why on earth would it be hard to balance married life and college? 

Baekhyun giggles a little.

“No, Kyungsoo makes my life easier,” Baekhyun says. “To be honest, I’ve always driven my roommates nuts. It’s way easier to calm him down than a normal roommate.”

He wiggles his eyebrows and strokes Kyungsoo’s arm as he speaks. Kyungsoo stares at him. On what planet is Kyungsoo easy to calm down?

Mrs. Song’s eyes fix on Baekhyun’s hand. Kyungsoo looks down at it.

“Oh,” she says. “I see. Um. Well, it’s been good to see you two. Is your mother here, Kyungsoo? I haven’t seen her.”

“She’s coming,” Kyungsoo says. He waits for her to leave and turns to Baekhyun. “Did you just imply that you offer me sexual favors when you piss me off? To one of my mother’s friends?”

“She’s the one who implied we’re too busy fucking to go to class,” Baekhyun says. “I was just fighting fire with fire.”

Kyungsoo sneaks a glance at his watch, then puts his head in his free hand and groans. It’s only nine o’clock; they’re stuck at this party until after midnight. 

“Kyungsoo, Baekhyun,” Mother says. “There you are! Oh, hello Junmyeon! How have you been?”

Kyungsoo straightens. Father is with her, but Grandma seems to have found an excuse to ditch them already. 

“Kyungsoo,” Mother says. “Try not to look like you’d rather be anywhere other than here, will you? Baekhyun, how do you put up with him?”

Kyungsoo struggles not to frown, and Baekhyun laughs and strokes Kyungsoo’s arm again.

“I’m told I do enough talking for five people,” Baekhyun says. “So I guess he balances me out.”

“That’s a good way to look at it,” Mother says.

The Nakamotos stop by to chat with Father, and Kyungsoo knows a chance to run when he sees one. Mrs. Nakamoto only talks business, and her husband isn’t talkative at all. They won’t mind Kyungsoo and Baekhyun taking their leave.

Kyungsoo waits until the greetings are over and then ducks off, pulling Baekhyun with him. 

“Thank fuck,” Baekhyun whispers. “Is there somewhere we can hide before anyone else asks about our sex life?”

The courtyard is always empty except for people coming and going at this event, because winter nights in California are always chilly, regardless of the temperature during the day. It’s quiet, too, in between people opening and closing the doors to the banquet hall. Kyungsoo has long had a preferred spot on a wall behind a hedge in the courtyard for when he’s fed up with the crowds. He leads Baekhyun to it and sits down with a sigh.

“How long can we hide here?” Baekhyun says.

“An hour,” Kyungsoo says. “After that are speeches and an auction, though. We don’t have to talk to anyone during those.”

“Oh, good,” Baekhyun says.

He sits close to Kyungsoo on the wall and rests a hand on his thigh.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Acting intimate,” Baekhyun says. “Convinces everyone we’re into each other and keeps them from coming near us at the same time. Two birds with one stone.”

“Oh.”

Kyungsoo tries his best not to squirm away, but the contact fills him with a rush of nervous hyperawareness. It’s like standing in front of a crowd, only it’s not exactly a terrible feeling. It might even be good if it weren’t so stressful. He doesn’t need to be feeling like this about someone he’s stuck living with for the next two and a half years, especially not when that someone likes someone else.

“I was thinking,” he says. “What about that girl you like? Taeyeon?”

“What about her?” 

“If you want to date her, won’t she be put off by us acting like a couple all the time?”

Baekhyun purses his lips and looks down.

“Yeah, probably,” he says. “I guess it comes with the territory, though. I probably just shouldn’t date anyone until we graduate.”

“That’s a long time,” Kyungsoo says.

“Well, what about you?” Baekhyun says. “Do you have your eye on anyone?” 

“Me?” Kyungsoo says. “No.”

“Aww, but if you did maybe we could set up double dates.”

“Sorry.”

“Really, nobody?” 

Baekhyun leans forward and asks it with a smile and raised eyebrows. He taps his fingers on Kyungsoo’s thigh, and Kyungsoo wonders if he’s been caught. He looks away from Baekhyun’s face, because otherwise he’s going to look at Baekhyun’s lips.

“Nope,” he says. 

The smile falls off Baekhyun’s face.

“Fine, don’t trust me with your secrets,” he says.

Kyungsoo shrugs.

“Don’t have any.”

The voices of a few guests arriving late come into the courtyard, and Kyungsoo tries to think of a less incriminating topic of conversation while laughter echoes off the cement and stucco. He ends up falling silent until they’ve opened the door to the banquet hall and disappeared inside.

“Wow, this looks like it’s about to get inappropriate,” Junmyeon says.

“Oh, gross, why are you here?” Baekhyun says.

His hand drops from Kyungsoo’s thigh. He curls it on the wall instead.

“The party is boring, so I decided to look for you two,” Junmyeon says. “It was more fun before everyone our age found an excuse not to come. Even Victoria got out of it, this time.”

“I don’t blame them,” Kyungsoo says.

“One day you, too, will escape this obligation, Kyungsoo,” Junmyeon says. “Then it’ll just be me alone with the old people and the kids that are too young to escape.”

Kyungsoo’s phone buzzes. He slips it out of his pocket and nearly drops it when he sees the message on the screen.

“Looks like today is the day,” he says. 

“What?”

“Mihye’s in labor. I have to take Grandma to the hospital.”

“Fuck you.”

Kyungsoo snorts. He texts Grandma to meet them out front. 

He and Baekhyun are just standing up to leave when the sound of dozens of conversations in the banquet hall suddenly spills outside as the door opens once again. The sound of footsteps comes out of it, one set of the solid, soft sound of men’s dress shoes and one of harsh high heels. The noise from inside cuts off as the door closes again.

“Youngsoo, you will not walk out that door,” Mother says, her voice echoing off the concrete. 

“You’re going to make me choose between my son and my wife, aren’t you?” Father says.

Kyungsoo stands frozen, afraid to breathe. The footsteps stop. Mother doesn’t speak.

“Jesus, Kyunghee. Mihye isn’t going anywhere. You’ve already lost this battle. You only stand to lose your dignity and your son if you keep fighting it.”

The sound of Father’s footsteps marches off to the exit and out.

Kyungsoo can see Baekhyun and Junmyeon staring at him out of the corner of his eye, but he can’t move for a second. High heels echo around the courtyard. He looks around and tries to figure out the best way to escape without being seen. 

Baekhyun gestures toward a walkway partially hidden by a row of stucco arches and starts to creep toward it. Kyungsoo follows, abandoning his soda on the wall, and Junmyeon comes behind them. They hug the wall until they come to a door. Baekhyun reaches to try it and does a silent fist pump when it opens silently. 

They sneak inside, Junmyeon closing the door carefully behind them. It clacks as it closes. Junmyeon gestures at the exit.

“You guys go that way,” he says. “I’ll go back inside.”

He points at the door to the courtyard in the process. It’s glass, and through it Kyungsoo can see his mother sitting hunched on the edge of the fountain in her evening gown, contemplating what looks to be a valet ticket. 

They find Father and Grandma waiting outside. Father’s face is set in hard lines, while Grandma bounces in place.

“There you are,” Grandma says.

When the valet comes, Kyungsoo offers his father the keys. Father shakes his head and climbs into the back of the car. 

The hospital is nearly forty minutes away from the event hall. Kyungsoo sticks to the speed limit, feeling strange to be driving with Father in the car. 

“Can’t you go a little faster?” Grandma says.

“Mom, she’s probably going to be in labor for hours,” Father says. “There’s no rush.”

“You never know,” Grandma says. “Sookja was only in labor with Baekhyun’s father for three hours! She’s never forgiven me for missing the birth.”

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo and raises an eyebrow, but Kyungsoo is too frustrated to enjoy speculating on his grandma’s romances. If he’d known it could take hours, he’d have preferred to stay at the party rather than risk attracting his mother’s anger.

They attract some attention in the hospital, the three men in tuxedos and a grandma in a shimmering gold evening gown speed walking through the corridors. They’re not the only people dressed for a party, but they’re the best dressed of the people who are.

A middle-aged woman wearing a bulky cardigan over a long black dress stares at them from the guest chair in the hospital room Seungsoo had said they were in. Kyungsoo wonders if they’re in the wrong place, but then he sees Mihye on the hospital bed. 

Upon squeezing into the room behind Father, Grandma, and Baekhyun, he sees Seungsoo on the other side of the bed, looking shocked.

“Father,” he says. 

“Don’t look so surprised,” Father says. “You think I’d miss my grandson being born? Hello, Jenny. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“It has,” the woman in the chair says.

She gets up to hug Father and Grandma, and Kyungsoo tries to remember if he’s met her. She must be Mihye’s mother.

“Hello, Kyungsoo,” she says. “I haven’t seen you since those two graduated.”

She gestures at Mihye and Seungsoo, and Kyungsoo remembers the awkward day Seungsoo received his bachelor’s degree and tried to set up a joint family dinner with Mihye. Mihye’s side had only been her mother then as well. 

Kyungsoo had been twelve years old at the time.

“Hi,” he says. “Um, this is Baekhyun, by the way. He’s my husband.”

Jenny smiles and shakes Baekhyun’s hand, and Baekhyun smiles back at her, and Kyungsoo is left wondering if he’s the only one who still feels weird about referring to Baekhyun as his husband.

There’s not enough room in the hospital room for everyone, so Kyungsoo and Baekhyun go on a mission to a nearby twenty-four hour coffee shop. Once they’ve delivered drinks to everyone, they find seats at the end of the hall outside the maternity ward by a window, where they sit and look at the lights of Orange County’s low-built sprawl.

It’s still eleven.

“Do you have a New Year’s resolution?” Baekhyun asks.

“Nope,” Kyungsoo says. “You?”

“I’m gonna study harder,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo smiles.

“Are your grades bad?”

“Not so bad this year,” Baekhyun says. “But last year I almost lost my scholarship.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “Hey, how did you get a scholarship if you had to repeat a year of high school?”

“I went to BC High before my parents kicked me out,” Baekhyun says. “My music teacher there found out what happened from Chanyeol and Yixing and pulled some strings.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. He helped me get into some better programs, too, but I couldn’t afford them.”

“Oh.”

“Let me guess, you always get A’s?”

“I’ve had B’s,” Kyungsoo says. “I’m not that worried about it.”

“I guess a degree in computer science from MIT is a degree in computer science from MIT,” Baekhyun says.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says.

A moment later, he finally thinks of something to add. 

“I don’t need to be the best,” he says. “I don’t care if I’m rich. I just want to live my life.”

“What kind of life do you want to live?” Baekhyun asks.

Kyungsoo keeps looking out the window.

“A quiet one,” he says. “Without these big parties, without people telling me how to act, or what I should want, or prying into my personal life.”

“Do you want kids?” 

“I don’t know. Do you?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “I love kids.”

Kyungsoo looks at him. He’s smiling a little bit, first out the window and then at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo wants to kiss him.

“You seem like the type,” Kyungsoo says.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” Kyungsoo says. “You’re friendly.”

“True,” Baekhyun says. He falls silent for a little while, then perks up and says, “Hey, you know what?”

“What?”

“I’m sure we’ll both be better parents than our parents.”

Kyungsoo smiles, but it’s thin.

“Yeah, we will.”

“Sorry, are you worried?” Baekhyun says.

“I’ve never seen my father disagree with my mother like that,” Kyungsoo says. “Ever.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says. “Is she going to be mad when we get home?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun sighs.

“And this is all because she thinks Mihye wants your brother’s money?”

“Yeah. My mother's parents divorced when she was in junior high school,” Kyungsoo says. “Apparently her mother married her father for his money. After a while, she started treating him horribly and waited for him to cheat, and then divorced him. Mother says she was bullied after that, and she and her father were never invited to parties anymore.” 

“And what she took away from that is that poor people are evil?”

“Apparently.”

“That’s a little nuts.”

“Yep.”

Baekhyun leans to the side and rests his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. 

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks.

“It doesn’t make you feel better?” Baekhyun says. “I always feel better when people touch me.”

“You sure you’re not just using me to take a nap?”

In truth, it does make Kyungsoo feel better. A little bit less alone in the world. A little bit trusted. A little bit happy that Baekhyun seems to like him as a person, if not as something else.

“I’m not taking a nap,” Baekhyun says. “It’s almost midnight.”

“Right,” Kyungsoo says. “What do you want to do with your life?”

“Me?” Baekhyun says. “I wanna be a rock star.”

“Really?”

“Well, maybe,” Baekhyun says. “I’m not sure. I might want to teach music.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Should we go check on the status of the baby?”

Kyungsoo nods. They stand up, and Baekhyun wraps an arm around his waist and walks with him like that back to the maternity ward. Inside, Jenny, Father, and Grandma are standing in the waiting room, watching the countdown in Times Square on the TV with other visitors. 

Grandma spots Kyungsoo and Baekhyun and waves them over. Her eyes linger on Baekhyun’s hand on Kyungsoo’s waist, but everyone else is too busy looking at the TV to notice them.

“They moved Mihye to a delivery room!” She says.

That doesn’t mean much to Kyungsoo, whose confusion must show on his face.

“It means the baby will be born soon.”

“Oh.”

When the TV reaches the final countdown, everyone in the room chants along with it. As they get to two, Kyungsoo turns to face Baekhyun. Baekhyun smiles and quirks his eyebrows. At one, Kyungsoo leans up and kisses him. 

All around them, people call out “happy new year!” and cheer. Kyungsoo counts one breath, then another, then pulls away from Baekhyun’s mouth. He stares awkwardly at Baekhyun’s face for a moment because he doesn’t want to know if people are staring at them. Baekhyun grins and hugs him, so Kyungsoo hugs back. 

Then Baekhyun is letting go, and Kyungsoo finds himself being hugged by Grandma, and then Jenny, and then Father, and then someone in a white coat who looks about Seungsoo’s age, and an older lady holding balloons.

People are just returning to their seats when a brief bit of lullaby plays out over the speakers. Someone shouts, “First baby of the year!”

The crowd of people applauds again. Kyungsoo claps along, but he doesn’t feel the excitement. He’s too busy feeling sad that the kiss was so short, and at the same time guilty for enjoying it. It’s not fair to Baekhyun, somehow.

Eventually a nurse or a doctor or a midwife—all Kyungsoo can tell is that it’s someone in scrubs—appears and calls for the Do and Jo family. They’re shuffled into a room, where Mihye lies in a bed, looking exhausted, with a tiny baby on her chest. Seungsoo is touching the baby’s tiny hand. His eyes are glittering suspiciously.

Grandma and Jenny make a huge fuss and take a bunch of pictures, and Kyungsoo is pretty sure he sees some glittering on Father’s cheeks, too. Someone nudges Kyungsoo and Baekhyun forward at one point to look at the baby, which looks, honestly, ugly and unhappy and not much like a person but is somehow amazing nonetheless. 

Baekhyun coos at it and nudges its hand with a finger, smiling at it with the biggest smile Kyungsoo has ever seen, and Mihye smiles at him and puts up with it for a bit. She looks like she wants to sleep, though, so Kyungsoo elbows Baekhyun after a couple minutes.

“We should let them get some rest,” he says.

Baekhyun backs off, and Kyungsoo sees Seungsoo let out a sigh of relief.

“You two should stop by before you go back to school,” Seungsoo says.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says.

Grandma gives the baby a last little wave, and they leave.

As they walk toward the car, Father’s smile fades, and then Grandma’s does. 

“Baekhyun, Kyungsoo,” Grandma says. “I think you two should stay with me tonight.”

Kyungsoo nods.

“What will we do about cars?”

“I’ll take a cab home,” Father says. 

“We’re wearing tuxes,” Baekhyun says.

“Pajamas are on me,” Grandma says. “I’m the one who stirred the pot tonight.”

“It’s after midnight,” Kyungsoo says.

“CVS will have something.”

Grandma heads to bed as soon as they get home, but the caffeine and stress are still rushing through Kyungsoo’s veins. He changes into his T-shirt and sweatpants from CVS and sits on the bed with a blanket around his shoulders while Baekhyun brushes his teeth.

“Not ready to sleep yet?” Baekhyun asks when he comes in from the bathroom. His hair is a little messy but still styled back off his forehead. It doesn’t go with the Long Beach souvenir T-shirt and sweats he’s wearing.

He climbs under the covers and tugs the edge of Kyungsoo’s blanket. Kyungsoo lets go of it so that he can wrap one side around himself. Then he scoots down and rests his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, because if they’re already going to be huddling under a blanket together, why not? 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Baekhyun asks.

Kyungsoo shakes his head.

“Okay,” Baekhyun says.

He rubs Kyungsoo’s shoulder with one hand and browses the internet on his phone with the other while Kyungsoo stares off into space and wonders what’s going to happen with his parents.

Sometime later he wakes up feeling almost stiflingly warm. The lights are off, and he’s made it down to fully horizontal on the bed. Baekhyun’s throat is right in front of his face, and there’s an arm over his side. Kyungsoo lets himself drift back to sleep.

In the morning (he checks his clock, and it is technically morning) he wakes up alone in bed. When he makes it downstairs, he finds Baekhyun watching an episode of what looks to be a subtitled Korean period drama with Grandma on the couch. Grandma’s cat, Sparky, has apparently adjusted enough to Baekhyun to risk sitting in Grandma’s lap in his presence.

Kyungsoo opens the pantry to look for food, but his stomach rolls when he thinks about actually eating the oatmeal that he finds. He closes the pantry and pours himself a cup of coffee, which he carries over to the living room. He goes to sit in the chair, but then he remembers they’re putting on a show and sits gingerly next to Baekhyun, who wraps an arm around his shoulders and smiles at him. 

On the screen, a person who appears to be a girl dressed as a male scholar is having a panic attack about something. Baekhyun and Grandma both laugh. They sit through an episode and a half, and Kyungsoo gradually gathers that it is a girl pretending to be a boy and that a lot of people aren’t happy about it. Her mother seems to be the most unhappy. 

Of course, it appears that her mother will be executed along with her daughter if anyone catches her, so she’s got a much better excuse for trying to control her child than Kyungsoo’s mother.

Grandma insists upon feeding them lunch before they go. She gets up as soon as the ending theme starts to play for the second time and starts pulling sandwich fixings out of the refrigerator. 

The cottage is so small that Kyungsoo and Baekhyun don’t have to move from the couch in order to keep her company while she cuts up vegetables. Even though being in Long Beach means this cottage probably cost several times what Sookja’s house in Worcester did, it puts Kyungsoo more in mind of that house—and lifestyle—than his parents’.

The contrast starts to register in his mind in a way it hasn’t before.

“Grandma, why don’t you have a cook?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Because I like my privacy,” Grandma says. “Why are you asking that now?”

“Just wondering.”

“Are you thinking about your mother and Mihye?” Grandma asks.

She’s slicing a tomato, and she doesn’t turn to face Kyungsoo as she says it. Kyungsoo frowns, because he was, but he then again he wasn’t. He was thinking about his father and Sookja, too, and choices that people make or don’t make. 

“I guess,” Kyungsoo says. “I didn’t know Father disagreed with Mother.”

“There are disagreements in any marriage, Kyungsoo,” Grandma says. 

“But Mother,” Kyungsoo says. “She’s awful. I don’t understand why he’s stayed with her all this time.”

Grandma puts her knife down with a clunk and turns to face him.

“Don’t you ever say that about your mother, Kyungsoo. She only wants what’s best for you and Seungsoo. She cares about you and your brother more than anything else in this world.”

Kyungsoo leans forward and stares at her, hardly noticing that Baekhyun’s arm falls from his back when he does. Why is she defending his mother? Have things changed that much, or has Kyungsoo misunderstood her all these years?

“Grandma, she’s having Baekhyun and me followed by a private investigator,” Kyungsoo says, looking away.

“She is?” Grandma says. “How do you know?”

“I found pictures,” Kyungsoo says. “Some guy with a camera followed us when we took Mongryong on a walk together, and he was there the night our apartment burned down.”

“And you’re sure it was her?”

“Why else would she have the pictures? They’re in the library at home.”

Grandma sighs and casts an apologetic look at Baekhyun.

“She’s probably just making sure you and Baekhyun are getting along okay,” she says. “Sorry, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun shrugs. 

“If she wanted to make sure, she could do what any normal mother would do and call me,” Kyungsoo says.

“You know what her childhood was like, Kyungsoo,” Grandma says. “She learned not to trust people at a young age, and she worries about you because you’re so straightforward. It wouldn’t occur to you that your romantic partners might have ulterior motives, so she thinks she needs to be the one to make sure they don’t.”

“So I should just put up with her invading our privacy to make her feel better?”

“You should try to understand her,” Grandma says. “She’s doing her best. She doesn’t have any blood relatives left except you and Seungsoo, and she’s backed herself into a corner with Seungsoo. That just leaves you. You don’t know how scary that is.”

“If it’s that scary, then she should be nicer to people!”

“What exactly has she done to you that’s so bad? Had some pictures taken of you in public spaces? You’re living a perfectly comfortable life, you’ve got a nice husband, and you’ll never be poor. She and your father aren’t even asking you to take over his business. You should be thankful for all that she’s done for you all these years.”

Kyungsoo stares at her for a long moment, then gets up and walks out of the house. He has his keys and his phone in his pocket; he doesn’t need anything else. 

Except of course he can’t leave without Baekhyun. He sits in the passenger seat of the car to wait, staring blankly down the sidewalk while his heart races.

It only takes a few minutes for Baekhyun to come out.

“You’re not coming back inside, are you?” Baekhyun asks.

Kyungsoo shakes his head. Baekhyun leans forward and takes the keys out of his hand. 

“I’ll drive,” he says. “Do you want to go home?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says. “But I want to change my clothes and shower, so yeah.”

All of his parents’ cars are in the garage when they make it home, but neither of them is in the living room when they walk in. Kyungsoo goes straight to his room, breathing a sigh of relief when he and Baekhyun make it in and close the door without coming across either parent. 

They both shower, and then they sit awkwardly. Baekhyun must be bored, but Kyungsoo doesn’t want to suggest playing a video game, nor does he want to unload his feelings on Baekhyun.

“You can take my car if you want to go somewhere,” he says.

“You don’t want to go anywhere? Get out of here for a bit?”

“I do,” Kyungsoo says. “But I don’t want to be around people. I’ll probably just go to the nature preserve.”

“Hmm,” Baekhyun says. “Do you like to sing?”

Kyungsoo nods.

“Then let’s go to karaoke,” Baekhyun says. “There’s a Korean place near here. Best place to go when you need to let out some feelings in a semi-private space.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

It’s not something he would’ve thought of himself, but it actually sounds pleasant.

On the way out the door, they come across Mother reading a book in the living room. A hot ball of anger knots up Kyungsoo’s stomach. Mother opens her mouth, and Kyungsoo braces himself for a fight he’s not ready to have.

“Did you see the baby?” Mother asks.

Her voice is too quiet to be normal, but it’s not angry. Her eyes are drooping

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Does it look like your brother?”

“It barely looked like a person.”

Mother smiles, just a little bit.

“They do look ugly when they’re born. Are you boys going out?” 

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. “Karaoke.”

“Okay,” she says. “Have fun.”

Kyungsoo nods and leaves feeling off kilter. Was he wrong about her being angry? Maybe she’s finally given up on Seungsoo and Mihye, but it’s hard to believe after ten years of her voicing her displeasure about the relationship.

“Yeah,” he says, once they’ve closed the front door. “Letting out some feelings sounds good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are loved!


	6. Chapter 6

“Do your worst,” Baekhyun says. 

He holds out the input device. Kyungsoo takes it, holding it awkwardly aloft as he scans through the songs.

“My worst?” He says.

“Your utter worst. Trashiest, most vengeful songs you know,” Baekhyun says. “If you’re gonna let it out, you’ve gotta do it right.”

Trashy, vengeful songs? Kyungsoo can’t think of any until he spots something in the new additions that makes it hard to keep a straight face. The input device is clunky but easy enough to figure out; he keys something in and passes the thing to Baekhyun. 

He’s not quite ready for the song to start and has to scrabble for a microphone. As a result, he misses a bit of the first word, ending up with, “r all the times that you rained on my parade.”

The look on Baekhyun’s face is priceless, a nice combination of disbelief and horror as he catches on.

“And all the clubs you get in using my name.”

Baekhyun shrieks and covers his ears and flops onto his back on the padded bench.

“You didn’t,” he says.

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow and keeps singing Justin Bieber’s _Love Yourself_. After a verse or two, Baekhyun stops his histrionics and stares at Kyungsoo instead. 

It takes another verse before Kyungsoo is surprised enough that he almost falters. He’d expected that Baekhyun would join in, probably harmonize, but Baekhyun’s mouth stays unmoving in its half-open position.

“Holy shit, you have an amazing voice,” Baekhyun says, when the song ends. “I can’t believe you’ve been hiding this from me this whole time.”

“I wasn’t hiding anything,” Kyungsoo says. “You never asked.”

“But you never sing!” Baekhyun says. “Why do you never sing? I thought you were a bad singer and shy about it or something.”

“I just don’t,” Kyungsoo says. “I’m quiet.”

“I don’t understand this quiet concept.”

“I know you don’t,” Kyungsoo says. 

His lips quirk up a little. Baekhyun pouts at him, then smiles.

Kyungsoo looks at the screen.

“Did you not put in another song?” He asks.

“Sorry, I was busy being shocked,” Baekhyun says.

He looks at the book.

“I’m making you sing Bruno Mars next.”

 

\----------------

 

Dinner that night is awkward. They eat at a fancy Korean restaurant, just Father, Mother, Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo. 

“How was karaoke?” Mother asks, early on.

“It was amazing,” Baekhyun says. “I’ve never heard Kyungsoo sing before. To be honest, I kind of thought he probably couldn’t sing, you know? But he’s really good.”

“He is,” Mother says. “He didn’t tell you he was in choir in high school?”

“Not until today.”

Mother looks at Kyungsoo.

“It was just to fill up an elective space,” Kyungsoo says. “Why would I tell him about it?”

A small smile creeps onto Mother’s face. At least she’s amused by Kyungsoo’s shyness these days. It’s better than the old frustration by a long shot.

“Maybe I’ll recruit him to be in my band,” Baekhyun says. “Except we already have three people who want to sing. Kyungsoo, do you know any instruments?”

“I can play the piano,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t think that’s very useful for a rock band.”

“Well, you could get a keyboard. Ah, your mom probably doesn’t want you in a rock band, right?”

“It’s just for fun, right?” Mother says. “You don’t really want to be a rock musician, do you?”

Baekhyun’s smile comes back.

“Of course it’s just for fun,” he says. “I’m sure my parents told you my career plans?”

Kyungsoo gives him a second look. There’s really no visible sign that his smile is fake. It’s not all over his face the way it is when he’s gleeful about something, but it’s at the right level for someone talking happily to his mother-in-law about his career plans.

Mother nods, smiling as well.

“They did,” she says. She raises her eyebrows at Kyungsoo. “Well, as long as it doesn’t affect his grades, I don’t see what’s wrong with Kyungsoo being in a band.”

\---------------------

 

“What career plans were you talking about?” Kyungsoo asks. 

Baekhyun is in the middle of climbing into bed. He settles under the covers and reaches down to retrieve his phone’s charging cable from the floor.

“Huh?”

“At dinner you said your parents had probably told mine about your career plans?”

“Fuck if I know,” Baekhyun says. “I figured they must’ve said something, right? Musician doesn’t seem like your mom’s idea of a wise career.”

“They haven’t said anything to you?”

“I haven’t given them much chance to,” Baekhyun says.

“What about before they kicked you out?”

“They always said I could get an MBA and work in the family business if music doesn’t work out. I don’t know if they would’ve let me study it at a school that wasn’t famous for music.”

“BC isn’t?” Kyungsoo asks. “Your grandma says it is.”

“My grandma is convinced it is,” Baekhyun says. “I don’t know where she heard that. She’s probably got it confused with somewhere else. Anyway, if I’d had my parents’ wallet, I could’ve gone somewhere better.”

“Why not transfer somewhere better now?”

“I feel safer with my scholarship,” Baekhyun says. “If everything falls through again, I won’t be any worse off than I was already prepared to be.”

Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun. He sounds too calm about that possibility.

“What?” Baekhyun says.

“How are you not angry all the time? Or sad?”

“Been there, tried that,” Baekhyun says. “It gets old faster than the circumstances that got me there change.”

That’s one hell of a way of looking at it. Kyungsoo stares at him.

“What?” Baekhyun says. “You’re not angry with your mom all the time, are you?”

“I kind of am.”

“What, like as you go around eating or walking to class or whatever, you’re thinking about how mad you are at your mom?”

“Frequently, yeah.”

“Who wins if you do that? Is your mom going to let you divorce me if you spend every waking moment angry with her?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says.

“And is living with me miserable?”

“No.”

“Then why waste time being angry? You’ve got your plan. You just have to play along until graduation, and then you’ve got the rest of your life to do whatever you want.”

“Okay, but what if one of us falls in love with someone?”

“What if you’re in a car accident tomorrow and have brain damage so severe you can’t study computer science anymore?” Baekhyun says. “Don’t worry about what ifs.”

“I think falling in love is more likely than that kind of car accident.”

Baekhyun throws his arm out to the side and raps harshly on the nightstand.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Knocking on wood,” Baekhyun says. “Don’t go saying shit like that, for fuck’s sake.”

“Okay.”

 

\---------------------

 

There’s a third suitcase next to Kyungsoo’s and Baekhyun’s by the car. It’s a glossy gold color and large enough to come up to Kyungsoo’s hip. Kyungsoo stops and stares at it.

“Oh fuck,” Baekhyun whispers. “Is your mom coming with us?”

Kyungsoo tries not to have a heart attack.

“I really fucking hope not.”

He loads the suitcases into the car and takes a seat, and Baekhyun follows. Mother appears with a larger purse than usual and climbs into the passenger seat.

“Mother, are you going somewhere?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I’m taking a trip to help poor people in Haiti,” Mother says. “My flight leaves an hour after yours, so I thought I’d just go with you to the airport.”

“How long will you be gone?” Baekhyun asks.

“Oh, just a little bit,” Mother says.

Two hours later, Kyungsoo lets out a huge sigh of relief when he settles into his seat on the airplane back to Logan. Mother had stayed with them until they boarded the plane, thereby delaying Kyungsoo’s expected escape from her proximity by an extra half hour. 

Beside him, Baekhyun snickers.

“You’re probably the only person on this plane happy to be going back to Boston in January,” he says.

“Don’t pretend you’re not.”

“You’re right,” Baekhyun says. “I am. No offense, but that was kind of a stressful vacation.”

“So that makes two of us on this plane who aren’t sad.”

 

\---------------------

 

“Okay, I lied,” Baekhyun says. “I definitely lied. Can we please go back to California now? It’s fucking cold.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and unzips the pocket in his backpack where he’d left his key.

“Hurry!” Baekhyun says. “Hurry hurry.”

It feels odd walking into the apartment without Mongryong rushing over to greet them, even though they’d only lived in the apartment with him for a short period of time. Sookja is supposed to bring him back tomorrow, along with Baekhyun’s key.

What’s weirder, though, is the guitar cases propped against the open patch of wall by the dining area. One is rigid and large enough for an acoustic guitar, and the other is soft and much smaller. There’s a card in a green envelope sitting on top of the rigid case.

“Where did those come from?” Kyungsoo asks.

Without answering, Baekhyun drops his things and runs over to them.

He rips the card open, catches an advertisement that falls out and scans it quickly, his eyes widening as he does. Kyungsoo looks at the rigid guitar case; it’s worn around the edges and covered in stickers, some of them faded and partially scratched off. One says Nirvana, and the rest seem to carry an alt-rock theme. 

Baekhyun passes the card over and looks at the advertisement more closely.

Kyungsoo reads the card.

> _To Baekhyun and Kyungsoo:_
> 
> _Merry Christmas!_
> 
> _Grandma Sookja suggested you’d both enjoy having a piano around. We thought a keyboard was a better idea for an apartment. We’re sorry to make you wait, but the gentleman at the store said you wouldn’t want to miss out on the new Nord coming out at the end of January._
> 
> _He said there’s nothing they can do about the terrible color._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Mom and Dad Byun_
> 
> __

“Huh,” Baekhyun says.

He’s staring kind of blankly at the wall. Kyungsoo tugs the advertisement gently out of his hands and reads it. It’s for a keyboard called a _Nord Piano 3_ , and it appears to be bright red. 

Baekhyun squats to open the rigid case and brushes the guitar inside with his fingertips. He sniffs. 

Startled, Kyungsoo bends down to look at his face. His eyes are brimming with tears.

Kyungsoo pats his shoulder. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Baekhyun shakes his head.

“Sorry. It’s dumb. I haven’t cried over them in a long time.”

“It’s not dumb,” Kyungsoo says.

He guides Baekhyun over to the couch and sits down with him. Baekhyun leans against his shoulder almost as soon as he does, an increasingly familiar warm weight there.

“Those are my guitars from high school,” Baekhyun says. “Grandma couldn’t get them after I moved out. I thought my mom would’ve thrown them away.”

He only sniffles a few more times, but he stays leaning on Kyungsoo for a long while afterward. Kyungsoo rubs his back.

 

\---------------------

 

A few days later, Kyungsoo nearly jumps out of his skin when he opens the door and Baekhyun is waiting for him on the other side.

He and Mongryong are both wearing party hats. 

“Happy birthday,” he shouts.

Kyungsoo manages not to cover his ears. He peeks around warily as he walks inside, but he sees no sign of a surprise party.

“I didn’t think you’d want me to invite anybody over,” Baekhyun says. “Then I thought maybe I should, because that’s what our parents would expect, right? But it’s your birthday, not theirs, so I decided not to. But if you want a party, we can try one on the weekend? Oh, but I don’t know who’s in town other than the MIT kids.”

“No, it’s good,” Kyungsoo says.

“I got a cake,” Baekhyun says. “And dinner. And wine.”

“How did you get wine?”

“Chanyeol. I left my guitar here and used the case to smuggle it over.”

“Chanyeol isn’t twenty-one.”

Baekhyun shrugs and grins.

“Not everyone cards,” he says.

They chat over dinner, and Kyungsoo opens presents from his parents, Grandma, Sookja, and Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun’s present is in a large box, wrapped haphazardly. There’s so much tape on the edges it’s hard to open. Kyungsoo gives him a good glare when he finally manages to rip a piece off, only for its progress to be halted by another piece of tape a few inches down.

Under the wrapping paper is a karaoke system. Kyungsoo looks at it and snorts.

“Is this a present for me or you?”

“Hey,” Baekhyun says. “I know your secret now, choir boy.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head and laughs.

“But seriously, how was I supposed to come up with a good present less than a month after Christmas?” Baekhyun says.

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says. “My mom just buys me a bunch of stuff for Christmas and picks a couple things to save for my birthday.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

“I’m assuming you just forgot my birthday was coming up.”

“Hey!” Baekhyun says. “That’s not true.”

“What do you want to do now?” Baekhyun asks when they’ve both eaten a slice of cake.

What does Kyungsoo want to do that Baekhyun would also want to do? He’d been planning to go about his day like normal, just like he did last year. He shrugs. 

“Karaoke?”

“Yay!” Baekhyun says.

 

\---------------------

 

“Hey, Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun says, an hour later. They’ve given up karaoke in favor of Mario Kart.

“Yeah?”

Kyungsoo puts down his controller and turns to look at Baekhyun. Baekhyun doesn’t say anything, and Kyungsoo notices him pushing a button but doesn’t connect until he hears the countdown of Mario Kart starting.

“Ha, I tricked you!”

“Fucker,” Kyungsoo says.

He picks up his controller and takes off a second behind Baekhyun, smiling despite himself.

When the game is over, Baekhyun sits back in his seat.

“Hey, Kyungsoo?” He says again.

“If you trick me again, I’m not playing,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun grins at him.

“I’m not,” he says. “I was just wondering. Do you know what we’re going to do for summer break? They’re going to expect us to stay together, aren’t they?”

It’s not something Kyungsoo has given much thought to.

“Probably,” he says. 

He thinks about spending all summer in his parents’ house, with his parents—or maybe just his father, if his mother never returns from her vacation—and rubs his temples.

“What?” Baekhyun says.

“I do not want to spend all summer in my parents’ house,” Kyungsoo says.

“Hey,” Baekhyun says. “They might decide to send us to my parents’ house.”

“Do you want that to happen?” Kyungsoo asks, trying not to show his horror at the prospect.

“No,” Baekhyun says. “If we were going anywhere, the best thing would be my grandma’s house, but that’s...”

“Cramped?” Kyungsoo asks, thinking of the furniture pushed uselessly to the sides of Baekhyun’s room just to make room for a full bed.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “So I was thinking we should get them to let us stay here.”

He gestures at their apartment. Kyungsoo looks around.

“How?” He asks. “Our parents are going to send us where they want.”

“Get an internship,” Baekhyun says. “Nobody can protest if you get an internship.”

 

\---------------------

 

Chanyeol is sitting by himself at a table in the food court, looking at his phone. Kyungsoo holds his tray and considers his options.

Option one: sit somewhere else and claim he didn’t see Chanyeol if he’s caught. This option spares him the possibility of rejection and the discomfort of sitting right in the middle of the cafeteria. On the other hand, the claim lacks credibility; Chanyeol is difficult to miss. 

Option two: approach Chanyeol. Chanyeol is entertaining enough company that sitting in the middle of the food court wouldn’t be too bad, as long as he’s not almost done eating. This option does carry the risk of rejection.

It would be easier to decide if Chanyeol would look up and spot Kyungsoo, but he doesn’t. Kyungsoo sighs and walks over to his table, and Chanyeol finally notices him when he comes to a halt across the table from Chanyeol.

“Heeeeeey, Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol says.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo says. “Can I sit here?”

Chanyeol nods. Kyungsoo sits down.

“This is weird,” Chanyeol says. “I almost never run into you at lunch.”

“I normally eat earlier or later,” Kyungsoo says. “When it’s easier to find a table.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol says.

Somebody walking by brushes against Kyungsoo’s chair. He tries not to cringe. He tries to think of something to say.

“How was your break?” He asks.

“It was good,” Chanyeol says. “Except for the part where I spoiled Junmyeon’s Christmas present. He seemed kinda mad about that.”

Kyungsoo laughs. Chanyeol’s eyes fix in on his face. Kyungsoo starts to freeze up, but then Chanyeol starts laughing, too.

“I can’t believe I forgot about time zones,” he says. “I guess I’m not used to having to think about them when I’m not on vacation.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

“My whole family lives in New England,” Chanyeol says. 

Kyungsoo chews his food and nods.

“So what are you doing for IAP?” Chanyeol asks.

“Nothing major,” Kyungsoo says. “I’m in a credit course.”

“Anything good?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. Chanyeol grins and leans forward over the table, plunking his elbows onto it in the process. Kyungsoo sits back in his own seat to keep some distance between them.

“Is that so?” Chanyeol asks.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. “Why?”

“Do you know what MASLAB is?”

“The robotics competition?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol says. “I’m trying to put together a team to do it next year. Want to join?”

“Sure,” Kyungsoo says. 

Chanyeol blinks for a minute with his mouth open.

“Well, that was easy,” he says.

“It sounds fun,” Kyungsoo says. “Who else do you have for the team? Don’t you need five people?”

Chanyeol nods.

“I’m gonna ask Sehun,” he says. “Then since you two are both computer science majors, we’ll need somebody else from mechanical engineering. I’ve got a couple people I’ve worked with in class before who were pretty good.”

He waves over Kyungsoo’s shoulder as he talks, and Kyungsoo turns to look. Minseok is walking toward their table with his lunch.

“Hey, it’s Chanyeol and Kyungsoo,” he says.

He sets his food on their table and sits down. 

“Wow, this is a coincidence,” Chanyeol says.

“We’ve all run into each other before,” Kyungsoo says.

“Yeah, like once,” Chanyeol says.

Kyungsoo shrugs.

“How are things going with that demon you’re married to?” Minseok asks, after Chanyeol leaves for his next class with a promise that he’ll be over to hang out with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo that night.

“They’re okay,” Kyungsoo says. “He’s a fun person.”

“Huh,” Minseok says. “You don’t look very happy, though.”

“When do I ever look happy?”

“Okay, you look more unhappy than usual.”

“Family stuff,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Oh,” Minseok says. “Are you planning on going home again over the summer? You don’t seem to get along with them very well.”

“I’ve thought about getting an internship,” Kyungsoo says. 

“You don’t sound very confident.”

“They all want a bunch of references,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t have enough.”

He doesn’t have any references, actually, and they all want at least three.

“I’ll be a reference!” Minseok says. “Just send me the job ads so I know what to expect.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “Thanks.”

Minseok twirls his fork in some noodles but doesn’t pick them up.

“Hey, I’m gonna suggest something, and I don’t want you to take it in a judgy way.”

Kyungsoo forces a nod.

“Have you ever thought about talking to a therapist?” Minseok says. “About your family stuff. The school has some you can go to.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t know if a therapist could help with my family stuff.”

“Well,” Minseok says. “Obviously they can’t fix your family, but they can give you some strategies to help you deal with them without losing your mind.”

“Oh.”

Would they tell Kyungsoo to think more like Baekhyun? He doesn’t know if he can do that.

“They can also help with things like anxiety about talking to people when you apply for jobs, if that’s a problem for you. I saw one for that when I was a freshman, and it really helped.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says. That sounds more useful.

“Just think about it,” Minseok says. “Oh, and there are IAP workshops for things like interview skills! You should join some of those.”

 

\-------------------

 

Successful Interviewing Skills

_Jan/20 Wed 01:00PM-02:00PM MD309_

_**Enrollment:** Limited: Advance sign-up required._

Kyungsoo looks at the IAP listing and feels queasy. Will they make him practice interview skills in a room full of people he might know? Will he even be able to walk into the room? Do they have any spots left? It all makes him feel queasy.

He sighs and closes the tab. His current set of Independent Activity Period workshops is a carefully cultivated series of things not too far distant from his normal courses, and he chose them well in advance. Adding to the list now makes him uncomfortable.

There’s a foggy, half-baked idea in his mind that maybe these problems he’s having are things a therapist can help with. He searches the internet for the student counseling center and clicks on their website.

_Counselors are available to talk to individual students. Call us to schedule an appointment!_

Kyungsoo stares at the computer screen.

He pulls out his phone and types in the numbers, but he hesitates. What is he supposed to say? What exactly is he asking for help with?

The thump of feet coming up the stairs to the loft startles him, and he all but slams the screen of the laptop down. Baekhyun gets to the top of the stairs and makes for his own desk, giving Kyungsoo only a cursory glance at first. Then he does a double take and turns to look at Kyungsoo properly.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Hey, do you want to go to the aquarium this weekend?” Baekhyun says. “I was thinking we should do some date-like things. You know, to make the paparazzi happy.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says. 

 

\-------------------

 

“Look at that one’s face!” Baekhyun says.

He’s laughing and pointing at what the label declares to be a balloonfish. It looks like the personification of the :3 emoji. 

Baekhyun tries to curl his own mouth up in imitation. 

Baekhyun has a stupidly cute mouth.

They walk out on the Harborwalk after the aquarium, gloved hand in gloved hand. Kyungsoo keeps glancing behind them, looking for a beige trench coat. He’s frustrated every time it doesn’t appear, and more frustrated at himself for being frustrated that he doesn’t have an excuse to kiss Baekhyun.

Maybe Mother called off the investigation. That should be a good thing, but Kyungsoo has just endured a long walk through an aquarium with Baekhyun and his stupidly cute mouth. Prior to that, he’s endured more than a month of sharing a bed, frequently waking up either to Baekhyun’s innocent sleeping face or to Baekhyun getting up with adorably puffy eyes and messy hair, and weeks of playing video games too close to Baekhyun on the couch.

He’s spent a lot of time wanting to kiss Baekhyun.

So this time, even as he hates himself for it, he feels a happy little thrill when he sees a man in a trench coat carrying a telephoto lens between a group of people. 

Instantly, Kyungsoo is scanning the buildings, looking for a spot where stopping to kiss Baekhyun wouldn’t be too gross.

There’s a red brick building with awfully large expanses of no windows and no doors nearby. Kyungsoo tugs Baekhyun in the direction of one such expanse, keeping his face blank when Baekhyun looks at him with his eyebrows knitted upward in confusion.

“Our friend found us,” Kyungsoo says.

“Who?” Baekhyun asks, but then apparently he gets it. His mouth slides into a grin, and his eyes flick down to a lower spot on Kyungsoo’s face.

Kyungsoo guides him into the shadow of the building until his back is just brushing the brick wall and kisses him. Baekhyun wraps his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist and pulls him closer, and Kyungsoo’s heart starts to rush with adrenaline.

The urge to do more than just these little pecks they’ve been doing comes back. There’s a risk he’ll give away his inexperience to the investigator if he does, but will they really be convincing if they stick to chaste little pecks?

He parts his lips tentatively. Baekhyun instantly follows along, letting Kyungsoo slip his tongue into his mouth and taking over when Kyungsoo starts to falter. He leans back against the wall and pulls Kyungsoo in between his legs and does a whole bunch of things with his mouth that make Kyungsoo hope the thickness of their coats between them will keep him from noticing that Kyungsoo is getting hard. 

Shit. He’s being one of those gross people who make out in public. He’s getting turned on in public. People must think he’s disgusting. 

And this is all in front of a guy with a camera who will send the pictures to his mother.

Kyungsoo freezes up and breaks the kiss.

Baekhyun breathes heavily and looks at him for a minute.

“Aww,” he says. 

“People are watching,” Kyungsoo says.

“Isn’t it fun, though?” Baekhyun says.

He plants a quick little kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek and smiles.

“People watching us kiss?”

“No, kissing,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and walks away, tugging on Baekhyun’s hand to get him to follow. Baekhyun laughs and catches up.

“People watching can be fun, too,” he says. 

Kyungsoo puts his face in his hand.

 

\-------------------

 

That night, Kyungsoo dreams about Baekhyun, leaning back against a wall with his arms around Kyungsoo’s neck. He’s smirking at Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo dives forward and kisses him. Baekhyun sneaks his fingers into Kyungsoo’s belt loops and pulls him forward so that their crotches are pressed against each other. He kisses along Kyungsoo’s jaw and behind his ear.

“Are you just gonna stand there?” Baekhyun asks.

Kyungsoo isn’t sure what Baekhyun wants him to do. His own hips want him to grind up against Baekhyun. He does that, and Baekhyun groans in his ear. He does it again.

“That’s good,” Baekhyun says. “Keep going.”

The friction feels amazing, and Kyungsoo keeps it up, rubbing up against Baekhyun while Baekhyun does the same to him. Only he can hardly feel Baekhyun’s dick, courtesy of Baekhyun’s long, thick coat. 

Kyungsoo pulls away enough to fumble at the buttons of it, determined to get closer. Baekhyun bats his hands out of the way and undoes the buttons himself, smirking at Kyungsoo the whole time. 

That’s when Kyungsoo wakes up. He’s about as hard as he gets. He sits up and looks at Baekhyun, but it’s too dark to tell if he’s awake. 

Mongryong whines. Kyungsoo shushes him and slides out of bed. 

He goes into the bathroom and glares at his dick. Jerking off feels gross, given the context, but going back to bed without getting off might lead to a continuation of the dream he just had. He calls to mind scenes from pornos he’s gotten off to before and focuses on them while he pulls himself off.

When he walks back into the bedroom, Mongryong gives him a judgmental look. He leaves and pulls Baekhyun’s old blankets out of the chest in the living room and lies down on the couch. 

 

\-------------------

 

“What are you doing out here?” Baekhyun asks in the morning.

In his pajamas, Baekhyun looks kind of bony around the shoulders but soft everywhere else. His face is puffy from sleep, and his hair is standing up in several directions. It’s hard to believe he’s the same guy Kyungsoo had a wet dream about. Then again, if he looks too long, Kyungsoo wants to pull him close and make out with him again.

Kyungsoo rubs his back and yawns. 

“Mongryong farted last night,” he says. “I can’t believe it didn’t wake you up.”

Mongryong’s collar jingles in signal that he heard his name. He looks at Kyungsoo judgmentally once again.

 

\-------------------

 

       
_Must send resume, cover letter, and names and contact information of three references._   


Kyungsoo groans and puts his head in his hands. Eventually he closes out of the internship page and pulls up the university’s counseling website again. Minseok definitely said they could help with this kind of anxiety.

He punches the number on the screen into his phone and hits call. 

“If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911,” a recorded voice tells him.

Moments later, someone answers the phone. 

“Thank you for calling [indistinct mumbling] how can I help you?” A voice says.

“Um, is this student counseling?” Kyungsoo asks.

Less than a minute into the call and he’s already embarrassed. His palms prickle. How is he supposed to do this? Is he going to need to say why?

“Yes it is,” the voice says.

“Oh, then I’d like to make an appointment?”

“Okay. Have you been here before?”

“No.”

“Okay. When would you like to come in?”

 

\-------------------

 

The woman in the student counseling office hands Kyungsoo a sheet of paper on a clipboard and a pen when he arrives. He takes one of the seats in the lobby and starts filling it out.

_Name: Kyungsoo Do_

_Age: 20_

_Marital status:_

That one is vexing. Kyungsoo skips it and goes on to the questions in the body of the form. 

_Using the scale below, select how much each of the following statements describes your mood over the past two weeks._

By the time he’s agreed, disagreed, and strongly disagreed down the page and the flip side of the page, Kyungsoo still isn’t sure about marital status. Should he say he’s single to reflect the actual emotional situation? Married to reflect how fucked up his life is? Married just in case it somehow gets back to his mother?

He writes _married_ on the line and carries it to the receptionist. She accepts it without looking at it. He sits back down and takes out a textbook.

A short, round woman comes out of the back office space. She says something to the receptionist that Kyungsoo can’t hear, and then the receptionist passes her Kyungsoo’s form.

“Kyungsoo Do?” She says.

Kyungsoo gets up. She smiles at him and holds out her hand. Kyungsoo reaches out and shakes it.

“Nice to meet you, Kyungsoo,” she says. 

She leads him down a hallway, and as they get to her office Kyungsoo realizes that he’d missed her saying her name. He looks at the door and sees _Dr. Elison_ written next to it. He tries to commit it to memory. 

Nearly every surface in Dr. Elison’s office is covered in Beanie Babies. Kyungsoo tries not to stare at them as he sits down. When he looks away from them, he can feel all of their plastic eyes on him. It makes him feel even more anxious than he already was.

Dr. Elison sits down and places the form Kyungsoo had filled out on her desk. She doesn’t look at it.

“Right,” she says. “By the way, can I ask your preferred pronouns? Mine are she/her.”

“He/him,” Kyungsoo says.

“Okay,” Dr. Elison says. “What brings you in today, Kyungsoo?”

“Um,” Kyungsoo says.

There aren’t any actual words in his mind. It’s white as a sheet. What brought him in?

“I was having trouble applying for internships, and my friend said you could help,” he says.

Dr. Elison looks kind of confused, or maybe he’s just projecting what he expects to see on her. Who goes to a therapist for help getting a job?

“Okay,” Dr. Elison says. “What do you have trouble with?”

“Asking people to be references,” Kyungsoo says. “Um, applying in general? Sometimes they want me to send an email, and I don’t know what to say.”

“I see,” Dr. Elison says. “I might be able to help with that. Why do you have trouble asking people to be references?”

Kyungsoo leaves the student counseling center with the sense that he’s really bad at talking, along with a book about social anxiety and orders to read it before his next appointment in two weeks. 

 

\-------------------

 

 _Write a list of things that make you anxious_ the social anxiety book says. _Try to write what it is that scares you about these situations._

Taking a bite of his burrito, Kyungsoo ponders. He might as well keep it related to things that get in the way of applying for jobs. He opens his notebook to a new page and numbers it.

  1. Asking for references.  
Afraid they’ll wonder why I’m asking them because they don’t know me very well.
  2. Meeting new people. Includes interviews.  
I have RBF. Everyone thinks I hate them.
  3. Sending job applications.  
What if I look stupid compared to other applicants?



He’s trying to think of more things when Mongryong runs to the front door, wagging his tail. Five p.m. is fairly early for Baekhyun to be home, but it seems to be happening more frequently this term.

As the lock clicks open, Kyungsoo slips the notebook with his list under the book and closes the book so that the nondescript back cover is facing up.

“What are we doing for Valentine’s Day?” Baekhyun asks as he walks into the room. “Hey, you went to Chipotle without me?”

“We could go to Chipotle for Valentine’s Day,” Kyungsoo says.

“Hey!” Baekhyun says. “That is not how Valentine’s Day works.”

Kyungsoo shrugs. 

“What do you want to do?”

“Something romantic, obviously,” Baekhyun says. “We should make sure the paparazzi don’t have any reason to doubt us.”

“Long walk on the beach?” Kyungsoo says.

“It’s February.”

“I could cook a fancy dinner.”

“That is very romantic,” Baekhyun says. “But not a good way of showing off.”

Showing off worries Kyungsoo, these days. He doesn’t need any more wet dreams about Baekhyun.

“I could scatter a bunch of rose petals outside our door.”

Baekhyun struggles to keep up a straight face for a minute before he gives up and giggles.

“Very romantic,” he says. “Not very you.”

“Neither is kissing in public.”

“Yeah, but I’m hot enough to change your mind.”

“Does telling yourself that help you believe it?”

Baekhyun’s face twitches. 

“Sorry, babe,” he says. “Your prickly act stopped being convincing months ago.”

Kyungsoo snorts.

He nudges the book up enough to add a line to the bottom of the notebook page containing his list, _looking interested in someone who might not like me?_ He makes it halfway through the line before Baekhyun tries to peek over his shoulder. He drops his pen on the writing.

“Babe?”

“Uh-huh,” Baekhyun says. “That’s what I’m calling you now. It feels stiff calling you Kyungsoo in front of our parents.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says. “Well, if you come home carrying a nice cake and flowers it’ll look romantic, right?”

“It would,” Baekhyun says. “It’s a Sunday, though. We should have more planned than a romantic dinner.”

“If we just stay inside afterward, maybe they’ll think we’re having lots of sex,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun chortles.

“I love you,” he says. Then he narrows his eyes at Kyungsoo. “Hmm. Maybe they’ll think that if you show up with condoms.”

Kyungsoo chokes.

“Why me?” He says.

“It makes more sense for you to do it, since you’ll be the one buying groceries.”

Kyungsoo keeps his face as calm as he can, but he can feel it heating up. Noticing it just makes it worse. It’s embarrassing to be as embarrassed as he is about this.

“Would we even use condoms?” He asks. “We’re married.”

“It’s good to play it safe when HIV could be involved,” Baekhyun says. “And anyway, lots of guys don’t like the feeling of come in their asses. It’s not just an STI thing.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun pokes his cheek. His sneaky, pointy smile is out.

“You might want to practice buying them,” he says. “You’ll give yourself away if you blush.”

“I never said I was going to do it.”

It sounds like torture, and what would Kyungsoo do with a box of condoms? The marriage is ruining any hope he ever had of having a sex life.

“Spoilsport,” Baekhyun says.

He pouts, but the corners of his pout keep trying to twitch back into a smile. Kyungsoo wants to see the fake pout fail.

“Maybe we decided to wait to have sex, and this is our first time,” he says. “Then I’d have reason to blush about it.”

Baekhyun’s nose scrunches with his giggle this time.

“I love it,” he says. “But I guess you persuaded me to wait. Everyone knows I’m a slut.”

“Don’t say that,” Kyungsoo says.

“Why not? I am. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

His face has fallen flat, though. Something about it bothers him. Maybe he thinks Kyungsoo is judging him.

“There isn’t,” Kyungsoo says. “But you say it like there is.”

“I’m still mad at myself,” Baekhyun says.

“For what?”

“I don’t know. How I treated Yixing? Being a bisexual stereotype?”

“What, you think people are going to use you as evidence that all bisexual people are promiscuous?” Kyungsoo says. 

Baekhyun shrugs.

“That would be pretty dumb,” Kyungsoo says. “Lots of college kids are promiscuous. Even the MIT kids go overboard, and they’re supposed to be nerds.”

“Uh oh,” Baekhyun says. “Did you get sexiled a lot last year?”

“Technically no,” Kyungsoo says. “My actual roommate never got laid, but our neighbors were loud.”

Baekhyun snickers.

“They broke their bed once,” Kyungsoo adds.

“Oh fuck,” Baekhyun says. “I’ve done that. It was scary.”

 

\-------------------

 

“Why is it important that you get an internship this summer?” Dr. Elison asks.

“Because I don’t want to go home to California,” Kyungsoo says. “Or to my husband’s house.”

“Right,” Dr. Elison says. “I saw that on your form from last time and meant to ask you about it. You’re married?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. “Kind of.”

“How are you kind of married?”

Kyungsoo tries not to cringe as he launches into the explanation. Dr. Elison’s eyebrows rise higher and higher as he gets into the story. Does she think he’s making this up? Delusional? Abused? 

“Okay,” Dr. Elison says when he’s finished. “It sounds like you made a reasonable choice, given the situation. You get along with your husband okay?”

Kyungsoo nods.

“We’re more like roommates who have to visit each other’s families for the holidays than a couple.”

Dr. Elison nods slowly.

“Back to your internship, then. Your parents will force you to go home? You don’t think they’ll let you and Baekhyun live on your own because you’re married?”

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t want to find out. My mother doesn’t change her mind once she’s decided something.”

“I see,” Dr. Elison says. “Well, could you take a class over the summer instead of an internship?”

Kyungsoo thinks about it. He nods.

“But I need to find a job someday,” he says. “I’m still going to need references.”

“You are, but you could start by joining a club or volunteering somewhere. There’s no need to force yourself to rush things if you can afford not to.”

“Where would I volunteer?”

Volunteering sounds easier than joining a club; if he doesn’t end up talking to anyone, at least he might never have to see them again.

“Anywhere,” Dr. Elison says. “There are some websites you can look at to find something. Do you think you could do that?”

It makes Kyungsoo feel a little nauseated, but he nods.

 

\-------------------

 

Gathering ingredients on Valentine’s Day turns out to be a horrible endeavor. The grocery store is crowded, and half the people are staring at the shelves like they’ve never set foot in a grocery store before in their lives.

The whole time he’s selecting his steaks, he’s also having an internal debate: to buy condoms, or not to buy condoms?

There’s no actual point to it, as far as their feigned relationship goes. His grocery bags are opaque, so there’s no way the investigator would get a picture of the contents. He made sure of that before he left the apartment.

On the other hand, it would make Baekhyun laugh, and he likes making Baekhyun laugh. 

Then there’s the fact that Kyungsoo is supposed to be challenging his social anxiety. If he’s afraid to buy condoms, then he should buy them to get over his fear. 

He detours past the pharmacy section on his way to the produce, but there’s someone standing in the condom aisle. He decides to get his vegetables, first.

On his way back from choosing vegetables, the condom aisle is clear. Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and walks in.

There turn out to be a lot of choices for condoms. Kyungsoo stares at the rack in confused horror. Lubricated condoms, unlubricated condoms. Ribbed ones. Lubri _cant_ , which is probably something he should buy with the condoms. 

He could text Baekhyun and ask what’s good. Baekhyun would probably think it was hilarious.

Or he could just buy something. Trojan’s a brand he’s heard of. He locates a box and tucks it into his shopping cart. He finds a bottle of lube and starts to drop it into the cart, then remembers something about oil-based lubricants being bad. He reads the ingredients, sees nothing about any oil, and sets it down in the basket. 

He tries his best not to blush as the two sex things go drifting down the conveyor belt along with the filet mignon he’s cooking for dinner and associated ingredients. The cashier looks at the items on the belt and then at him. She smiles and asks for his club card.

Of course she’s going to keep her judgment to herself, if she’s judging him. That’s her job.

He walks home feeling suspicious as all hell and awkward. There’s no way anyone could see the condoms at the bottom of the bag, but his mind fills with a helpful image of the bag spontaneously breaking and dropping his groceries all over the ground. He walks as quickly as he can without looking weird.

As soon as he’s inside the apartment, he slumps dramatically against the door.

“Oh my god,” Baekhyun says. “Your face is so red.”

Kyungsoo looks up.

“Shut up.”

“What, did you actually buy condoms or something?”

“Alfred, play ‘Love Yourself’ by Justin Bieber,” Kyungsoo says.

The Echo—Baekhyun didn’t like Alexa, so he changed its name to Alfred—starts playing Love Yourself with Baekhyun’s screeching as accompaniment.

“Alfred, stop!” Baekhyun shouts. “Alfred, red alert!”

Alfred says something, then starts making an alarm noise.

“What the hell is that?” Kyungsoo says.

“It’s an Easter egg,” Baekhyun says. “I found a whole list of them.”

“Alfred, stop,” Kyungsoo says. “You’ll make the neighbors think the building is on fire again.”

“Nah, that thing isn’t half as annoying as the actual fire alarm.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head.

He sets the groceries on the counter and starts to put them away. Baekhyun digs through them—the wrong bag first, but Kyungsoo lets him suffer—and crows when he finds the condoms, mouth agape in a gleeful smile.

“You really did it,” he says.

Kyungsoo snorts. Baekhyun laughs and sets the items on the counter

“I guess I should go pick up the cake,” he says.

For some reason this necessitates wrapping an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and kissing his cheek. Kyungsoo rubs his cheek and glares at Baekhyun. Baekhyun laughs and waves.

“I’ll be back, babe.”

Mongryong follows him to the door, wagging his butt while Baekhyun puts on his camel coat. When Baekhyun closes the door in his face, he turns and looks at Kyungsoo reproachfully.

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says. “Did you want a kiss, too?”

His heart is beating funny. Rolling his eyes at himself, he grabs the sex things from the counter and carries them to the bedroom. He opens the drawer of his nightstand and sets them in the very back.

Then he goes to the kitchen and starts cooking.

 

\-------------------

 

Baekhyun’s cake is frosted in hot pink and crowned with frosting roses and hearts in varying shades of pink and red. Kyungsoo takes one look at it and chokes.

“Isn’t it horrible?” Baekhyun says.

“It’s disgusting,” Kyungsoo says. 

Baekhyun presents a bouquet of red roses to him with a flourish. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and takes them.

“Do gay men really do this shit?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun says. “It probably depends on the couple. But we’re being watched by straight people, so we should probably do straight people romance things, right?”

It makes some amount of sense. Kyungsoo casts around for something to put the flowers in. They don’t have a vase.

They do have a pitcher that Kyungsoo has never found a use for, though. Why his mother thought he’d need a glass pitcher is beyond him, but he digs it out of the back of a cabinet and tries putting the flowers in it. They fit.

Baekhyun laughs when he fills it with water.

“What else am I gonna do?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun says.

The timer for the steaks goes off, then, and Kyungsoo is momentarily busy checking the temperature and pulling them out of the oven. When he turns back around, Baekhyun is looking at the flowers with a frown.

“Are you sad you’re not really having a romantic Valentine’s Day?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says.

“If you want to date someone, I’m sure we could work something out.”

“Nah, I don’t really trust myself to date right now,” Baekhyun says. “Oh fuck, those look delicious.”

“You have to move so I can put them down.”

“Oh.”

Baekhyun shuffles ruefully out of the kitchen and plays around with Mongryong while Kyungsoo finishes getting the food ready. 

“Are you saving your first time for someone special?” He asks.

Kyungsoo very carefully sets the plates of food he was carrying onto the table before he turns around to stare at Baekhyun.

“Where did that come from?”

“I was just wondering,” Baekhyun says. “You know, since you haven’t had sex.”

He’d lost Mongryong’s attention the moment the plates clunked against the wood of the table. He follows the dog over and takes his usual seat.

Kyungsoo sits in his own spot and watches Baekhyun slice off a chunk of filet mignon and eat it.

“No,” he says after a moment. “It just hasn’t happened. I don’t think it’s anything special.”

Baekhyun gives him a funny look.

“You’re not asexual, are you?” 

His mouth is still half full of chewed up meat. Kyungsoo looks down at his plate so he doesn’t have to see.

“No,” he says.

“Hmm.”

And that’s the end of that conversation. Kyungsoo shrugs it off in favor of enjoying his steak.

 

\-------------------

 

The orientation for new volunteers at the food bank starts at eight thirty in the morning on a Saturday. It’s in a bland warehouse building in a part of town that makes Kyungsoo nervous. He follows signs for volunteers to a room with rows of cheap folding chairs set out and takes a seat near the back. 

He’s the only person there when he arrives. He pulls out his phone and looks at the conversation topics Dr. Elison recommended in his notes. Weather. School. Jobs. Hobbies.

Someone walks in. His heart rate goes up immediately, and he looks up, preparing himself to say something.

She’s wearing a bright blue T-shirt over a long-sleeved shirt, and she picks a seat on the other side of the room. Kyungsoo relaxes, feeling guilty for being relieved. He’s supposed to be socializing today. That’s the point.

Several other people in matching bright blue T-shirts come in a few minutes later and join the first girl. 

Kyungsoo switches over to browsing reddit on his phone. That’s what he’s doing several minutes later when he hears his name. He looks up.

Jongdae is standing by the door in a bright blue T-shirt, smiling.

“Oh, hey,” Kyungsoo says.

Jongdae sits in the seat next to him.

“What brings you here?” 

“My therapist suggested it,” Kyungsoo says. She’d said to be honest.

“Oh,” Jongdae says. 

“You?” Kyungsoo looks at his T-shirt and the group across the room in matching ones.

“I’m here with a volunteer group from BC,” Jongdae says. “I like it better than parties for meeting new people. Nobody throws up on you.”

Kyungsoo’s lips twitch.

“That is a benefit.”

“This is great, though!” Jongdae says. “I made Minseok come as my plus one. We can hang out. Let me go check in with my group leader.”

Minseok walks in while Jongdae is talking to another blue shirt. He goes over to Jongdae, who says something and points at Kyungsoo. Minseok grins and waves, then comes over to sit next to Kyungsoo.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he says, turning to face Kyungsoo and covering his mouth with his hand. “It was going to be a whole fucking morning of hanging out with a bunch of people I don’t know.”

Kyungsoo laughs.

“He always drags me to these things, but he spends half the time talking to the other BC people,” Minseok says. “And then what am I supposed to do?”

After a brief orientation, they’re sent off to sort through items, and he and Minseok chat idly while they check expiration dates on boxes, Jongdae occasionally joining their conversation and occasionally talking to the people on his other side. It feels like cheating, spending all his time talking to Minseok and Jongdae instead of other people, but it’s also fun.

“Things still going okay with Baekhyun?” Minseok asks at one point, when Jongdae is speaking to his blue shirt buddies.

Kyungsoo can feel his face heating up.

“Oh?” Minseok says. “What’s this? You’re blushing.”

Kyungsoo scowls.

“Pass me the tape,” he says.

Minseok reaches over to grab the packing tape dispenser from Jongdae’s end of the table and passes it to Kyungsoo. He looks at Kyungsoo’s face.

“You’re not developing feelings for him or anything, are you?”

After double checking that Jongdae is still busy, Kyungsoo lowers his voice.

“Maybe.”

“Seriously?” Minseok says. “Baekhyun? I don’t even get how you’ve lived with him for an entire semester without exploding.”

“He’s nice,” Kyungsoo says. 

“What about Baekhyun?” Jongdae says.

“He’s brainwashed Kyungsoo into liking him,” Minseok says.

“Oh,” Jongdae says. “Why are you always so mean about him?”

“Because he’s fun to tease?”

“Oh, fair enough,” Jongdae says. “Hey, Kyungsoo, has anyone taught you the trick?”

“What trick?”

Kyungsoo looks up from the bottle of juice he’s examining for the percentage of real juice. 

“The back of his neck is really sensitive,” Jongdae says. “If he gets really annoying and won’t stop, just grab the back of his neck. It pretty much shuts off his brain.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “That sounds useful.”

“Yep.”

Jongdae is eventually drafted away to move boxes around. Minseok peers after him, then turns to Kyungsoo.

“So what are you going to do?”

Kyungsoo shrugs and checks the date on package of Easy Mac. It’s only a week expired, well within the food bank’s guidelines, so he puts it in a box. Apparently Easy Mac is edible for two years after its expiration date. More reason for Kyungsoo to doubt its edibility.

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t think he’s interested in me.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Minseok says.

Kyungsoo frowns.

“Even if he is, it’s like dating a roommate, but worse. If something goes wrong, we’re stuck together until we graduate.”

“Hmm,” Minseok says. “Yeah, that could be a problem.”

Kyungsoo sighs at the pack of Capri Sun in his hands.

“You don’t seem too sure,” Minseok says.

“I just don’t know what to do about the—“ Kyungsoo sighs.

“About the what?”

He doesn’t know about the kissing. Kyungsoo debates not telling him, but that’s the part he’s conflicted about. He launches into an explanation, barely managing not to clam up as Minseok’s face turns more and more incredulous. Even to his own ears, it sounds incredibly illogical. 

“So I don’t know what to do,” he says at the end. “It seems creepy to keep doing it if I’m secretly enjoying it.”

“Oh,” Minseok says. “Hmm.”

He sets a box of juice packs in the discard area. Kyungsoo has seen the brand enough times by now that he knows it doesn’t meet the one percent juice threshold.

“If it was someone other than Baekhyun, I might worry about that, but I don’t think Baekhyun has ever met a guy he wouldn’t sleep with,” Minseok says. “Does he seem uncomfortable about it at all?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Minseok says. “I’m more worried about him taking advantage of you, to be honest.”

“I know how to say no,” Kyungsoo says. 

“I know you do,” Minseok says.

He doesn’t say anything else for a minute or two, but his eyebrows are knitted like he’s thinking. Kyungsoo lets him, still bristling over Minseok’s belief that he’s naïve enough to let someone take advantage of him.

“Look,” Minseok says. “If you ever need to talk about it, you can talk to me, okay?”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says.

“By the way, I’m getting lunch with Jongdae after this, if you want to come?”

“Sure.”

 

\-------------------

 

Baekhyun sighs for the third time in several minutes and stops strumming his guitar. Without looking, Kyungsoo can tell Baekhyun’s eyes are on him. He pauses the game he’s playing on his phone and looks up.

He nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees Baekhyun watching him from the other end of the couch, even though he’d expected it. There’s something piercing about his stare when he wears eyeliner.

“What’s up?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I’m bored.”

“Why are you home so early, anyway?” 

It’s barely ten o’clock. Baekhyun is still in his ripped skinny jeans and low-necked T-shirt from partying, even though he’s been home for an hour and the apartment is hardly warm enough for those things, especially when he’s sitting with no blanket.

His collarbones are showing. Kyungsoo tears his eyes away, only to have them to land on Baekhyun’s bare forearm draped over the guitar. 

Why would he wear a T-shirt to a party in February? He’d have to have been cold going to and from the place, even with a coat over it.

“Everybody else found someone to make out with,” Baekhyun says. “I got frustrated.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “Sorry.”

Baekhyun shrugs. He’s still looking at Kyungsoo but not saying anything. Kyungsoo feels the need to keep talking.

“Like I said earlier,” he says. “If you need me to cover for you sometime, I’m sure we could work something out.”

“Really?” Baekhyun says. “Like what?”

“I don’t know.”

Kyungsoo has spent a frustrating amount of time working on that. He hasn’t come up with anything.

“Exactly. It would be really hard. I don’t really have anyone I want to date right now, anyway.”

Kyungsoo hadn’t necessarily meant dating, but he doesn’t see a point in clarifying that when he still doesn’t have any ideas for implementation. Baekhyun scoots closer to him on the couch and leans forward. He looks a little predatory and undeniably hot.

Kyungsoo’s current staying-in night college hoodie and sweats don’t make him feel worthy of the look he’s getting.

“Not Taeyeon?” Kyungsoo asks, trying once again, in vain, to keep himself from thinking about how hot Baekhyun is.

“No,” Baekhyun says. “She got a boyfriend.”

“Oh.”

“I have a different idea.”

The smile curling on Baekhyun’s lips is worrying.

“Oh?”

“You and me,” Baekhyun says. “We’re in the same boat, right? Dating is hard for us, and neither of us have anyone in mind, anyway.”

“Um,” Kyungsoo says. “Yeah.”

“You’re an attractive guy,” Baekhyun says. “I’m an attractive guy.”

Shit.

“Why not just take care of things with each other?”

“Are you drunk?”

“No,” Baekhyun says. “I had like two beers two hours ago.”

“Oh.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Baekhyun says. “Just the two of us helping each other through this weird period in our lives.”

Kyungsoo thinks about it.

If Baekhyun finds him attractive, then his concerns about taking advantage of the situation are no longer valid. That leaves the relationship with a roommate issue, but it’s not really a relationship, is it? They’re just messing around.

Baekhyun is still watching him, with his lined eyes and tousled hair and his collarbones peeking out from his shirt. He smiles at Kyungsoo.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun’s lips stretch further into a smile. He inches in and kisses Kyungsoo.

Kissing Baekhyun is infinitely more fun with the confidence of knowing that Baekhyun is also enjoying it. Kyungsoo turns sideways on the couch cushions and leans back against the arm of the couch when Baekhyun guides him down to it with nudges. 

He sucks in a sharp breath when Baekhyun tugs at the hem of his sweatshirt. He takes it off himself and lies back down again, and Baekhyun straddles his hips to hover over him, leaning in to capture his lips again. Kyungsoo holds his hands up for a moment, not sure what to do with them, then decides he should rest them on Baekhyun’s shoulders.

Baekhyun’s hand wanders along his body over his thin T-shirt, down to his hip and then his thigh. Then he removes his mouth from Kyungsoo’s and plants it on his neck, where he leaves sucking, biting kisses. 

Kyungsoo sucks in another breath and stifles the urge to rock his hips upward. That would show how affected he is by all this. Is it normal to be this affected? Will it show his inexperience?

His heart rate starts to pick up in a bad way, and he stops himself, hunts for a rational thought to replace the irrational one. When has Baekhyun ever judged him for his inexperience? The worst he’s ever done is poke fun at Kyungsoo for being embarrassed about condoms. 

Baekhyun pauses.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says.

“You’re so quiet.”

“I’m—“

“Always quiet,” Baekhyun finishes for him. “Yeah, I know.”

“You weren’t being any louder.”

“I was busy aggressing.”

Kyungsoo laughs.

“That’s not a word.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Baekhyun says. “Do you want me to use my brain for making words or for getting you off?”

He curls his lip, but then he laughs. He’s cute. 

He explicitly wants to get Kyungsoo off. That settles that.

“Getting me off sounds good,” Kyungsoo says. “I just don’t know what I’m doing.”

“That’s fine,” Baekhyun says. “You’ll get the hang of it.”

Baekhyun tugs at the hem of Kyungsoo’s T-shirt.

“Take this off?”

Kyungsoo obliges, and then Baekhyun’s kissing his collarbone. He runs a hand up until it hits Kyungsoo’s nipple, and Kyungsoo gasps. 

Rubbing his thumb over the nipple, Baekhyun detaches from Kyungsoo’s collarbone to smirk at him. He opens his mouth to say something, hesitates, and then scoots down to put his lips on a nipple instead. 

It feels amazing for all of a moment, and Kyungsoo lets his hips move the way they want to this time, up against Baekhyun’s belly. But then he opens his eyes, and he feels cold and exposed. He freezes and presses back on Baekhyun’s shoulder.

Baekhyun looks up at him.

“Can we go slower?” Kyungsoo asks, sliding his hands down to Baekhyun’s chest and pulling him upward to get the meaning across.

Baekhyun nods and moves back up, and Kyungsoo presses their lips together again. With the return to relatively even footing, Kyungsoo’s anxiety fades back to background noise. 

Baekhyun’s body is warm and solid under his hands. He tries moving them down to Baekhyun’s waist and pulling him closer, and Baekhyun makes a soft little grunt into his mouth. 

Reaching a hand back, Baekhyun pushes one of Kyungsoo’s hands down onto his ass and then freezes and pulls back.

“Shit, sorry, I forgot we were going slower.”

In answer, Kyungsoo slides his other hand down to Baekhyun’s ass as well and pulls him closer with that grip, grinding his hips up into Baekhyun’s at the same time. He’d said slower, but it wasn’t really what he’d meant.

“Oh, fuck,” Baekhyun says.

He presses his mouth against Kyungsoo’s again and grinds down against him. His ass is wonderfully soft under Kyungsoo’s hands, even through the layer of denim covering it. The friction on his dick is fantastic, too, enough to make him forget his inhibitions entirely.

He ruts up against Baekhyun with abandon, his breath speeding up as he does, and Baekhyun gives back as good as he gets. His erection is a firm lump against Kyungsoo, a little uncomfortable because he’s still wearing jeans.

When Kyungsoo starts to think that this would be much better with their pants off, Baekhyun puts a hand on his hip to stop him.

“Can we take our pants off?” He asks.

Kyungsoo nods but looks at the couch. Guests sit on the couch. He’ll never be able to look anyone in the face again while they’re sitting here if he knows he got naked with Baekhyun on it.

“Can we do that in bed?”

Baekhyun grins and nods.

“It’ll be better with lube, too.”

They tiptoe past Mongryong, asleep in his dog bed, and Baekhyun gently closes the door to the bedroom behind them. Then he strips off his shirt and pants, and Kyungsoo ditches his own pants as well.

Baekhyun’s body looks about how it had at the beach last summer; thin but not without a healthy layer of body fat. His dick is hard.

That’s as far as Kyungsoo gets before Baekhyun walks up and pushes him toward the bed. He climbs in, and Baekhyun pulls a bottle of lube out of his own nightstand before he follows.

He crawls over Kyungsoo again and sits upright on Kyungsoo’s thighs for a moment, popping the cap on the lube and squeezing some into his hand. 

“Gimme your hand,” he says.

Kyungsoo holds his hand out, palm up, and Baekhyun slathers some of the lube from his own hand onto Kyungsoo’s. 

Then he leans down over Kyungsoo and kisses him again. He guides Kyungsoo’s hand gently to his dick, like he’s afraid Kyungsoo will freak out. Kyungsoo follows along readily, with the vague idea that Baekhyun is misunderstanding what he’s nervous about. The soft little sound that Baekhyun makes when Kyungsoo’s hand makes contact helps Kyungsoo feel that much less disproportionately vulnerable.

The angle is weird, though, and he has to break the kiss to look at what he’s doing, because it’s not quite like jerking himself off. Baekhyun takes advantage of the moment to ease over onto the bed, so that they’re both lying on their sides.

Kyungsoo wraps his hand around Baekhyun’s shaft and jerks until he has a feel for it, then explores a little, trying to ignore the weight of Baekhyun’s eyes on him as he tries to gauge Baekhyun’s reactions.

That turns out to be easy enough. He runs his thumb up under the head, and Baekhyun makes another soft little almost-moan. He mewls when Kyungsoo’s thumb presses lightly into the tip, full-on groans when Kyungsoo reaches down to cup his balls.

Then he reaches out and wraps his hand around Kyungsoo’s dick, and it’s Kyungsoo’s turn to gasp. He loses focus on his own hand for a minute, distracted by the slick pressure on his own dick. 

When he realizes that he’s closed his eyes and opens them again, Baekhyun is grinning at him.

“You were getting way too cocky,” he says.

Kyungsoo starts stroking Baekhyun’s dick again, and his mouth freezes half-open on a moan, his head dropping down onto the pillow. He looks at Kyungsoo with his eyes barely open, eyebrows furrowed, and it’s probably the hottest thing Kyungsoo has ever seen.

It takes a little while to get the hang of jerking someone else off while he’s being jerked off himself. It doesn’t really help that Kyungsoo lets out a startled moan when Baekhyun’s fingers first explore the head of his dick, whereupon Baekhyun bites his lip and does it repeatedly, clearly enjoying Kyungsoo’s responses.

Baekhyun’s hands aren’t entirely soft, and his guitar calluses occasionally catch enough on Kyungsoo’s skin to get his attention. It’s at one of those times that he finally looks down and sees Baekhyun’s slender fingers wrapped around his dick, jerking him off.

A bead of precome wells up on the tip, and Baekhyun wipes it away with his thumb.

The sight sends that electric feeling right back to Kyungsoo’s dick. He plants his face in the pillow and has an embarrassingly intense orgasm, letting out an equally embarrassingly loud groan in the process.

Baekhyun lets up the pressure and strokes him gently through it. Kyungsoo keeps his face in the pillow for a moment after it fades.

When he peeks up, Baekhyun is smiling at him. He waves his lube- and come-coated fingers in Kyungsoo’s face with a twinkle in his eyes, and Kyungsoo scrunches his nose.

“That’s gross.”

Baekhyun curls his lip and wipes the hand on Kyungsoo’s stomach. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

Then he remembers that his hand is still on Baekhyun’s dick, and Baekhyun hasn’t gotten off yet. He goes back to stroking it, reaching with his other hand to fondle Baekhyun’s balls. Baekhyun yelps and squirms, flopping onto his back.

When Kyungsoo quickens his pace, Baekhyun’s clean hand drifts to his mouth. He bites down on one of his knuckles and makes breathy noises around it. It doesn’t look very comfortable, but the image will definitely work its way into Kyungsoo’s jerkoff fantasies for some time to come.

Kyungsoo plants his lips experimentally on Baekhyun’s neck, leaving gentle little kisses, and Baekhyun’s moaning gets louder.

“You can—“ Baekhyun drags in a breath. “You can use your teeth there.”

Kyungsoo does, running his teeth gently over the skin.

“Harder.”

Kyungsoo bites Baekhyun, not so hard that he thinks it would be painful, but solidly. Baekhyun keens and jerks up into Kyungsoo’s hand.

“Fuck, that’s good,” he says. 

The hand that had been in his mouth slips into Kyungsoo’s hair. He makes his way down Baekhyun’s neck, kissing and biting absentmindedly as he keeps stroking Baekhyun’s cock. 

He works his fingers around the head at the same time that he takes a particularly firm bite, and Baekhyun wails and comes. 

Warm pulses of come land on Kyungsoo’s hand as he keeps stroking through Baekhyun’s orgasm, feeling Baekhyun’s body tense and release next to his. He pulls back when it’s almost over to catch Baekhyun’s face as he comes down. 

Baekhyun’s eyes are shut, his hair ringing his head on the pillow. His chest rises and falls sharply with his harsh breathing. He’s gorgeous.

Eventually he relaxes back into the bed, and his eyes open.

Kyungsoo pulls up his messy hand and looks at it. His face must be funny, because Baekhyun laughs.

“You get used to it,” he says.

Kyungsoo grimaces and rolls into a sitting position to get off the bed.

“Hey, where are you going?” Baekhyun says. 

“To wash my hands!”

“Well, get back here when you’re done. I’m not through with you.”

Does he mean more sex? Kyungsoo doesn’t respond right away. He sorts through how he’d feel about more sex as he washes his hands and decides he’s had enough adventure for one day. 

He walks back to the bedroom, gearing up to say no, but Baekhyun looks half asleep under the blankets. He pats the bed next to him.

“After sex comes cuddles,” he says. “You’re contractually obligated as my husband to provide them.”

“I’ve never heard that,” Kyungsoo says.

He crawls under the blankets anyway, and Baekhyun squirms up along his side and throws an arm over him.

They’re really just lying next to each other with Baekhyun’s arm over Kyungsoo’s chest, but it’s still a whole lot of skin on skin contact. Baekhyun is warm, his skin a little bit tacky from sweat. His breath brushes Kyungsoo’s shoulder in warm puffs.

Those puffs even out quickly into what Kyungsoo recognizes as the rhythm of Baekhyun’s breathing when he’s asleep, but Kyungsoo stays wide awake for a long time after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments! Or come say hi on [tumblr](https://failonade.tumblr.com/)!


	7. Chapter 7

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo waves without looking up from his computer, recognizing in the back of his mind that he’d heard the front door open and close a second ago. 

He’s in the middle of troubleshooting a program that isn’t doing what it’s supposed to do, and he’s just had an idea about what might be wrong with his code. He can hardly keep it in his head long enough to change it, so he doesn’t want to mess up his thought process by talking.

With the change made, he disconnects the little robot he’d spent his whole first day of spring break building from his computer and crouches down to set it on the floor. When Mongryong comes over to investigate, Kyungsoo grabs his collar to keep him from going after the robot. He pushes the button to make it go, deliberately pointing it at a wall. 

It rolls a few feet, gets to the point where it should pick up from its sensor that the wall is too close and turn left, and keeps going straight. Mongryong barks. The robot runs head first into the wall, making a loud whine as its wheels spin uselessly to propel it forward.

Kyungsoo groans and collapses onto his back, fingers tightening into claws in frustration. He stamps his feet against the floor a few times. 

He hears feet on the loft stairs, then Baekhyun laughing, and then the source of the sound appears in his field of vision. Baekhyun kneels next to him and kisses his cheek.

“Has anybody ever told you that sometimes you’re really cute when you’re mad?” He asks.

“I’m not mad,” Kyungsoo says. “I’m just frustrated.”

“Okay, frustrated,” Baekhyun says. 

His lips are pressed out in a smile he’s not making much effort to hide. Kyungsoo tugs his shoulder and pulls him down for a proper kiss.

Baekhyun hums happily against his lips and puts an arm on the floor on the other side of Kyungsoo’s body to support himself.

“Did you eat dinner?” He asks the next time they separate.

“Not yet,” Kyungsoo says.

“If I go get Chipotle, will you blow me?”

“I’d blow you anyway.”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows tick upward.

“Okay, if I go get Chipotle, will you fuck me?”

“I’d do that anyway, too,” Kyungsoo says.

“Will that still be true when you find out Mongryong is eating your robot?”

“Fuck.”

Kyungsoo sits up and crawls across the floor to his robot. Baekhyun calls Mongryong to him, and Mongryong drops the robot in favor of Baekhyun’s attention.

Kyungsoo scoops up the robot and examines it. There are some dents in the plastic case, but that’s why he’d purchased one with a case. He sets it carefully on the counter and surveys the mess of tools on the table. 

“You’re not mad?” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo shakes his head.

“If I was really worried about Mongryong eating it, I would’ve tested it in the bedroom,” he says.

He sets the robot on the table, then sets all the tools back into their rightful spots and closes the toolbox. Then he walks back toward Baekhyun. 

“You’re not going to fix whatever was wrong with it?” Baekhyun asks.

“I’ll get back to it tomorrow,” Kyungsoo says.

Usually, if he’s at the point of making poorly conceptualized guesses about why his code isn’t working, it’s a sign that it’s time to take a break. That lends well to what he wants to do right now, which is to go back to kissing Baekhyun. Kissing Baekhyun had been a nice distraction from his struggles with the robot.

He walks up to Baekhyun, who grins. His eyes go down to Kyungsoo’s lips in a gesture that’s familiar by now. Kyungsoo kisses him, and Baekhyun takes hold of his hips to pull him closer. 

Mongryong barks and wiggles his way between their legs. They break apart laughing.

“Bedroom?” Baekhyun asks.

“Bedroom,” Kyungsoo says.

They’ve both got their pants open and shirts off when Kyungsoo finally comes out with a proposition he’s been considering for at least a week.

“Can I top?” He asks.

Baekhyun’s eyes light up. 

“Fucking finally,” he says. “I’ve been waiting for you to want that for ages.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

They’ve done it the other way around plenty of times, now. Baekhyun had seemed fine with doing all of the topping. 

“I didn’t want to pressure you,” Baekhyun says. “It’s no fun if you don’t want it.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun surges up to kiss him again. In the face of his enthusiasm, it’s easy for Kyungsoo to let the nagging thoughts about Baekhyun keeping things from him drift away. He can wonder later if Baekhyun hasn’t been enjoying the sex as much as he acts like he does.

He tugs Baekhyun’s open pants, along with his underwear, down his legs and off, pausing momentarily to plant a kiss on his soft tummy, just below his belly button. He brings his teeth out to keep it sexy, but really, he’s just fond of that tummy.

He takes the lube and a condom out of the nightstand and coats his fingers with the lube, and Baekhyun spreads his own legs and loops an arm around one to tug it up in the air. When Kyungsoo looks back at him, he bites his lip and looks at Kyungsoo through half-lidded eyes.

It’s hot, but it’s more intense than Kyungsoo can handle and also a little ridiculous. He snickers and swats Baekhyun’s thigh, and Baekhyun’s sultry look dissolves into a grin, then a laugh.

But when the laughing is done, there’s no more putting off what he’s been wanting to do for so long that he’s built up a fear of actually doing it. Kyungsoo lines up a finger with Baekhyun’s hole, traces it gently for warning and then pushes it in before he loses his nerve, referring to the combined knowledge of things Baekhyun has done to him and things the internet said to do for guidance.

“It’s really happening,” Baekhyun says. “Oh shit.”

He sounds nervous, but he scrunches his nose and giggles when Kyungsoo looks at him. Kyungsoo cracks up again.

“Can you stop joking around?” He says, knowing that his smile makes it obvious he doesn’t mean it.

“No,” Baekhyun says. 

Kyungsoo slides the finger in and out, getting used to the feeling—mostly just weird, warm, and impossibly tight. He’s not grossed out like he worried he might be. 

After a while he starts to run into a couple problems: firstly, when to add another finger and secondly, how to find Baekhyun’s prostate. Unlike when he’s cooking, he can hardly open a YouTube video on his phone and keep pausing to refer back to it.

The mental image of himself with his phone in one hand while the fingers of his other hand are up Baekhyun’s ass makes him giggle.

“What?” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo explains, and Baekhyun laughs outright. 

“You can add another finger now,” he says when he gets his breath back. “You could have done it a while ago. I’ve been taking it slow with you because you’re not used to it, but I’ve done this a lot.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

The thought of asking Baekhyun hadn’t crossed his mind. He lines up his second finger, feeling dumb. 

He watches Baekhyun’s body swallow up two of his fingers, and somehow that’s what brings the sexuality of the situation back to the forefront of his mind. A rush of blood heads to his dick.

“How do I…?” He asks after a moment.

Baekhyun looks at him in confusion for at most half a second before he gets where Kyungsoo was headed with the question.

“Curl your fingers up a bit,” he says. “Then move them back toward you a bit, it’s not that—“ 

His breath hitches when Kyungsoo hits a certain spot, and Kyungsoo knows he’s found it. He rubs it again, and Baekhyun moans.

“That was it,” Baekhyun says a moment later, when Kyungsoo lets up off of it. “In case you weren’t sure.”

“What was?” Kyungsoo asks.

He moves his fingers around deliberately in the wrong direction for a moment.

“Back a bit,” Baekhyun says.

“Ohhh, this?” Kyungsoo says, pressing up onto the spot again.

Baekhyun moans and presses his hips against Kyungsoo’s hand. A little drop of precome beads up on the head of his dick.

Kyungsoo keeps working his fingers in and out for a while. He plays with Baekhyun’s prostate maybe a little bit too much, half because the undisputable, probably involuntary signs that Baekhyun gives that he’s enjoying it—twitches of his hips, moans, stuffing his knuckles in his mouth—go a long way toward quieting Kyungsoo’s fears that he might be disproportionately attracted.

Baekhyun, for his part, doesn’t seem to dislike the teasing at all, even though Kyungsoo knows he’d be telling Baekhyun to get on with it by now.

“Can I add another?” He asks after a while.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo works a third finger in, holding still when Baekhyun scrunches his nose and shifts in discomfort. 

“Wow, I guess it’s been a while,” he says. “Normally that would be easier.”

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says.

“The only thing you should be sorry about is that you’re not moving those fingers,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo snorts and moves them. 

This time, Baekhyun tells him as soon as he’s ready. Kyungsoo pulls his hand out and then stares down at his dick in dismay.

He’d left the condom sitting in its wrapper, and now his right hand is slimy with lube. Getting the condom wrapper open and the condom onto his dick is going to be hard. 

Baekhyun sees his dilemma and giggles.

“Pass me the condom and get up here,” he says.

He tears the wrapper open and rolls the condom expertly onto Kyungsoo’s dick. Then he slides his mouth over it and sucks gently, batting his eyelashes up at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo gasps.

“Stop that,” he says. “Or I won’t last long enough to get my dick up your ass.”

Baekhyun lets Kyungsoo’s dick slide out of his mouth and drops his head right back onto the pillow.

“We can’t have that,” he says.

There’s an added level of intensity to it when Kyungsoo positions himself between Baekhyun’s legs with the knowledge that he’s about to fuck Baekhyun. Baekhyun wraps his legs around Kyungsoo’s hips and bites his lip, but this time it looks more nervous than sultry.

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asks.

Baekhyun nods.

“Do it.”

Kyungsoo lines up his cock with Baekhyun’s ass and fumbles his way through pushing inside. He’s not entirely sure how his dick ever makes it in, but he’s promptly too overwhelmed to care. 

It feels amazing, more instantly pleasant than being on the other end had been the first time. It’s hot and tight, and it’s _Baekhyun_. He has to hold still and close his eyes for a moment so that the sight of Baekhyun tipping his head back and moaning, on top of everything else, doesn’t make him come on the spot. 

Baekhyun’s fingers squeeze painfully into his upper arms. 

“Move,” he says after a few moments.

Kyungsoo moves his hips back cautiously, feeling inexperienced and uncoordinated. He slides back in, then out again, trying to get a feel for what he’s doing. He can’t read Baekhyun’s expression at all, but he’s lying still and quiet. The only signs that he’s paying attention to what’s going on are his hard dick and his eyes locked on Kyungsoo’s.

Once he’s figured out the general motion of things, Kyungsoo tries to figure out how to hit Baekhyun’s prostate. He shifts around to get his dick to rub against what should be the right direction and stifles a smile when Baekhyun yelps.

“There,” Baekhyun says. “Right there. Fuck. Go harder.”

Kyungsoo would’ve had a hard time not going harder, if that had been what Baekhyun wanted. The sight of Baekhyun’s body jolting because of something he did sends a corresponding flush of pleasure through his own body that doesn’t quite go away. After a little while of that, one of Baekhyun’s knuckles goes into his mouth again, in that weird thing he does when he’s really turned on, and he moans, and Kyungsoo realizes that he, himself, is far too close to coming.

He takes Baekhyun’s other hand and sets it on his neglected dick, because there’s no way Kyungsoo can coordinate himself enough to jack Baekhyun off while fucking him.

He makes it another few thrusts and comes with a quiet grunt, feeling embarrassed about coming so quickly but helpless to stop it. Baekhyun keeps stroking himself as Kyungsoo’s hips stutter to a stop. 

Kyungsoo pulls out, feeling gross, and puts a hand on Baekhyun’s to stop it. Baekhyun gives him a quizzical look.

“I’ll deal with that,” Kyungsoo says, pointing at Baekhyun’s dick. “Just let me…”

He gestures at his own dick and makes a disgusted face meant to sum up the feeling of having a condom holding his own semen against him. Baekhyun giggles. 

Kyungsoo fumbles the condom off and gets it into the trash, then comes back and thinks. There’s still some lube on his right hand, but he’s not sure it’s enough. He retrieves the lube and pours some into his hand, then smears some onto his left hand just in case he’s being too ambitious about his coordination.

Baekhyun’s eyes light up again. 

Kyungsoo settles back between his thighs and pushes two fingers back into him. Baekhyun groans. When he’s got the hang of massaging Baekhyun’s prostate again, Kyungsoo gently wraps his other hand around Baekhyun’s dick and licks the head. Baekhyun wails.

Kyungsoo is incredibly sloppy, and after the fact he’ll realize that he spent the whole time stimulating the sensitive head of Baekhyun’s dick and his prostate simultaneously, which would be way more stimulation than he could handle himself. But Baekhyun seems to love it, tangling a hand in Kyungsoo’s hair and keening repeatedly, his thighs clamping around Kyungsoo’s shoulders. 

He comes half in Kyungsoo’s mouth and half on it, and Kyungsoo waits until his body sags back into the bed before sitting up, swallowing what’s in his mouth—it tastes gross, but he’s getting used to it. Baekhyun tugs him up the bed and laps the mess from his lips like it actually tastes good, then kisses him.

His hand finds Kyungsoo’s dick, and he giggles. 

“You’re hard again,” he says.

“Yep,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun sidles down his body, and now that Kyungsoo is used to the give and take of sex, he’s calm enough in these situations to find the sight of Baekhyun sucking his cock really, really hot. 

“I never did get dinner,” Baekhyun says later.

Kyungsoo’s stomach growls. He looks up from where he’s got his head pillowed on Baekhyun’s chest.

“I don’t have the energy to go out,” he says.

“Me neither,” Baekhyun says. “Pizza or Easy Mac? Or Chinese?”

“Chinese,” Kyungsoo says.

It takes them another ten minutes to get out of bed, and then Kyungsoo calls to make the order while Baekhyun showers, taking his own turn in the shower afterward.

It’s during the few minutes after he hangs up the phone and before Baekhyun gets out of the shower that it sinks in again, like it often does lately, that this isn’t real.

Baekhyun seems to enjoy the sex, ignoring the possibility that he’s pretending to, and he also seems to like Kyungsoo well enough, at least as a fuck buddy. Whether he would choose to be with Kyungsoo if he could get away with having sex with anyone else is another question entirely. He’s also made it clear that he doesn’t want a real relationship with anyone right now.

Meanwhile, if he could, Kyungsoo might keep the thing they have going forever.

That’s what’s on his mind when Baekhyun comes out of the bathroom and kisses him on the cheek.

“Shower’s ready,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo nods and walks off. He spends so long in the shower that Baekhyun is halfway through his meal with Kyungsoo gets out.

“Hurry up and eat,” Baekhyun says. “The food’s getting cold.”

Kyungsoo nods and grabs a plate. 

“Why not ask Chanyeol for help with the robot?” Baekhyun asks through a mouthful of fried rice. “Chanyeol loves robots.”

“It’s a programming problem,” Kyungsoo says. “Chanyeol’s a hardware guy.”

“He knows some programming,” Baekhyun says. “Why are you building it, anyway?”

“I’m supposed to do a robotics project with Chanyeol and Sehun next year, but I don’t know anything about the hardware side of robots,” Kyungsoo says. “I wanted to figure those out so I don’t look too dumb.”

“Chanyeol won’t think you’re dumb,” Baekhyun says. “Didn’t you just say the hardware thing is his job?”

“Yeah, but,” Kyungsoo says. 

He trails off. Here he is with the social anxiety thing again.

“Do you think people are dumb when they don’t know something, even if they’ve never studied it before?” Baekhyun asks. “Like kids who take an intro to computer science class who don’t know anything about computers?”

Kyungsoo grimaces.

When he has to stop and think about it, he does. Maybe that’s not good.

Baekhyun’s eyebrows go up.

“Well, there’s your problem,” he says. “Stop thinking stuff like that.”

 

\-------------------

 

Chanyeol’s house is a blue wooden one in Newton. It’s not huge, but it’s close enough to the city that it probably wasn’t cheap. Kyungsoo has a hard time approaching the door to knock, but he knows Chanyeol is expecting him. It’s a weekday, so Chanyeol is probably the only person even home.

That prediction turns out to be mostly correct. Chanyeol greets him with the wide-eyed grin that never seems far from his face and leads him right to the basement. He doesn’t ask if Kyungsoo wants anything to drink. It sucks, because Kyungsoo is parched.

The basement has a concrete floor and a couple of old couches sitting on a large rug in one corner. There are several robots on one side of the room, along with a toolbox. Sehun is sitting on one of the couches with a laptop. He waves at Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol grabs the toolbox and carries it to the edge of the rug. He takes the robot from Kyungsoo’s hands and sits down with it.

“Nice tooth marks,” Sehun says, looking at the robot over Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“Mongryong got it,” Kyungsoo says.

Chanyeol laughs clear and loud, even though it wasn’t that funny. Chanyeol seems to find everything funny.

Chanyeol examines the robot’s case, running the tool that looks like a guitar pick—Kyungsoo has used them but never learned their name—through the crack between pieces until it hits the hidden latch that holds it closed. He pries the latch off and peeks inside, nudging some wiring around. 

“It looks good here,” Chanyeol says after a while. “Let me look at your program.”

His voice booms louder than Kyungsoo would ever speak inside a house, but after Kyungsoo winces he remembers that there’s nobody else there.

Chanyeol sets the robot down and opens a laptop that had been sitting on one of the couches, downloading the file Kyungsoo had sent over containing the code to make the robot run and opening it in the Arduino IDE.

He scans it for a while.

“Um,” he says. “Did you mean for this to be equals or equals equals?”

He points at the screen. Kyungsoo leans over and peers at the spot he’s pointing at, with Sehun looking over his shoulder. Then Kyungsoo rolls face down on the floor and groans.

“Fuck,” he says.

“Oh shit,” Sehun says. “I hate when that happens.”

Chanyeol types the missing extra equals sign into the program. He picks up the robot and looks at the placement of a wire and then back at the screen, then at another wire, repeating the process for a while. Eventually he nods and unwinds the cable to plug the robot into the computer.

“Everything’s going to the right place,” he says. “I bet it was just that comparison failing.”

He sets the robot on the floor and pushes the button. It rolls off across the basement. When it approaches a wall, it turns left and keeps going.

Kyungsoo makes a tiny fist pump, and Chanyeol and Sehun both cheer.

“High five,” Chanyeol says, holding his hand up.

Kyungsoo reaches up and high fives him. The force of Chanyeol’s hand hitting his stings his palm.

“Now can we get pizza?” Chanyeol asks. “I’m hungry.”

They order delivery and eat it on the old couches in the basement with the added company of Baekhyun, Jongin, and Jongdae, who show up about five minutes before the pizza.

Baekhyun sits so close to Kyungsoo on the couch that their bodies touch from shoulder to knee.

“If you’re gonna be here over the summer we should work on robots together,” Chanyeol says to Kyungsoo.

“That would be good,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t really get what’s going on with all the parts.”

He’s blushing from a combination of embarrassment about his own knowledge, which is easy enough to reason his way out of, and uncertainty about Baekhyun’s public display of affection, which only gets more distressing the longer he thinks about it. Jongdae keeps flashing them looks, too. Jongdae’s face is kind of scary sometimes.

“I can help you!” Chanyeol says.

He’s got a big grin on his face. It doesn’t seem to bother him at all that he’s got a computer scientist on his MASLAB team who uses the wrong operator in a program and doesn’t notice. 

“What about you, Sehun?” Chanyeol asks. “Are you going to be here?”

“Nope, I’m going home,” Sehun says. “I’m gonna bake in the California sun all summer.”

“Is Junmyeon staying or going home?” Kyungsoo asks. 

Chanyeol shrugs and frowns at his pizza.

“I don’t know,” he says. “We broke up.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” Chanyeol says. “Anyway, last I heard he was applying to Peace Corps positions. He could end up anywhere.”

“Oh,” he says again, in response to Chanyeol.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol says. 

It’s even harder than usual for Kyungsoo to think of an appropriate thing to say next, because his brain just goes to Baekhyun. There’s no breaking up for them. If Kyungsoo were to tell Baekhyun he had feelings, and it turned out Baekhyun didn’t, Kyungsoo would still have to see him every day for almost two and a half years.

“Speaking of boyfriends, did you ever get one?” Baekhyun says to Sehun.

Kyungsoo vaguely remembers Sehun saying he wanted one, at their Christmas party.

Sehun shrugs.

“I did, but we broke up,” he says.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Jongdae says.

“Nah, we only dated for like a month,” Sehun says. “I dunno. I think I might be asexual.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol says. “That’s cool.”

“Um,” Jongin says. “I guess, while we’re having coming out time, I’m, um, genderqueer.”

It’s the first time Jongin has spoken to anyone but Sehun since he arrived. He looks kind of tense. That makes Kyungsoo feel calmer—he’s not the most anxious person in the room, for once.

“So what pronouns should we use?” Kyungsoo asks.

The phrasing feels awkward, but Jongin’s shoulders loosen a little.

“They/them,” he says.

“Cool,” Chanyeol says.

“Speaking of coming outs,” Baekhyun says. “I’m actually bi.”

Chanyeol spits out his pizza, but Jongdae hardly reacts. The other two look from Chanyeol to Baekhyun with eyebrows twisted upward in confusion.

“How—“ Chanyeol says. “Wha? Wait…”

He blinks at Baekhyun with huge eyes. 

“Wait,” he says again. “But then why not like, not marry Kyungsoo? You could like, tell your parents you’re straight after all and just date girls.”

His mouth twists.

“Wait, no,” he says. “You always get those giant crushes.” 

“Something like that,” Baekhyun says.

The room falls silent, and the silence stretches toward awkwardness. Kyungsoo’s hands are too greasy to consult his phone for the list of topics he’d written up to talk about in case of a situation like this. A joke would be great to shift the mood away from awkward topics, but even if he had one that tied in to the topic of conversation, it would be too late to say it now. And he doesn’t have one. 

Baekhyun, who’d slouched half behind Kyungsoo on the couch right before his announcement, suddenly leans forward and takes a bite from the slice of pizza in Kyungsoo’s hand.

“What the hell?” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun leans against Kyungsoo’s shoulder and chews loudly. He smirks up at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo shoves him off. Baekhyun flops back against the arm of the couch and keeps chewing, grinning at Kyungsoo when he’s done.

There’s a streak of pizza sauce on his chin, and his lips are red from it. Kyungsoo wants to kiss them. 

“Get your own pizza,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun scrunches his nose but gets up anyway.

“You’re so fucking weird,” Chanyeol says. 

“Says the guy who spends his spring break building robots in his basement,” Baekhyun says.

“Kyungsoo does that, too,” Chanyeol says.

Baekhyun turns to look back at them with his mouth caught in a slight grimace that leaves his lower teeth visible. He hesitates a beat too long—he’s not comfortable saying it, and that makes Kyungsoo feel conflicted. He’s disappointed and a little jealous that Baekhyun isn’t comfortable teasing him like that, but at the same time, he’d felt a pang of fear when he’d thought Baekhyun might call him weird, too.

He doesn’t want Baekhyun to think he’s weird.

“Oh, I get it,” Chanyeol says. “It’s weird when I do it, but when your cute husband does it, it’s not so weird.”

“Bingo,” Baekhyun says. “Everything you do is weird.”

 

\-------------------

 

“Hey, can we stop at the grocery store?” Baekhyun asks on the drive home. “I need toothpaste.”

Kyungsoo nods. 

They end up going to a Target near their apartment. When they get out of the car, Baekhyun holds his hand out for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo takes it but frowns. He looks around.

“You know, I haven’t seen the paparazzi guy in a long time,” he says. 

It’s the last week of March, and the last time he saw the man was probably early February. 

“Me neither,” Baekhyun says.

“So do we need to keep doing this?” Kyungsoo lifts their joined hands.

“Better safe than sorry,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and looks away, so he doesn’t notice Baekhyun coming in to kiss his cheek until he feels lips there. The scowl he shoots at Baekhyun only makes Baekhyun grin harder.

That glimpse of Baekhyun’s pointy smile full of pointy teeth makes Kyungsoo feel all cozy inside. 

‘Giant crushes,’ Chanyeol had said. Kyungsoo wonders what Baekhyun’s giant crushes are like, and if there’s a way to tell if Baekhyun has one on him.

“By the way,” Kyungsoo says. “Do you mind your friends knowing about us messing around?”

The language is awkward again. He cringes.

“Are you going to tell them?” Baekhyun asks, eyebrows raised.

Kyungsoo’s mind goes to Minseok, who might possibly pass on what he knows to Jongdae. He forcibly brushes aside the pang of guilt. Minseok is the only person he has to confide in about things related to this marriage—everyone else who knows anything about it, aside from the therapist and maybe Sehun, is more Baekhyun’s friend than his own.

“No, but the way you were acting back there was kind of obvious,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, whatever,” Baekhyun says. “Jongdae already knows, anyway.”

“Oh.”

“I didn’t tell Chanyeol because I wasn’t sure you’d want me to. He’s not good at keeping secrets.”

Kyungsoo snickers. 

“So let’s not worry about it if they find out,” Baekhyun says. “Unless it bugs you?”

“No, it’s okay,” Kyungsoo says.

 

\------------

 

“How are things with your husband?” Dr. Elison asks.

“They’re okay,” Kyungsoo says. He scratches his nose. He starts to blush.

“You don’t sound too sure of that,” Dr. Elison says.

“We started sleeping together.”

Dr. Elison’s eyebrows twitch upward. Kyungsoo starts to recoil.

It doesn’t matter if she judges him, he tells himself. The secret has been itching to come out. 

In some ways, it’s harder than being in the closet, the only other big secret in his life. Lots of people are gay. There was plenty of advice on the internet for getting himself used to the idea. There was advice for coming out. He didn’t need to talk to anyone about it to get help.

This thing with Baekhyun is different. There’s no advice for it on the internet. He needs to talk about it with someone, and the therapist, whose opinion of him is less important to him than his friends’, is the easy answer. He hasn’t told Minseok, yet.

“I see,” Dr. Elison says. “Does that bother you?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says. He rushes to correct himself, “I mean, not the sex. But we’re not doing anything else.”

That doesn’t sound right.

“Anything else like what?”

“Like dating,” Kyungsoo says. “We’re not in a relationship.”

“And that bothers you?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I think I want to date him,” Kyungsoo says.

“Have you told him that?” Dr. Elison asks.

“No,” Kyungsoo says.

“Why not?”

“It could make things awkward if he doesn’t want to.”

“But aren’t they already awkward?” Dr. Elison says. “You said it was bothering you that you’re having sex but not in a relationship.”

She’s right, but it just makes Kyungsoo want to curl up and hide.

The thing with therapy is that it involves a whole lot of confronting himself, and Kyungsoo doesn’t always like it.

“It is,” Kyungsoo says. “But if he turns me down, we’re still roommates.”

“But at least then you won’t be having sex.”

“But I’ll still be living with him. I’d still have to see him.”

“And why does that bother you?”

Kyungsoo tries not to stare at her. Isn’t it obvious? He’d be living with someone who’d rejected him. His stomach roils just thinking about it.

“Because it would hurt.”

“Would it hurt more than it hurts now?”

“Yeah.”

“Why is that?”

The words are hard to find.

“Because then he’d know,” Kyungsoo says. “Um, that I like him. And I’d still have to see him every day.”

Dr. Elison’s eyebrows creep up again. That wasn’t what she was expecting him to say, maybe. It might not even be the whole truth. The reasoning behind his feelings isn’t always easy to identify.

“It bothers you that he would know that you like him,” Dr. Elison says. 

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. “It might make him uncomfortable.”

“But you’re uncomfortable now, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. A little.” 

“But you’d rather continue to be uncomfortable than risk a chance of making him uncomfortable, even if there’s also a chance that he returns your feelings?”

It’s not quite accurate, and Kyungsoo wants to scream. He can’t get through all of this if he can’t put his finger on what’s scaring him so much about it. He just really doesn’t want to tell Baekhyun, and he knows that’s a problem.

 

\-------------------

 

Baekhyun is playing the piano. The song is a Korean one that Kyungsoo only knows from hearing Baekhyun play it, the occasional English lyrics being things like, “the answer is you.” He doesn’t hear Kyungsoo come in over the sound of the piano and his own voice, and Kyungsoo takes advantage of that fact to stand and watch him from the side. 

Sometimes Baekhyun gets serious when he plays the piano in a way that he never otherwise gets, at least around Kyungsoo. His fingers may look spidery and fragile, but from the way he hits the keys it’s clear that they’re plenty strong. 

Kyungsoo’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He startles and pulls it out to look at it—his mother only calls on Sundays, and it’s not Sunday.

The name that appears on his phone is Father, not Mother, though. Kyungsoo rushes to answer, starting to worry as he does. Father never calls, and Mother is still in Haiti, so it’s not her using Father’s phone.

“Hello?” He says, walking back to the bedroom.

“Kyungsoo,” Father says. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Kyungsoo says. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Father says. “You remember the Songs, right?”

“Victoria’s parents?” Kyungsoo says.

“Yes, them,” Father says. “I was speaking to them, and it turns out Mr. Song’s company’s got some openings for internships this summer. He said he’d be happy to take you on, if you want it.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “Um, is it in California?”

“Yes, you could commute from home if you wanted,” Father says. “But we’d be happy to rent you and Baekhyun a place if you want.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. 

He’s suddenly very frustrated—here’s a way around needing references for an internship, but he’d have to drag Baekhyun away from his friends all summer. He can’t do that. 

“Talk to Baekhyun about it,” Father says. “See what he says. He might not want to spend the summer out here in the heat.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. “I’ll talk to him.”

“By the way, your mother and I are thinking about coming out to visit when you’re done with classes,” Father says. “The Byuns have a vacation house on Martha’s Vineyard. They’ve invited us all out for a week or two”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says. 

A whole week or two with his parents and Baekhyun’s. That’ll be amazing.

When he hangs up the phone, he notices that Baekhyun has switched over to Maroon 5’s “Sunday Morning.” He looks at Kyungsoo with an oddly smug come hither face, with his lips quirked somewhere between a suggestive smile and a smirk. Like he’s sexy and he knows it. He might be less aware that he’s cuter than he is sexy, but he manages both at once pretty well. 

Kyungsoo’s heart clenches. 

He starts singing along, and Baekhyun drops off in favor of playing. 

Kyungsoo sidles up behind him and traces his fingers up the back of Baekhyun’s neck. He smiles when Baekhyun’s hands stumble.

Baekhyun stops playing and pouts up at him. Kyungsoo runs his fingers up and down until Baekhyun shudders and grabs his hand.

He bites his lip and looks up at Kyungsoo, but it’s a guilty expression, not sexual.

“I got some news today,” he says.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, you know how I was applying to music festivals for the summer?”

Kyungsoo nods. He’d had to ask what music festivals were when it became apparent that Baekhyun wasn’t talking about things like Coachella.

“Well, I got accepted to one today,” Baekhyun says. “A really, really good one.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Kyungsoo says. “You don’t sound that happy about it.”

“I am!” Baekhyun says. “But it’s in Vermont for a month.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “Would you be in a dorm?”

“They put students up in inns,” Baekhyun says. “I can’t take you with me.”

“That’s okay,” Kyungsoo says. “I’m sure we can get our parents to let you go.”

“It doesn’t bother you?” Baekhyun asks.

“No.”

“Even though I told you to stay in Boston for the summer? I’ll be leaving you alone for a month.”

Kyungsoo shrugs. It’s a lonely thought, but it’s just a month. He’ll still get to hang around with Chanyeol, too, which is more than he’s got going for him at home.

On the other hand, now he’s got a plausible excuse to take up the internship offer in California without having to drag Baekhyun with him. He stifles a sigh at a decision suddenly needing reexamining.

“By the way, my father just said he and my mother are coming to visit when the term ends,” Kyungsoo says. “We’re all going to stay at your parents’ house in Martha’s Vineyard.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widen.

“Um, I went ahead and said yes,” Kyungsoo says. “I hope that’s okay?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “I don’t think they’re expecting a no.”

His mouth stretches out into a thin line. 

“My parents are probably just doing this to make it look like they haven’t been shitty to me,” he says.

Kyungsoo shrugs uncomfortably. He doesn’t know why Baekhyun’s parents agreed.

“But they gave you the piano,” he says. “And your guitars back.”

Baekhyun glares down at the keys.

“Yeah, they did,” he says. “I don’t know. I thought maybe it meant they wanted to work on things, but they haven’t called me. Why am I finding out about the trip from your parents?”

Kyungsoo shrugs again. He wants to hug Baekhyun, but he’s not so sure if it would be welcome. 

“What do you want for dinner?” He asks instead.

 

\-------------------

 

Kyungsoo looks up from his computer and stares at a bookcase. He’s been staring at his screen for so long that his eyes don’t want to focus on anything more than a couple feet away from his face. 

“No offense, Kyungsoo,” a voice hisses. “But you look awful.”

It takes a moment for Kyungsoo to find the location of the voice. He tries to focus on Minseok’s face, realizing that he’s sitting across the table with a textbook open in front of him like he’s been there for a while. Kyungsoo hadn’t noticed him sitting down.

Kyungsoo blinks at Minseok.

“Um,” he says. “I do?”

“Deadline?” Minseok asks.

Kyungsoo shakes his head.

“Not for another week,” he says. 

Minseok’s eyebrows slide up his forehead.

“Then are you sick?”

A student at the other end of the table shoots them a look and then glances pointedly at the _Quiet Zone_ sign on the table. Minseok purses his lips.

“Coffee?” Kyungsoo suggests. 

It’s a spur of the moment thought, but it still takes effort to get out. If Minseok turns him down, it’s probably because he’s busy, not because he doesn’t really want to spend time with Kyungsoo, he tells himself. 

Minseok grins.

“Sure.”

Kyungsoo shuts down his laptop and closes it. The truth is that he’s been done with the project he was working on for over a week, and now he’s just adding needlessly complex finishing touches, just to see if he can do them. He has a backup of the project stored safely under a different file name in two places in case he fucks the whole thing up.

When he tucks the laptop into his bag and stands up, Minseok follows.

It’s late enough in the evening that the coffee shop isn’t crowded. Kyungsoo orders decaf—he hardly slept last night, and he doesn’t want to risk that again.

Minseok orders a latte.

“Did something happen with Baekhyun?” Minseok asks.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says.

Minseok raises his eyebrows.

“Um, kind of,” Kyungsoo amends. He ends up spilling the rough details of their decision to sleep together, watching his drink so that he doesn’t have to see Minseok’s face.

“How long has it been?” Minseok asks.

“A month or two,” Kyungsoo says.

More like a solid two months, but he doesn’t want to admit that.

He’s not sure what he expects to get out of Minseok. A different answer than the one the therapist gave? He still hasn’t been able to articulate the real reason he’s afraid to talk to Baekhyun about it.

“And you’re losing sleep over it,” Minseok says.

Kyungsoo nods.

“Is it because you have feelings?”

Kyungsoo nods again.

Minseok grimaces.

“It was a bad idea,” Kyungsoo says.

“Maybe,” Minseok says. “Like you said before, it’s kind of like dating someone from your dorm, though; everyone knows it’s a bad idea, but when you’re around someone you’re attracted to that often, it’s hard to resist.”

Kyungsoo nods.

“Have you tried talking to him?” Minseok asks.

“Why?” Kyungsoo says. “It’s not like he…”

He trails off and winces.

“Not like he likes you back?” Minseok finishes for him.

Right, he’s heard at least part of this before. 

“Why would he?” Kyungsoo says. 

“Why would you like him?” Minseok asks. “Based on what I know about you, I’d expect you to find him exceedingly annoying, but apparently you find him fun.”

“Um,” Kyungsoo says. “Sometimes he is annoying.”

“But other times he isn’t.”

Kyungsoo shrugs. Other times he’s fun or cute. Sometimes he’s cute and annoying at the same time.

“And if you like him despite the odds, why wouldn’t he like you?” Minseok asks. He raises his eyebrows and carries on when it’s clear Kyungsoo isn’t going to answer. “So what will you do?”

Kyungsoo shrugs again. Minseok scrunches his nose and makes a rueful smile. Not as judgmental as Kyungsoo had expected. Now, to figure out how to change the subject.

“Are you staying in Boston for the summer?” Kyungsoo asks. 

Minseok nods.

“I have to get some research done,” he says. “You?”

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo says. He sighs. “My dad found me an internship back home, but I didn’t want to drag Baekhyun away from his friends.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s tough,” Minseok says. “You can’t split up? You were just planning to take a class and do some volunteer work, right?”

Kyungsoo sighs. 

“You can split up, but you don’t want to?”

“I just found out that he’s gonna be gone for a month, anyway,” Kyungsoo says. “So I could get away with it, yeah.”

He hesitates because admitting the rest is pathetic. The word pathetic buzzes around in his head as something he should remember for Dr. Elison.

“Sooo,” Minseok says, when he pauses too long. “You don’t want to?”

“I’d rather stay here with him,” Kyungsoo says. “But I don’t know if I’ll ever get an internship that easily again.”

And would Baekhyun rather stay with Kyungsoo, given the chance, or is Kyungsoo throwing away a good opportunity for himself over feelings that Baekhyun doesn’t even return? The music festival is one thing, because it’s an amazing opportunity, but would he care if Kyungsoo didn’t stay in Boston for the summer? 

“But then I’m also not sure it’s fair to take an internship my dad got for me,” Kyungsoo adds.

There’s too much going on in his head. He can’t keep track of it all.

“All’s fair in love and job hunting,” Minseok says. “Well, it’s really not, but you’re just one cog in a giant, messed up system. Is it going to make that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things that you took advantage of connections to get your foot in the door somewhere?”

“It might make a difference for one person,” Kyungsoo says.

It might also affect the way people he works with view him, if they know he got the position using connections. 

Minseok shrugs.

“That’s true,” he says. “And if you don’t want it that much, then you might as well not do it.”

Kyungsoo nods.

“I really think you should talk to Baekhyun, though,” Minseok says. “Make sure you’re on the same page, you know?”

Kyungsoo nods again and sighs.

He knows he should, but that’s hard.

 

\-------------------

 

“Hey,” Baekhyun shouts up the stairs from the living room. “Your mom texted me asking if we’d decided yet about something. Is she talking about the vacation? I thought we already said yes.”

Kyungsoo hides a grimace at his screen.

“We did,” Kyungsoo says. “Um, I think she means the internship.”

“Internship?”

Feet thump up the stairs to the loft. Kyungsoo watches Baekhyun’s head come into view, then the rest of his body.

“My father’s friend offered me an internship for the summer,” Kyungsoo says. “But it’s in California.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says. “So you’re gonna leave me alone all summer?”

He pouts.

“You’re already going to that music thing,” Kyungsoo says.

“I know,” Baekhyun says. “But that’s just for a month.”

He’s still pouting. Making puppy eyes. It seems to say he wants Kyungsoo to stay.

“I was planning to say no,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t want to spend all summer near my parents.”

Baekhyun pulls a face.

“Yeah, that would suck.”

But then he grins, complete with his nose scrunch. Kyungsoo feels like he’s made the right decision.

“Good, so you’re staying here?” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo nods.

“Can you text your mom so she stops bugging me?”

Kyungsoo sighs and picks up his phone to send the text.

 

\-------------------

 

There are two major differences between their housewarming party and Baekhyun’s twenty-first birthday party.

The first is that Yixing and Minseok take Baekhyun to a bar before the party to get his free birthday drink. 

Jongdae and Chanyeol come over early to help with the setup, but since setting up is just ordering pizza and putting the cake Jongdae brought in the fridge, they end up sitting around playing Mario Kart before the party is technically supposed to start. By the time the bar crowd arrives, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol are destroying Sehun and Jongdae in a battle round. 

Baekhyun lets out an indignant shriek when he finds them having fun at his birthday party without him.

The second major difference between this party and the first is that, rather than being cut off abruptly by a fire, this one dissolves into people dozing off. It being early May, BC is in the study period before final exams, and the MIT students are all working on projects or catching up on readings in preparation for exams a few weeks later. 

Jongin and Yixing are the first offenders, both drifting off when it’s not their turn to play. 

“I’m gonna draw on his face,” Baekhyun says when he nudges Yixing and gets no response.

“He might wake up,” Chanyeol says.

“Nah,” Baekhyun says. “He was probably up dancing all last night.”

He picks up the Sharpie on the coffee table, then frowns and puts it down. He goes to the bathroom and comes back with liquid eyeliner instead. He crouches down on the floor next to Yixing and carefully draws a little sun on his cheek. 

The way he cups Yixing’s face with his hand to hold it still is so casually intimate that Kyungsoo has to look away. 

“Aw, why not Sharpie?” Jongdae says. 

“Some of his finals are performances,” Baekhyun says. “I’m not that mean.”

Yixing’s face twitches under Baekhyun’s hand, but he doesn’t otherwise move.

“Why didn’t you invite Jieun?” Jongdae asks Baekhyun. “I thought she’d be here.”

“Isn’t that the freshman who took my place in the band?” Chanyeol asks.

Jongdae nods.

“I did invite her,” Baekhyun says. “She turned me down. Said she had to study for finals.”

He’s pouting. 

“Aw, that’s too bad,” Jongdae says. “At least you won’t have to spend your birthday hiding your unrequited crush on her, though.”

“Shut up,” Baekhyun says.

“Yep,” Jongdae says. “Big crush.”

“You’d crush on her, too, if you liked girls,” Baekhyun says. “She’s cute and really fucking talented.”

All of a sudden, Kyungsoo’s heart plummets. He’s heard about Jieun, of course, but not that Baekhyun had a crush on her. He gets up to pour himself a drink just to put some distance between himself and the conversation. The jingle of Mongryong’s collar follows him into the kitchen.

While he’s pouring a can of coke over his rum, he accidentally meets Minseok’s eyes. The sympathy he sees there makes his own eyes prick with tears, and he looks away abruptly. 

He sits on the floor just outside the living room to pet Mongryong, wishing he could fall asleep as easily as Yixing so that he wouldn’t have to figure out how to keep socializing when he feels like the floor just dropped out from under him. 

At least Mongryong likes him. 

“He’s cute,” Jongin says, crouching on the floor next to Kyungsoo.

Jongin’s eyes are barely open, but fatigue doesn’t make them any less beautiful than they are the rest of the time. They reach out and scratch Mongryong’s chest. Mongryong’s butt wags. 

“You have dogs, right?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Yeah,” Jongin says. “Toy poodles. I wish I could bring them to live with me. You guys are lucky.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. “I’m gonna have to get my own dog after college.”

“Oh, right, I forgot about the planned divorce and everything,” Jongin says. “Sometimes you guys seem like a regular married couple to me.”

Kyungsoo’s lips quirk, but the rest of his face doesn’t cooperate with the smile. He sips his drink.

“Yep, it’s temporary,” he says.

“Cake time!” Jongdae shouts, suddenly.

Kyungsoo startles and looks around, then gets up to help with the cake.

Chanyeol slathers frosting on Baekhyun’s cheeks once the candles have been blown out. He looks cute with frosting all over his face, and for the sake of appearances, Kyungsoo pulls out his phone and snaps a picture. His face doesn’t heat up like it usually would when Baekhyun swipes some of the frosting off his cheek with a finger and licks it off suggestively, staring straight at the camera.

The action is greeted with groans and hoots.

“You’re so gross,” Minseok says.

“I know you are, but what am I?” Baekhyun says.

“Twelve,” Jongdae says. “You’re twelve is what you are.”

After he’s finished his cake, Kyungsoo curls up on the armchair and closes his eyes. He’s not all that sleepy, but he can’t pretend to be happy any longer.

In his head, Dr. Elison is asking, again, if he’d rather go through this than talk to Baekhyun and risk rejection. Sookja pops up to say something about communication. It wouldn’t hurt to know that Baekhyun had a crush on someone else if he, say, also had a crush on Kyungsoo. 

But thinking about approaching Baekhyun about it makes tears prick in Kyungsoo’s eyes again. He burrows his face into his arms and thinks desperately about anything else until the urge to cry goes away.

After a while, the instinct that tells him when people are talking about him kicks in. 

“You’re not going to draw on his face?” He hears Chanyeol say.

“I don’t want to die,” Baekhyun says.

“Pansy,” Jongdae says.

“I volunteer as tribute,” Chanyeol says. 

Feet approach, and Kyungsoo knows that continuing to feign sleep is going to be impossible once the pen hits his cheek. He decides to play into the scary Kyungsoo image instead and, when he feels breath on his face and smells the sharp scent of Sharpie, reaches out and grabs Chanyeol’s arm. 

He opens his eyes and glares for effect. He’s really just amazed that he got Chanyeol’s arm on the first try, but Chanyeol doesn’t need to know that.

Chanyeol stares at him in awe, and Kyungsoo snickers while everyone else laughs.

“Holy shit, are you psychic?” Chanyeol says.

“Yep,” Kyungsoo says. “So fuck off.”

He buries his face back in his arms, and this time he really does drift off to the sound of the others talking. He wakes up at some point to the front door closing and then silence. When he looks up, Baekhyun is walking back from the door, and only Yixing is left. Yixing is fast asleep. 

Baekhyun turns toward Kyungsoo with a glare, but his mouth pops open when he sees Kyungsoo awake. 

Guilt seeps into Kyungsoo’s head. It’s Baekhyun’s birthday, and Kyungsoo spent half the party asleep because he was wrapped up in his own feelings. Worse, there’s no way to explain it to Baekhyun without telling him about the feelings. He can’t claim he’s sleep deprived when Baekhyun knows he’s been sleeping fine.

Mongryong stands up from the floor, stretches, and jumps onto the couch to curl up at Yixing’s feet. Baekhyun smiles.

“I think Xing’s staying,” He says quietly. 

Kyungsoo nods. He gets up and stretches, looks at the mess of plates and cups and the remaining cake.

“We can clean up tomorrow,” Baekhyun says. 

Kyungsoo nods again.

Baekhyun doesn’t make a move until they’re in the bedroom, both in their pajamas and ready for sleep, and Kyungsoo starts to think he’s safe. But Baekhyun crawls into bed and scoots up to Kyungsoo, looking hopeful. He leans forward and places a soft kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips, and the sudden, desperate urge to cry wells up again. 

Kyungsoo closes his eyes and pulls his mind away from the situation until that urge recedes. He gently sets a hand against Baekhyun’s shoulder to keep him from following and detaches himself from the kiss. Baekhyun’s mouth presses into a thin line.

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says. “I can’t tonight.”

“Is something wrong?” Baekhyun asks.

“I just don’t feel well,” Kyungsoo says. “And Yixing is out there.”

“We can be quiet,” Baekhyun says. “He won’t hear.”

“Still,” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun nods and lies down, facing the ceiling. He doesn’t look happy. Kyungsoo sighs and tries to stifle the urge to cry until he hears Baekhyun’s breathing even out.

 

\-------------------

 

The next morning, Kyungsoo remembers the gift he’d bought for Baekhyun’s birthday. He suspects that Baekhyun has already guessed that it’s the portable keyboard he’s been lusting after for a month or two, since his band decided that his talents were most needed on the keyboard. The one from his parents turns out to weigh forty pounds even without the assorted gear he’d need to bring, and Baekhyun had whined about being out of shape.

After taking Mongryong out for a quick walk, Kyungsoo digs the wrapped package carefully out of the closet before Baekhyun wakes up and sets it on the kitchen table, then starts clearing up the mess from the night before. He doesn’t notice that Yixing is gone until he’s halfway through his coffee.

Baekhyun’s whole face lights up when he shuffles out of the bedroom, still with bedhead and sleepy eyes. He’s so cute that Kyungsoo momentarily forgets the pain of finding out that Baekhyun has a crush on someone else.

“You really didn’t see it?” Kyungsoo asks.

“No!” Baekhyun says. “Where did you hide it?”

“Back of the closet,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Can I open it?” Baekhyun asks.

“Of course,” Kyungsoo says. “It’s already late.”

Baekhyun tears the wrapping paper off, stares at the box, and then turns and kisses Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo freezes, at first, but the urge to cry doesn’t come. He kisses back with what he hopes is enough energy to keep Baekhyun from noticing something is wrong.

But after a few more seconds, he’s too caught up in the kissing to care about how much Baekhyun really likes him.

Eventually Baekhyun pulls away and gives Kyungsoo a sheepish look.

“Um, I forgot to ask if it was okay to kiss you now?”

Kyungsoo nods.

They chat for a while, and everything is great until the matter Jieun comes back to Kyungsoo’s mind. Then his stomach turns. He should just ask. He doesn’t know the whole story, and he could be making a mountain out of a molehill.

The second Kyungsoo asks about her, Baekhyun’s face lights up. Kyungsoo’s heart starts to sink.

“She’s amazing,” he says. “She actually had a little bit of a career in high school, you know? An indie singer-songwriter type of thing, but she wanted to try out being in a band. She got us a gig this weekend!” 

Kyungsoo tries to smile along, but the fact that Baekhyun is cute about his crush just makes it worse. There’s nothing amazing about Kyungsoo. He’s certainly never had a music career. He’s not stacking up well against Jieun in his own head.

“Do you really have a crush on her?” Kyungsoo asks. Just to be clear.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “But it’s more of one of those crushes you get when someone’s really cool, you know? Not ‘I want to have hot, hot sex with her’ as much as ‘I just want to exist near her because she’s awesome,’ you know?”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong!” Baekhyun says. “If I were single, or like, singler, you know, and she wanted to, I’d date her. But that’s not what it’s about, you know? It’s not all platonic, but it’s more platonic than not platonic.”

Oh.

“You know you’ve said ‘you know’ four times now?” Kyungsoo says.

Baekhyun pouts at him.

“You know what?” He says. 

“What?” Kyungsoo says.

“I don’t care.”

Kyungsoo snorts, but his heart feels a lot lighter. He’s not sure it should, though. Just because Baekhyun isn’t that in love with Jieun doesn’t mean Kyungsoo stands a chance. 

Worse, eventually Baekhyun might fall in love with someone else, and then Kyungsoo will have to feel like he did last night again. He’s not sure he would’ve gone through with the kissing and the sex if he’d known how much it would hurt when he found a sign that Baekhyun didn’t like him that much. 

Then again, was the sex really the problem, or would he have felt this way even without it? He can’t tell.

 

\-------------------

 

“He might think I’m gross or pathetic,” Kyungsoo says. “If I told him I liked him and he didn’t feel the same way.”

It’s been weeks since he realized that was part of his problem, but he’s put off bringing it up with Dr. Elison until now because he didn’t want to face it. 

“He’d think you’re gross for liking him?”

Kyungsoo frowns. When she puts it like that, it sounds ridiculous. How are feelings gross? It’s not like he’s going to force them on Baekhyun, if Baekhyun rejects him. 

“I guess not,” he says. “But maybe pathetic. He’d probably see me cry.”

“Has he been in a serious relationship before?” Dr. Elison asks.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says.

“Then is it safe to say he’s had his heart broken?”

It’s more than safe to say that. Kyungsoo knows he has, and now, in this context, he has sudden respect for how easily Baekhyun told him about it when they hardly knew each other.

“He has,” Kyungsoo says.

“Then do you think he’d think you were pathetic for feeling something he’s felt before?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says.

No, Baekhyun won’t think he’s pathetic. He won’t suddenly hate Kyungsoo. He might not return the feelings, or he might say no to a relationship because he’s still not ready for one. But he won’t hate Kyungsoo or judge him for it.

That helps a little. He leaves the therapy session that day determined to talk to Baekhyun. He won’t do it immediately, since he’s got finals coming up, but once those are over. That’ll give him time to plan out what to say, too. 

 

\-------------------

 

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” someone says.

Kyungsoo opens his eyes and looks up. This section of the library isn’t very bright at night, and he’s got sleep blurring his vision. He has to tip his head down to get the person into focus, and then he smiles.

“Hi, Sehun,” he says.

“Final tomorrow?” Sehun asks.

Kyungsoo nods. He’d been cramming a few hours ago, but he let himself fall asleep in the chair because it was easier than going home, where he’d inevitably make out with Baekhyun and then stress about it afterward, or struggle to keep up with Baekhyun’s conversation when all he wants to do is shut Baekhyun out to lessen the pain and panic.

With his last final tomorrow and self-inflicted deadline for talking to Baekhyun approaching, he’s increasingly nervous. He’d pushed the deadline back to after their Martha’s Vineyard trip, because Sookja is stopping at their place tomorrow night before they leave for the island the following morning. They won’t have any private time for Kyungsoo to talk, or to hide out afterward if things go south.

The impending trip hasn’t helped either of their moods. Baekhyun isn’t even that excited about the addition of Sookja to the mix.

He checks his phone and groans. It’s two in the morning. Even getting a Lyft at this hour creeps him out.

“Do you want to crash at my place?” Sehun says. “My roommate got kicked out a week ago, so I have an extra bed.”

“Sure,” Kyungsoo says.

Sehun’s room turns out to be in the same dorm Kyungsoo was in last year. He stares at it with an extreme sense of déjà vu for all of a couple seconds, but he’s too tired to worry too much. It’s a little bit messy, like Yoongi’s half of the room always was last year. That had bothered Kyungsoo at the time, but now he almost misses it. 

Messy roommates are the kind of things college kids are supposed to be worried about. Roommates and awkward sex lives played out on the narrow, uncomfortable dorm beds with the noisy waterproof coating on them, although in Kyungsoo’s case, the problem would more likely have been dealing with being sexiled all the time.

Having feelings for their own spouses is not the kind of thing college kids should have to worry about.

From the state of the bags under his eyes, Sehun isn’t any less exhausted than Kyungsoo. He pulls out a spare blanket and spreads it on the bare mattress of his ex-roommate’s bed. 

“Shit, I don’t have an extra pillow,” Sehun says.

“I’ll just use my jacket,” Kyungsoo says.

“Oh, good idea,” Sehun says. 

“Do you have an extra pillowcase?” Kyungsoo asks. 

His jacket is scratchy.

“Oh, sure,” Sehun says.

Lying wrapped in a blanket folded over like a sleeping bag on an uncomfortable dorm mattress, with a jacket for a pillow, Kyungsoo feels like a weight has been taken off his shoulders. He likes sleeping next to Baekhyun, but lately he’s struggled more and more to keep up the happy façade when Baekhyun gets clingy. 

Maybe that’s why thoughts of Kyungsoo’s life if he could live like a normal college student keep him awake for a long while. He can hear Sehun’s neighbors’ voices through the wall, but he can't make out words. He’s pretty sure it’s sex moans. It’s awkward to listen to.

He thinks of Baekhyun’s sex noises. His dorm neighbors must have hated him last year. 

But those noises are nice when he and Kyungsoo have sex. They’re cute, and they’re fitting for someone like Baekhyun. They also maybe mean that Baekhyun is enjoying himself, but then again, Baekhyun could be making them to make it sound like he’s enjoying himself when he isn’t.

Kyungsoo falls asleep wishing he’d taken the internship so he could spend the summer far away from Baekhyun and the difficult conversation they need to have.

 

\-------------------

 

Kyungsoo’s final the next day is killer. It takes him almost the full allotted time, and by the end of it, his brain feels like it’s been run through a blender. He’s afraid he’ll fall asleep on the bus, so he takes a Lyft home.

When he walks in the door, Baekhyun is sitting on the couch with his arms folded and his lips pursed.

Kyungsoo pats Mongryong’s head and wonders if he should run away.

“Are you okay?” He asks Baekhyun.

Baekhyun glares at him.

“No,” he says. “Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.”

“I stayed with Sehun,” Kyungsoo says. “I fell asleep in the library and woke up at two, and I had a final this morning so staying on campus was easier than coming back here.”

“Why didn’t you text me?” Baekhyun asks.

“Why would I text you?” Kyungsoo says. “You never texted me when you were staying out late.”

“But that’s normal for me!” Baekhyun says. “You haven’t spent the night off campus all year. I thought you got mugged or something.”

“Then why didn’t you text me?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” Baekhyun says. “You’ve been so busy with your studying lately, or maybe you’ve just been avoiding me. I can’t tell.”

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says.

He doesn’t know what else to say. Baekhyun is obviously bothered by more than just the one night, but all Kyungsoo can figure out is that he’s hurt Baekhyun by avoiding him. He’s too fatigued and too honest to come up with an excuse that would make Baekhyun feel better while avoiding the truth, and he’s not brave enough to spill the truth right before their trip. He should stick to his plan to do it afterward, when their parents won’t notice if they’re not getting along.

“If you’re that bothered,” Kyungsoo starts to say.

Baekhyun sneers at him. 

“Sorry I get bothered sometimes,” he says. “I’ve been stressed out because I have to go visit my parents and pretend they don’t hate me for a week, but I guess I should’ve kept up the happy Baekhyun act, because that’s all anybody wants from me.”

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo starts. “What?”

He’d known Baekhyun would probably misinterpret his avoidance, but he’s not even sure what Baekhyun is talking about. His exhaustion isn’t helping.

He’s scrabbling to find words when Baekhyun’s phone rings. It’s probably Sookja calling to give them an estimated time of arrival. Baekhyun looks at his phone oddly, then answers it.

“Hello?” He says.

He spins on his heel to go back to the bedroom, but then he freezes.

“What? Is she okay?”

Kyungsoo’s stomach drops.

“Where?” Baekhyun says. “Okay, yeah, I’ll be there in a few minutes. You’re coming out here, right? Okay.”

They must be going to a hospital. Kyungsoo takes his phone and wallet from his school bag and drops the bag in the closet. He looks at Baekhyun’s car keys, but he’s not in any condition to drive.

Baekhyun is halfway to the door by the time he’s hung up his phone. 

“Grandma was in an accident,” he says.

He stops and covers his face with his hands.

“Can you drive?” He asks.

“Let’s get a cab,” Kyungsoo says. 

 

\------------------------

 

The taxi drops them off at the front door of the hospital. Kyungsoo doesn’t know how emergency rooms work, but Baekhyun walks right into the line at the check in desk like that’s what they’re supposed to do. When they get to the front, the lady there tells them to check with a security guard standing at a desk near the hall.

The security guard calls someone on an ancient cell phone and tells them that Sookja is waiting for a bed and to check back in forty minutes.

They take seats in a waiting room full of people. Some look sick, others just tense. There’s a woman in a corner moaning.

“Did your mom say how bad it was?” Kyungsoo asks.

Baekhyun shakes his head.

“She said Grandma was conscious,” he says. “That’s all.”

Kyungsoo sighs. He doesn’t know what to say. He slides his hand over the arm of the chair and rests it on one of Baekhyun’s, not sure if it’s welcome but needing to try something.

Baekhyun immediately wraps his fingers around Kyungsoo’s hand and curls against his shoulder.

They sit in almost complete silence for thirty minutes, and then Baekhyun insists on getting up to check. The guard calls again, then tells them she’d been taken in to surgery ten minutes ago, and to check back in forty minutes again. They sit back down. Kyungsoo’s palm was getting sweaty, so he wraps his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders instead.

It’s at least a two and a half hour trip from Martha’s Vineyard, and easily more than three hours with traffic. Kyungsoo hadn’t checked the time when Baekhyun got the call, so he can only ballpark it when Baekhyun’s parents walk into the ER lobby. Baekhyun, slouched on Kyungsoo’s shoulder with his eyes closed, doesn’t notice them. They see Kyungsoo and wave, then go up to the security guard.

He calls on his phone again, then nods and says something to them. Baekhyun’s mother waves Kyungsoo over, and Kyungsoo nudges Baekhyun.

They find Sookja in a recovery room, still unconscious from the anesthesia. She’s got bandages on her arms, a cast on one leg, and an IV. A doctor explains the injuries to them and says that she’ll be okay, but they’re admitting her for a few days.

Baekhyun sags against Kyungsoo’s body. There’s a wide, padded bench in front of the window, and Kyungsoo guides Baekhyun over to it and sits with him, rubbing his back gently. He’s being incredibly quiet. 

Baekhyun’s parents look at them once or twice, but Kyungsoo is too tired to care what they think. 

The moment Sookja wakes up, Baekhyun is by her side, asking questions at a mile a minute. His mother rubs his shoulders and gently pulls him back an inch or two. She’s smiling a little, tiredly. 

“Slow down, Baekhyunnie,” she says. “Nobody can answer questions that fast.”

Baekhyun takes a deep breath and pauses.

Sookja smiles.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I guess I ruined vacation, didn’t I?”

Kyungsoo hovers on the edge of the group for a while. He feels like an intruder, and eventually he returns to the bench. He promptly falls asleep against the wall. 

When he wakes up, the Byun family are all eating sandwiches and talking. The sky is dark outside the window. Kyungsoo stares at the food, and his tired mind starts working on something he feels like he needs to do. Baekhyun holds up a sub.

“We didn’t want to wake you up, so we just got you a club,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo looks at it. What’s he forgetting?

“Mongryong,” he says. 

Baekhyun’s eyes widen. He looks out the window and then grabs his phone to check the time.

“Shit, yeah, he needs his walk,” Baekhyun says. 

“I’ll go,” Kyungsoo says. 

He gets up and stretches, taking the sandwich that Baekhyun offers him.

“Just go to sleep when you’re done,” Baekhyun says. “You’re tired.”

Kyungsoo nods.

A few hours later, though, he heads back to the hospital with a blanket for Baekhyun, who’d woken him with a text to say he was spending the night at the hospital. Kyungsoo stops short when he spots his own grandma in the hospital lobby, talking to the receptionist. She was supposed to fly into Providence tomorrow, with his parents. He has to stop and count hours to figure out if it’s even possible for her to have gotten to Boston from LA so quickly.

He walks up to her, staring to try to figure out if it’s really her. Maybe his eyes are still bleary from his nap. 

Luckily, she turns around and spots him before he has to say anything.

He gets a giant hug like he hasn’t been refusing to speak with her for almost five months.

“Baekhyun’s mom called me,” she says. “I got on the next flight out.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. 

“Do you know where the room is?” Grandma asks. “The nice gentleman gave me directions, but I didn’t understand them at all.”

Kyungsoo nods and leads her up.

Sookja is thrilled to see her. Baekhyun’s parents are gone, presumably to a hotel. Kyungsoo sets the bag with the blanket on the bench.

Eventually they fall into an argument over whether Baekhyun should stay with Sookja overnight, or whether it should be Kyungsoo’s grandma who does. Kyungsoo doesn’t even bother with trying to keep up with it. In the end, Baekhyun loses, and Kyungsoo goes home with him.

Baekhyun stops in the doorway of their apartment looking lost, so Kyungsoo wraps tentative arms around his waist. Baekhyun responds by wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and curling into him. 

The first sign he gets that Baekhyun is crying is a sniffle. That’s followed by heaving sobs. 

“I was so scared,” Baekhyun says.

His voice trembles. Kyungsoo kisses the top of his head, and then his forehead. Baekhyun tips his face up and kisses his mouth with salty lips.

 

\------------------------

 

It’s late morning when Kyungsoo wakes up again. Baekhyun must’ve taken the dog out for his morning walk without waking Kyungsoo. 

The only message on his phone is one from his parents, saying that they’ve changed their flight reservations to Boston and will be there in the afternoon. He glares at his phone and hopes they can feel the glare through it.

With a properly rested mind, Kyungsoo lies in bed and thinks over the argument from the day before. He’s angry with Baekhyun for jumping to conclusions again. He’s angry with himself for leaving room for that to happen. He doesn’t know, with the Sookja thing, when a good time to deal with all of that is, and he doesn’t have a clue how to deal with it.

After a while of thinking with no solutions coming to mind, Kyungsoo drags himself out of bed to face what turns out to be a boring day full of conversations with people he doesn’t want to talk to and the endless, monotonous beeping of hospital equipment. People come in and out, his parents stopping by, then getting to their hotel and coaxing Grandma to get a room and sleep in a real bed for a bit, then stopping by again, then saying they want to see Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s apartment.

The day only gets worse as it goes to evening, and Kyungsoo walks into his apartment after walking Mongryong with Father to find Mother and Grandma standing at the counter, staring down at a familiar set of photographs with shock written all over their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I <3 comments! Or come say hi on [tumblr](https://failonade.tumblr.com/).


	8. Chapter 8

Mother and Grandma both look up before Kyungsoo can duck back out the door and text Baekhyun. He swallows and hangs up Mongryong’s leash.

“Kyungsoo,” Mother says. “What is this?”

“You mean you didn’t know?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Know what?” Mother says. “Know that Baekhyun was cheating on you?”

Kyungsoo freezes. His mind is completely blank. He wishes Baekhyun were here.

“So he was cheating on you,” Mother says.

Kyungsoo’s stomach drops. In his panic, it hadn’t occurred to him that there could be another interpretation; the pictures could have been from Baekhyun’s freshman year, maybe.

But now Mother’s face is drawing hard with anger, and Grandma’s lips are pressed thin as well.

“I need to wash my hands,” Kyungsoo says. “I just picked up dog poop.”

He strides off to the bathroom as quickly as he can, ignoring his mother’s shocked, angry face. She’ll be angry about having her fit of rage delayed, but she’d be angry anyway. He locks the door and washes his hands quickly, then pulls out his phone and texts Baekhyun to tell him that his mother found the pictures.

Once he’s done that, he spaces out in the direction of the mirror. He’s doomed. His reflection looks like he’s just seen a ghost.

What can he tell them? What will the outcome of all this be? Will his mother insist on a divorce? Does Kyungsoo want a divorce?

The best course of action he can think of is to tell her that he had a rocky start with Baekhyun, but they’ve talked things out. He rehearses that line in his head, hoping that the words won’t get all jumbled up in the face of his mother’s anger and come out wrong.

He’s still rehearsing when he hears his mother’s voice.

“Are you still at the hospital?” She’s saying.

Kyungsoo stops rehearsing and wrenches the bathroom door open. He runs to the living area to find her on the phone. The volume is loud enough that he can hear his father’s voice on the other end.

“Please come to Kyungsoo’s apartment,” Mother says. “Bring Baekhyun’s family. We need to talk.” 

She hangs up the phone.

“Mother,” Kyungsoo says. He tries to remember what he was going to say and starts, “It’s fine—“

Mother wheels around to face him, and he knows he’s made a mistake.

“It’s fine?” She says. “Fine? Your husband cheating on you is fine?”

“No, that’s not—“ Kyungsoo says.

“I should have known,” Mother says. “I don’t know why you had to inherit your father’s spinelessness.”

Kyungsoo opens his mouth, but she holds up a hand.

“Not another word,” she says. “Go sit down.”

Kyungsoo looks at Grandma, but she shakes her head. Kyungsoo sits down at the kitchen table. 

They’re still silent twenty minutes later, when Father, Baekhyun, and Baekhyun’s parents walk through the door.

Baekhyun’s posture is tense. His parents just look confused.

They end up ringed around the coffee table, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun both on kitchen chairs but across the room from each other.

Mother distributes the photographs to Father and Baekhyun’s parents. Eyes widen all around, and Baekhyun’s parents both give Baekhyun disgusted looks when they’ve seen all of the pictures.

Kyungsoo’s own father also looks at Baekhyun, but he doesn’t look disgusted. His expression might be a grimace. But there’s the familiar tightness of posture, shoulders suddenly rigid and eyes darting around in the way that reminds Kyungsoo of a prairie dog. He’s probably worried about his wife losing her temper more than anything else.

“I must say, I am very disappointed,” Mother says. “I didn’t think the Byun family would raise a child with such loose morals.”

And here it goes.

Baekhyun looks at his hands. His parents open their mouths and close them again. Grandma sits quietly. Nobody asks why someone was following Baekhyun around and taking pictures of him through windows. Nobody seems to care about that, nor do they care that Kyungsoo’s mother had to have been snooping around Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s apartment in order to find the pictures. 

Kyungsoo’s mother opens her own mouth again, and Kyungsoo starts to cringe. He wants to cut her off, but he doesn’t have the nerve.

“But you said you already knew about this, Kyungsoo?” Father cuts in.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says.

There’s no use lying now. He’s more than a little bit flabbergasted by his father making any kind of move against his mother in a situation like this one.

Father raises his eyebrows and tilts his head like he expects more, but all the words are gone from Kyungsoo’s head again. The knowledge that it’s anxiety that makes him this way isn’t all that helpful in this situation. There are too many bad ways that it could end—Baekhyun being kicked out again, or Kyungsoo himself being kicked out if he admits why he’s not angry with Baekhyun. Anxiety is counterproductive, keeping him from putting enough brain cells together to talk his way out of this, but there’s no reasoning himself down from it when the cause is completely valid.

“Did you two discuss it at all?” Father asks.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says. “Um, last winter. Things have been okay since then.”

“And how do you know that they’ve been okay?” Mother says. “Have you been with him every moment of the day?”

Baekhyun is pursing his lips and looking down. Mongryong walks over to him and lies down on his feet. Baekhyun’s lips curl up just a little bit, just briefly. Kyungsoo wants to hug him.

“He—“ Kyungsoo starts. “I—he thought I hated him. Because I’m quiet and I didn’t—“

“And that makes it okay to cheat?” Mother says.

“Why don’t we talk about what it is that we want to do about this,” Father says.

This is weird. This is not the Father Kyungsoo is used to. Mother purses her lips and stares at him like she’s shocked, too, but also angry.

The parents and Grandma all exchange nervous looks. Grandma and Kyungsoo’s mother both open their mouths to speak at the same time.

“Why don’t—“ Grandma says.

“They should divorce,“ Mother says. 

She looks at Grandma. Grandma glares and puffs up her chest. Mother closes her mouth.

“How will being a divorcee look for Kyungsoo?” Grandma asks. “People will talk. He’ll have a hard time finding a new husband.”

Mother scowls.

“Why don’t we take the summer to think about what to do?” Grandma says. “Youngsoo, you said the Songs said they’d be happy to give Kyungsoo that internship if he changed his mind, right?”

Kyungsoo’s father nods.

The Byuns, except Baekhyun, start to sag in their seats.

“So Kyungsoo can come back to California with us, and Baekhyun will stay out here,” Grandma says. “Since he’s already found a job here and has that music festival coming up, it won’t look strange for them to spend the summer apart.”

To Kyungsoo’s surprise, his mother doesn’t protest. Once everyone has agreed, Baekhyun’s parents get up to leave. 

“Baekhyun, I think you should stay with us tonight,” Baekhyun’s mother says.

Baekhyun frowns but nods. He takes his feet out from under Mongryong and shuffles toward the door. Kyungsoo’s stomach twists. Kyungsoo’s family gets up and leaves as well, Father and Grandma hustling Mother along when it looks like she’s about to light into Kyungsoo.

After they’ve left, Mongryong sits and whines at the door, then at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo sits on the floor and pets Mongryong. The apartment feels big and cold and empty, and Kyungsoo feels guilty and worried.

He texts Baekhyun to ask if he’s okay. Then he texts Chanyeol to let him know what happened, in case Baekhyun needs help, and Minseok to ask if he can give Kyungsoo Jongdae’s number or pass on a message for similar reasons.

After all of that, he lies on the floor and stares up at the ceiling. He should probably pack another suitcase, now that he’s going to be gone for the whole summer. Will he even be coming back to this apartment next year?

A few minutes later, his phone buzzes with a message.

Baekhyun:

    I’m ok. They’re mad, but they’re not saying anything. They got me my own hotel room.

Me:

    Good.

    Mongryong misses you.

Baekhyun:

    Send me a pic 

Me:

    You just saw him a few minutes ago.

Baekhyun:

    Nevermind I’m calling.

The phone starts buzzing with a call from Baekhyun. Kyungsoo answers it.

“Give me to Mongryong,” Baekhyun says.

His voice is quiet, probably so that his parents won’t hear him, but Mongryong hears it anyway. He lifts his head and stares at Kyungsoo.

“You’re ridiculous,” Kyungsoo says. “Both of you.”

He sets the phone to speaker and puts it down.

“You’re on speaker,” he says.

“Mongryong, are you okay?” Baekhyun says.

Mongryong whines and sniffs around the phone.

“I think you’re freaking him out,” Kyungsoo says.

“Sorry, Mongmong,” Baekhyun says. “It’s okay, I promise. You just get to hang out with your stepdad for a bit.”

Mongryong keeps circling around the phone, nosing it across the floor in his attempt to find the Baekhyun to go with Baekhyun’s voice. It’s confusing him, and Kyungsoo feels bad. He picks it up and switches it off speaker. 

“You’re off speaker,” he says. “He kept looking for you.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says.

There’s silence for a while. Kyungsoo wonders if he should hang up.

“I’m sorry I didn’t text you when I stayed at Sehun’s,” he says eventually. “I’ll make sure I let you know if something like that happens again.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says. “I’m sorry I got mad.”

“Apology accepted,” Kyungsoo says.

They fall silent again. 

“What are we gonna do?” Baekhyun asks after a while.

Kyungsoo sighs.

“I don’t know,” he says. “Your parents haven’t threatened anything, have they?”

“Not yet,” Baekhyun says. “They’re mad. I think if your mom got her way and got us to divorce, they would’ve disowned me again.”

“I wish your grandma was there,” Kyungsoo says.

“Mine? Why?”

“She wasn’t expecting us to hit it off,” Kyungsoo says. “She knows about the money issues.”

“You’re right,” Baekhyun says. “But my parents don’t listen to her. Your grandma did a better job.”

“Yeah, but she’s going to expect us to stay together forever.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “Do you think I’m bad?”

“Why?”

“I basically used your grandma for money,” he says. “If my parents hadn’t decided to un-disown me, I would’ve been relying on her money for housing, just to divorce you at the end.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “The more I think about it, the more I think it’s twisted that she bribed you to marry me. If she had the money and knew you were struggling, why didn’t she just help out? You’re her best friend’s grandson.”

“That’s not the same as family,” Baekhyun says. 

“What the hell is family, anyway?” Kyungsoo asks. “Why do people care so much about it?”

He instantly feels like a jerk. 

“Shit, sorry,” he says.

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun says. “But family are the people who show up for you at the hospital. They keep you from being alone.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t get it,” Baekhyun says.

“Maybe if you left my mother out,” Kyungsoo says. “I’d rather be alone than with her.”

“I don’t think she’s very good at family things,” Baekhyun says. “But maybe that’s because she’s afraid of being alone again. I get that.” 

Kyungsoo sighs.

“I’m not saying it’s good,” Baekhyun says. “Just that I get why she’d feel the way she does.”

Kyungsoo wants to change the topic. He doesn’t know how.

“Oh, ugh,” Baekhyun says. “Fuck.”

“What?” Kyungsoo asks.

“If you’re going to California, and I’m already in trouble for cheating on you, that means I have to go all summer without sex.”

“It’s just gonna be you and your hand,” Kyungsoo says.

“Ugh,” Baekhyun says. “Hey, wait, but that’s the same for you!”

Kyungsoo laughs. 

“Can we at least have phone sex?” Baekhyun asks. “You have a nice voice.”

Kyungsoo’s face heats up. 

“No,” he says.

“Aww,” Baekhyun says. “But—“

“Good night,” Kyungsoo says.

He hangs up the phone. He’s smiling, but the smile quickly slides off his face without Baekhyun to keep it in place.

Some advice would be good right about now, but he doesn’t know what to ask, or who, even if he could convince himself to bother someone about it.

Then his phone rings again, and it isn’t Baekhyun. 

Shortly afterward, he arrives in Sookja’s hospital room. He looks around in surprise when he realizes only Sookja is there. 

“Come in,” Sookja says. “I sent your grandma to her hotel room. Told her I don’t want to have to visit her in the hospital because she injured her back sleeping in my hospital room for no reason.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

He’s at a loss, because he’s not sure why she asked him to come over. The therapist has tried to teach him to stop obsessing over how quiet he is, that it’s normal to run out of words sometimes, but it would be good to know what to say right now.

“I heard a little from your grandma,” Sookja says. “I wanted to hear your side of the story before they take you back to California.”

“What about it?”

“Just tell me what you think is important,” Sookja says. “I know things weren’t great between you two last year.”

Kyungsoo stops and thinks. What’s important? That would depend on the goal. What’s safe is also a question, but Sookja knows enough of the truth, and is comfortable enough with the idea of divorce, that he isn’t too terrified to choose his words carefully.

“Baekhyun and I didn’t really have a relationship,” he says. “My plan was to marry someone to make my mother happy, and then get a divorce when I could support myself. I told him that at the beginning. So I didn’t think of what he was doing as cheating. Um, when I found out. Also now. I still don’t think of what he was doing as cheating. Not that he’s done it recently.”

Sookja’s eyes don’t leave his face. She nods slowly. Kyungsoo tries not to shrink in his chair.

“And how did you find out?”

Kyungsoo rubs his neck.

“Someone sent me pictures in the mail,” he says. “That’s what my mother found. I saved them in case we needed to go to the police. I was worried that someone was stalking Baekhyun.”

“Do you know who sent them?” Sookja asks.

Kyungsoo shakes his head.

“We decided it was my mom,” he says. “But I guess it wasn’t. We saw a guy with a camera following us a few times. Neither of us knew him.”

“Are you still worried about someone stalking either of you?”

“I don’t think so,” Kyungsoo says. “We haven’t seen the guy in a while.”

Sookja crosses her arms and falls silent.

“So what do you want to do?” She asks. “Divorce? Stay with Baekhyun?”

Kyungsoo shrugs helplessly.

“I don’t know,” he says. “Divorce might mess things up for Baekhyun again, wouldn’t it?”

Sookja nods.

“Possibly,” she says. “But are you really going to stay married through your college years for his sake?”

Feeling terribly transparent, Kyungsoo shrugs again, like he can pretend he doesn’t really care that much about Baekhyun. The truth is that he does.

“Thank you for being honest with me,” Sookja says. “I didn’t want to jump to conclusions about Baekhyun.”

Kyungsoo sighs. 

Letting Baekhyun take all of the blame isn’t fair, but something tells him he needs to take some time to think about things before he acts. 

He thinks about his own grandma, and the differences between her and Sookja. The therapist would tell him to just ask.

“Can I ask you something?” He says after a silence.

Sookja nods.

“Were you and my grandma ever…”

“In a relationship with each other?”

Kyungsoo nods.

“No,” Sookja says. “I tried, when I got my divorce, but your grandma has always been family-oriented. She rejected me. Said she had her family to take care of, and that I should stay with my own husband.”

“Oh.”

“It would have been a terrible match,” Sookja says. “She’s traditional about most things, when it comes down to it. I’m not. We would’ve argued all the time. We even used to, when we were younger.”

“I see,” Kyungsoo says.

He leaves the hospital with no more answers, but he feels calmer. Sookja, at least, seems to care about Baekhyun and Kyungsoo’s welfare in a way that makes sense to Kyungsoo.

But an hour after he gets home, when he’s finally in bed, he gets a call from Jongdae.

Because he doesn’t have the number stored in his contacts, he stares at his phone until it stops buzzing. Shortly afterward, a few texts roll in.

    this is jongdae. Chanyeol told me what happened.

    if you let baekhyun take all the blame for this I will punch you the next time I see you. he doesn’t need to go through this shit again.

Kyungsoo sighs and stares at the ceiling.

 

\------------------------

 

“Are you okay?” Minseok asks.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says.

He looks at a nondescript fire hydrant while Mongryong pees on it. He’d waited until it was time for Mongryong’s evening walk to return Minseok’s call so that he’d be away from his parents without being suspicious.

He hesitates. 

“Listen,” Minseok says. “You’ve probably got Jongdae jumping down your throat, right?”

“He’s right,” Kyungsoo says. He looks around just to make sure his parents aren’t nearby before he continues. “It’s not right for me to let Baekhyun take all the blame.”

“Does it matter so much who takes the blame?” Minseok asks.

Kyungsoo has to pause and think about that. 

“Yeah. His parents could kick him out again,” Kyungsoo says. “Just because they think he cheated on me when we weren’t even really in a relationship.”

“So what can you do about it?” Minseok asks.

“Come clean, I guess,” Kyungsoo says. “Tell everyone that we lied about the marriage to begin with to make them happy.”

“Are you sure that’ll make them feel better? If you leave out the part where the marriage was temporary, then they’ll probably still think he should have taken it seriously,” Minseok says. “And if you tell them it was temporary, then they might just hear that he manipulated them for their money. From what you’ve told me, that’s definitely what your mother will hear if you give her the same story.”

Kyungsoo sighs.

“Still,” he says. “Isn’t that better than thinking he actually cheated?”

“Well, you know the people involved better than I do,” Minseok says. “But think about it before you do anything, and make sure you’re not risking your own safety for nothing. Your own mom isn’t going to be happy, is she?”

“She might kick me out,” Kyungsoo says.

“Do you have anywhere to stay if she does?”

“My brother might help,” Kyungsoo says. “But he has a baby.”

“Talk to him first,” Minseok says. “Make sure he’s willing.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says.

 

\------------------------

 

“You’re so quiet,” Will says. “Do you have any questions?”

Will, Kyungsoo’s internship supervisor, has spent hours taking him on a tour of the company and introducing him to a million people whose names and positions Kyungsoo is afraid he’ll never remember.

“Not right now,” Kyungsoo says.

“Okay,” Will says. 

He looks uncomfortable. Kyungsoo tries not to worry about it. He’s uncomfortable, himself. He can’t help that he doesn’t know what to ask yet. Will is probably not deciding that he’s stupid or scary. Will’s discomfort might be because he doesn’t know what to say, either.

Kyungsoo’s discomfort lingers for the rest of the day, which he spends completing human resources and IT training. They won’t give him a computer login until he’s learned things about phishing attacks and viruses that he’s known since high school.

His desk is tacked on to the tail end of a set of cubicles, leaving him feeling like a fish in a bowl for everyone to watch. 

At the end of the day, he leaves feeling bewildered and still nervous about a whole summer of this job when he doesn’t really know what the job is, yet. He gets outside to find that it’s still bright out, and he’s surprised by his own surprise at the discovery. There weren’t any windows in the office, and walking out of it is as disconcerting as leaving a movie theater during the daylight.

He’s walking gingerly through the front door of his house when his phone starts buzzing. His mother is sitting on the couch, and he says a quick hello before holding his phone up—careful to keep its screen facing away from her—to forestall any conversation.

“Hello,” he says when he answers the phone.

“Hey,” Baekhyun says. “Do you miss me yet?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says.

“Liar,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo grins, slipping into his room and closing the door behind him.

“How’s your job?” He asks.

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun says. “The kids are fun. There’s one who has ears bigger than Chanyeol’s.”

They don’t talk about their marriage or their families. By the time they hang up, a long while later, Kyungsoo isn’t even sure why Baekhyun called, but he feels more relaxed than he has all day. 

Then Mother calls him to dinner over the intercom, and his good mood vanishes.

Dinners have been tense lately. Kyungsoo walks down to the kitchen prepared for another mostly quiet dinner full of strained conversation. At first, that’s what he gets—Mother asks about his internship. 

He gives a rundown of the events of the day, relieved that for once he has things to say. 

“It’s too bad you didn’t get to do any actual work today,” Mother says at the end.

“Baekhyun said it’s nice that they’re easing me into things,” Kyungsoo says.

He curses himself for bringing up Baekhyun before he’s finished uttering the sentence. Mother’s face freezes.

“You’ve spoken to Baekhyun?” She says.

Kyungsoo nods.

She says nothing else on the subject, but she looks like she bit into a lemon. Kyungsoo eats the rest of his dinner in silence. He’s close to spilling the truth, but he’s still sorting through the complications of it. Minseok was right that it could make everything worse.

 

\-------------------

 

One weekend, Kyungsoo drives out to Sehun’s house in the Inland Empire. It’s a typical smoggy summer day in Southern California, where it hasn’t rained in weeks, maybe months with the drought everyone’s talking about.

Sehun’s house is a boxy beige stucco thing on a street full of nearly identical boxy beige stucco houses, all with small grass lawns going brown from the watering restrictions. There are mountains visible to the north and faintly to the south—Sehun’s mom tells him later that it’s too bad he didn’t come on a clearer day, when there are more visible in the west—but Sehun’s neighborhood is almost completely flat, just sloping faintly toward the nearest range of mountains. 

It’s unbearably hot when Kyungsoo gets out of his car. He knocks on the door, desperately hoping that he’s got the right house, and he’s relieved when a woman who looks like Sehun answers. She picks up the barking white toy poodle at her feet and lets Kyungsoo in.

She casts a lingering look at the wedding band on Kyungsoo’s finger. He tries not to grimace, because he’d meant to take it off before he got here; he’s been making a point of wearing it around the house to keep his mother from jumping to conclusions. 

He doesn’t feel like explaining anything to Sehun’s mother, and fortunately, she doesn’t ask. Maybe Sehun told her.

She tells Kyungsoo that Sehun and Jongin are in the pool and directs him to Sehun’s room, where he drops his overnight bag and changes into swim trunks. He tucks his wedding band safely into a pocket in his bag. 

There’s a faint tan line around his finger where the ring has been, now that he’s been wearing it properly for half a year.

When he gets down to the sliding door to the backyard, he nearly has a heart attack. He’d known Jongin was beautiful, of course, but they look like a model in their swim trunks. At the moment, they’re throwing their hair back, laughing.

They spot Kyungsoo through the glass of the sliding door and wave. Kyungsoo waves back and slips outside. 

“Hey,” Sehun says.

Sehun, fortunately, is just as gangly in his swim trunks as he is fully dressed. He’s not unattractive, but he doesn’t look like he came from another plane of existence the way Jongin does.

They spend half the day horsing around in the pool, then hang around eating pizza on the couch. Sehun’s mom leaves them mostly to their own devices.

“So what all happened with you and Baekhyun?” Sehun asks after a while.

Kyungsoo sighs and launches into an explanation.

“Your parents are crazy,” Sehun says when he finishes.

Jongin nods their agreement.

“What are you going to do?” They ask.

Kyungsoo shrugs.

“I don’t know how much choice I have,” he says. “I think I need to come clean, though. At least that I wasn’t taking the marriage seriously, you know? They’re blaming it all on Baekhyun. Even if his parents don’t kick him out again, my mom will probably be rude to him for the rest of…the marriage, anyway.”

Sehun whistles.

“You aren’t afraid your mom will kick you out?”

“She might,” Kyungsoo says.

“You can stay here if she does,” Sehun says. “Make my room a triple for the summer. I mean, I’d have to ask my mom, but she’d probably understand.”

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo says.

He really hopes he won’t have to spend the summer sleeping on Sehun’s floor or Seungsoo’s couch. 

In the morning, while Sehun is showering, Jongin sits down on the floor in Sehun’s room, where Kyungsoo is putting his swim trunks back into his bag. Vivi, who follows Jongin faithfully whenever Sehun isn’t available, walks over and sits with Jongin, who pets her. Kyungsoo gets déjà vu.

Jongin clears their throat.

“Um,” they say. “If you end up divorced, would you date me?”

Kyungsoo looks up in surprise.

Jongin wants to date him? Jongin? He’s too floored to even think of answering for a moment.

“If there wasn’t someone I liked, I would,” he says. “But um, there is.”

It’s an awful thing to have to say. Jongin takes it with a bare press of their lips into a grimace before they go back to smiling.

“Okay,” they say.

They get up and leave, awkwardly. Kyungsoo spends the ride home wondering if he’s just turned down Jongin for someone who doesn’t want him back. 

Because the truth, at this point, is that he’s been trying to work through the questions of what to say to his mother without any input from Baekhyun about what he wants, because in order for that input to have any value, he’ll need to tell Baekhyun the whole truth. Despite his earlier plans to get that over with after the last term ended, he hasn’t yet worked up the nerve.

It’s time to fix that.

When he gets home, Kyungsoo calls his grandma. 

 

\--------------------

 

In July, Grandma drives Kyungsoo to the airport. Mother stops him on the way to the door and tells him to have fun in San Francisco.

He winces as soon as the front door closes, because he’s not really going to San Francisco to visit Minseok at his parents’ house like he said he was. Minseok isn’t even in San Francisco. Kyungsoo is going to Vermont to see Baekhyun, because this is the kind of conversation that would be best to have in person.

Grandma winks at him.

“It’s best if you can make up,” she says in the car. “Every relationship has its rough times.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to say, so he makes a noncommittal noise. He doesn’t want to offend her after she bought him the tickets and helped with a cover story so that his mother wouldn’t know where he’s going.

“Baekhyun has always been a good boy,” Grandma continues. “But he needs a lot of attention. You need to make sure you don’t go off into your own world with your video games and programs and forget about him.”

Kyungsoo looks out the window to hide his incredulous expression. He wants to be mad that she’s blaming his personality for his husband’s supposed infidelity, but it’s too absurd to upset him.

“You said things were better lately, right?” Grandma says. “I guess you already figured it out.”

It’s a relief when they finally make it to the airport.

His flight arrives in Burlington well after dark. The airport is small enough that he can walk to the rental car counter, which he does after a pause to text Baekhyun that he’s in Vermont. He’s never rented a car on his own before, and he finds the process so stressful that his hands shake when he hands over his license. 

The drive to where Baekhyun is takes almost two hours. There’s very little to see in the dark other than stars, to the point that Kyungsoo feels disoriented. He’s never been here before, so he doesn’t have any memory of what it should look like to fill in what he can’t see. For all he knows, he could have fallen through a wormhole to a different version of Earth.

By the time he gets to his lodge, it’s his bedtime in California and the wee hours of the morning where he is now. He yawns as he turns off the ignition. There’s a car in the parking lot that looks familiar, but Kyungsoo doesn’t connect the dots until the door opens and Baekhyun steps out of it.

He’s wearing his college hoody with plaid pajama pants sticking out the bottom. His hair looks like a rat’s nest.

“You’re really here,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo nods.

“Can I kiss you?” Baekhyun asks.

Kyungsoo nods again.

Baekhyun flings his arms around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and kisses him right there. Kyungsoo kisses back, hoping that whoever’s working at the lodge isn’t homophobic. Baekhyun’s body is pleasantly solid under his arms after months apart.

“Fuck, I missed this,” Baekhyun says between kisses.

Missed kissing Kyungsoo, or kissing in general? Kyungsoo’s gut wrenches, and he tears himself away after one more kiss.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” He asks. “You have a performance tomorrow.”

“I was asleep,” Baekhyun says. “I went to bed early to make up for this in advance.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. Baekhyun’s sheepish grin is charming. It’s equally charming when the grin is interrupted by a very large yawn. 

That makes Kyungsoo yawn as well, and then they both giggle at themselves.

“Go back to sleep,” Kyungsoo says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

In the morning, he wakes to a spectacular view of rolling mountains covered in a thick layer of greenery. The air is humid, and he’s greeted by a million bugs when he goes outside. New England, outside of the wintertime, always feels much more alive than Southern California. More like somewhere people are supposed to live.

Baekhyun’s morning is busy, so Kyungsoo wanders around by himself, then gets lunch with Sookja when she gets to Vermont, looking perfectly healthy aside from her crutches. She tells him that Baekhyun’s parents will be at the performance tonight. 

And so Kyungsoo ends up slipping into the show at the very last minute and sitting in the back row so that the Byuns won’t see him, because that might lead to some confusion. As soon as the performance ends, he ducks back out of the room before they get out of their seats, Sookja kindly keeping them distracted by dropping her crutches, as she’d promised she would.

Then he’s at loose ends. Baekhyun texts him about twenty minutes later, saying that he’s stuck having dessert with his parents. Kyungsoo goes back to his own lodgings and tries to nap while he waits, but his heart is racing too hard. He goes over what to say and how to say it. His palms sweat.

He’s watching a movie on the TV in his room when Baekhyun texts him, and shortly afterward Baekhyun arrives at the inn.

Kyungsoo’s room is too brightly lit, leaving Kyungsoo no way to hide his expression. 

“Can we go outside?” He says. “The stars are nice.”

“Do they have mosquito candles?” Baekhyun asks. “If they don’t, we’ll be eaten alive.”

Kyungsoo says he doesn’t know, and they go out to the garden, where they take a seat on a bench near a very large citronella candle.

Kyungsoo’s mind starts to go blank. He fishes the words back to the surface. They need to come out now, before he forgets them again.

“I was thinking,” he says.

“About what?” Baekhyun asks.

“I like you. I want to date you,” Kyungsoo says. “That’s why I was avoiding you so much at the end of the semester. Because I was afraid to tell you, and it was stressing me out.”

That was abrupt. Oh well.

“Oh,” Baekhyun says.

He’s quiet for a moment. He taps his feet on the ground and looks at them.

“I’m still not sure,” he says. “Um, I mean, I’m not sure about you! No, that’s wrong. I’m sure I like you. I mean I’m not sure about dating after what I did to Yixing and everything. You’d want to date me, knowing about that?”

“I’m asking you to date me, not marry me,” Kyungsoo says.

He looks at Baekhyun. Baekhyun looks at him. Despite his nerves, Kyungsoo snickers. The whole situation is ridiculous. 

His snicker sets off a laugh from Baekhyun. Kyungsoo waits for it to finish and continues.

“But I’m serious,” he says. “If people could be sure from the start that things would work out, wouldn’t everyone skip dating and get married right away? You date because you’re not sure.

“And I’m not sure we’ll work. I’ve never dated anyone before, for one thing. I don’t know what I’m doing at all. But I like you, so I’d like to try.”

Baekhyun is looking at him. It makes him nervous. He swallows past a lump in his throat.

“So, try with me?” Kyungsoo asks. 

Baekhyun smiles at him. He leans in and plants a soft kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips.

“I’ll try,” he says. 

Kyungsoo smiles back.

“That was a lot of words for you,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo glares at him.

“The marriage, though,” Kyungsoo says. “About that.”

Baekhyun presses his lips together.

“What do you want to do about it?” He asks.

“If our financial stability wasn’t at stake, I’d rather not be married,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t think we’re there yet. But, well, what do you want to do?”

“If we get a choice, I want a divorce. Even if you’re the only one who gets a choice,” Baekhyun says. 

Kyungsoo’s head jerks up in surprise. Baekhyun gives him a sad little smile.

“You know, when our grandmas brought it up, I was hoping I’d like you. The bribe was nice, but I also wanted my family back. I thought if I could marry you and it turned out you were nice, then maybe I’d get a happy ever after with every part of my life. I even hoped that eventually you’d change your mind, after you said it was just until you were out of college.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

“But then we had that dinner where I saw my parents for the first time in ages, and I just felt slimy,” Baekhyun says. “Slimy and used. I’ve felt like that pretty much every time I’ve seen them since. What I wanted was their unconditional love, and that’s not what I got. I’d rather add to my school debt than keep feeling like this.”

Kyungsoo nods and wraps an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders. Baekhyun leans into him.

“So what should we do?” Baekhyun asks. “Got any ideas?”

Kyungsoo takes a breath.

“I think we should tell the truth,” he says.

“How much of the truth?”

“Just that I’d told you I was only getting married to make my parents happy, and I didn’t want a relationship with you. We’ll leave out the temporary part. I can tell my mother that your parents kicked you out because you were gay, and you were hoping that they’d be more accepting if you married someone from a family like mine.”

“Isn’t that a little risky for you?” Baekhyun asks, straightening up again to look at him.

“It is,” Kyungsoo says. “But I don’t want you taking all the blame. And if we want a divorce, that might be the best way to get it.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says.

Baekhyun’s hand clenches the edge of the bench. Kyungsoo slips his hand down around it and tugs it up onto his thigh. He slides their palms together and then lets Baekhyun interlace their fingers. There’s a little bite of metal where Baekhyun’s wedding band presses into Kyungsoo’s fingers.

Baekhyun gives his hand a squeeze and smiles at him. Kyungsoo smiles back. 

There’s a lot they’ll need to do, but right now Kyungsoo feels incredibly relieved. Happy, too.

“You’re wearing your ring,” he says.

Baekhyun blinks and looks down at their hands. 

“I am,” he says. “I guess I should stop. What are we going to do with them if we get divorced?’

“Throw them in the trash?”

“That’s a waste,” Baekhyun says.

“Sell them on eBay, then?”

“That’s weird.”

“Then what?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun says. “Maybe we could keep them. In case we ever get married to each other again.”

Kyungsoo thinks of their wedding day last summer and how it felt to have the ring slide onto his hand. 

“No,” he says.

“No?”

“They’re the rings from a marriage we didn’t want,” Kyungsoo says. “We might jinx ourselves.”

“You’re right,” Baekhyun says. “I know! We can have them melted down into a tag for Mongryong. He’ll be fancy.”

Kyungsoo laughs.

“I like it,” he says.

They fall silent for a long time. Baekhyun leans against Kyungsoo and rests his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. That makes Kyungsoo’s heart stutter, and he does his best to stay perfectly still so that Baekhyun won’t leave.

After a while, Baekhyun lifts his head. Kyungsoo has less than a millisecond to feel sad before Baekhyun licks his lips and smiles one of his pointiest smiles.

“Guess what,” Baekhyun says.

“What?”

“I don’t have anything scheduled in the morning.”

He waggles his eyebrows. Kyungsoo laughs but kisses him anyway.

 

\--------------------

 

After a lot of thinking, Kyungsoo decides that he’ll need to tell his parents both at the same time. He’d thought of telling his father first, but he worries that his father will try to dissuade him from telling his mother.

He tells them at dinner, on a Friday night, that he needs to talk to them. He’d texted Seungsoo in advance to make sure he was in town in case things went south.

They gather in the living room after dinner, and Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. He tells them that he and Baekhyun had agreed that their marriage was a marriage in name only, at Kyungsoo’s request, and therefore Baekhyun wasn’t cheating. He watches his mother’s face turn stonier and stonier, but he gets all the words out.

“And Baekhyun?” Mother asks. “I get your reasoning, but why would he agree to such a thing?”

“His parents kicked him out when they found out he was gay,” Kyungsoo says. “He was hoping marrying me would smooth things over with them.”

Kyungsoo’s mother sits back in her chair. Her face is hard to read. 

Father, meanwhile, looks like he’s just eaten something terrible.

“I see,” Mother says.

A few minutes later, she repeats it.

“I see.”

Kyungsoo waits, but she doesn’t speak for the rest of the meal.

After dinner, she disappears quickly to her room in stony silence. Father beckons Kyungsoo into his home office.

Kyungsoo follows and takes a seat on the extra chair.

“Kyungsoo,” Father says. “I want you to know that I will support whatever you want to do about the marriage, even if your mother doesn’t like it.”

Kyungsoo stares at him, trying to put meaning to the words.

Father sighs.

“I have a confession to make,” he says. “I hired a private investigator to follow Baekhyun.”

Kyungsoo stares harder.

“Why?” He asks, eventually.

“In hindsight, it wasn’t a good idea,” Father says. “But I wanted you to have an out, if you wanted one.”

“An out?”

“Grounds for divorce,” Father says. “I was hoping you and Baekhyun would get along, but in the event that you didn’t, proof of cheating would be the fastest way to get your mother to agree to a divorce, without her feeling pressured into anything. I thought you’d pick up on that.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

“I called him off when you and Baekhyun seemed to be getting along, and you didn’t say anything about the pictures.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says again.

“I’m sorry,” Father says. “It ended up making a mess of everything.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says.

“I should have been more direct with you,” Father says. “I didn’t know about Baekhyun’s situation at all.”

Kyungsoo nods.

“So the pictures in the library? Of us kissing?” He asks. “You put those there?”

Father rubs his temple.

“I didn’t know you saw those,” he says. “I had them sent to your mother with a note claiming they were from Sookja, who got them from your friends. She wasn’t very happy about anything, and I thought it might help.”

“That’s invasive,” Kyungsoo says.

Father grimaces.

Kyungsoo leaves the office and climbs into his own bed to stare at the ceiling. _I told them_ , he texts Baekhyun.

 

\--------------------

 

Mother hardly speaks to Kyungsoo for days after their conversation.

When she finally breaks her silence, she says, “Your grandmother was right; you were too young for marriage. I’ll let you decide if you want to divorce Baekhyun or not.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says. 

A few hours later, Baekhyun calls him.

“I think you should know that your mother just called me,” he says. “She says she’ll pay for the rest of my education if my parents disown me again, and I’m always welcome to visit your family for the holidays.”

“Huh,” Kyungsoo says. “Did she say why?”

“She said that family shouldn’t treat each other the way my parents treated me.”

“That’s rich,” Kyungsoo says.

He falls silent, thinking about his mother. It makes sense, when he thinks about it, that she’d understand the feelings of someone who’d been abandoned by his parents. Or maybe it’s not understanding as much as projecting her own feelings onto him.

It’s not the behavior he’s come to expect from her. He’s still not prepared to forgive her. Maybe someday he will.

 

\--------------------

 

On a September day about a month after their first wedding anniversary, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun stand before a judge and tell her that irreconcilable differences have ruined their marriage.

As he walks out of the courthouse, Kyungsoo receives a text from Baekhyun.

    ur place or mine?

Kyungsoo smiles.

    Yours. Today is Chanyeol’s phone date with Junmyeon.

He breaks away from his lawyer as soon as he politely can and takes the T to the small apartment Baekhyun shares with Jongdae and another BC student near their college campus. 

It’s a cramped two bedroom, with a dimly lit living room furnished with old furniture from Jongdae’s parents’ basement and a collection of musical instruments. Mongryong walks up to Kyungsoo, already wearing his glittery, ridiculously expensive new collar—after a jeweler informed them that platinum couldn’t be reworked, they’d chosen to sell the rings after all and buy a collar for Mongryong.

Kyungsoo crouches down and pets the dog, but Baekhyun hustles him along to the bedroom.

Baekhyun managed to get a room to himself, courtesy of his parents’ cash flow, which never did go away, but it’s small and cramped just with a twin bed, dresser, and desk. 

They put a sock on Baekhyun’s doorknob—Jongdae had insisted that they provide a signal when Kyungsoo is around despite Baekhyun having his own room, because “ew”—and close the door.

“I miss living with you,” Baekhyun says. “Sex was so much easier.”

Kyungsoo kisses him. Baekhyun allows it for a minute before he breaks off and pouts.

“You’re not going to say you miss living with me, too?” Baekhyun asks.

“We just got divorced an hour ago,” Kyungsoo says. “It’s too soon.”

The truth is that Kyungsoo preferred living with Baekhyun to living with Chanyeol and Sehun. Chanyeol and Sehun are messier than Baekhyun by far, and Chanyeol is prone to having phone sex with Junmyeon at awkward times of the day, without reducing the volume of his voice even to that of a normal human being’s outside voice.

Then there’s the distance. The commute to school hadn’t been terrible when they lived together halfway between their schools, but now that they live close to their respective campuses, it takes nearly double Kyungsoo’s old commute time to get to Baekhyun’s apartment. He’s started staying the night whenever he doesn’t have early morning classes rather than go back and forth in one day, and Baekhyun does the same. 

The married life, aside from the coercive nature of it, had been far preferable to this chaotic mess, and Kyungsoo occasionally regrets the divorce.

Baekhyun looks at him. Looks at the tiny bed. Looks back at Kyungsoo.

“Yeah, it sucks,” Kyungsoo says.

“All you have to do is tell your parents about us, and maybe we could get a place together next year,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo mimes vomiting. Baekhyun laughs.

“I doubt it, though,” Kyungsoo says. “My mother would be too angry.”

At the moment, Kyungsoo’s parents and grandma don’t know about their relationship. Baekhyun’s whole family knows, because he insists that if he’s going to have any kind of relationship with his parents from now on, he needs to be able to be open about his romantic relationships. They haven’t re-disinherited him over it, but they’re also not thrilled that Baekhyun asked them to pay for an unnecessary divorce.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, wants to keep his parents out of his love life. He’ll tell them about it when he’s ready to tell them, which he suspects won’t be until he’s ready to get married for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I've gotten terrible at responding to comments, but I do read and appreciate all of them.


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